Article Critique: Masking Poor Communication
People often assume that close relationships are based on good communication. However, this may not always be true. We develop close relations with others due to different factors and only one of them is good communication. Children are friends with those that they go to school with, adults with some coworkers and those are people that we did not choose to go to school with, or to work with. We are close to them because we spend a lot of time together and share similar interests. In order to understand each other we need something more than closeness, we need to make an effort and try to verbalize our needs and wishes clearly. We also need to listen to others and encourage them to specify their thoughts and desires.
This article pointed out the fact that there is an illusion of good communication between people who are in close relationships (Health Day 2011). It is my belief that people are usually more understanding at the very beginning of a relationship than in marriage. When the relationship is just starting both sides are trying to get to know the other person and leave a good impression. As the relationship is developing and as they became closer they have the tendency to expect from a partner to “read their minds”. When we are close to someone we usually think that our partner will know what we meant when we said something, even though we weren’t explicit when we said it. The messages that we are sending when in a close relationship are often not constructed carefully and are said quickly without thinking about the perspective of the other person. I think that there are misunderstandings in every relationship, even among couples that have great communication. They actually serve us to point out the mistakes that we make and to try to improve our communication with the partner and learn on those mistakes. The only trouble is to understand and be aware of this at the moment when misunderstanding is in progress, because in that moment we are usually under the influence of emotions and cannot think clearly and rationally. Instead of thinking in positive and constructing manner we let out negative emotions out and a simple misunderstanding can escalate into conflict.
I went on a holiday with my ex girlfriend and we went out to a restaurant where she fell. It was very funny and we were both amused by that event. When we came home I talked to some of our friends about it and everyone was laughing except her. I asked why wasn’t she smiling and she said that she is in a bad mood. After that when we were with some other friends I started talking about that fall and she jumped and said that she can’t hear about it anymore so I stopped talking and felt very uncomfortable. When our friends left I started a conversation about her behaviour, and she told me that she thought I would understand from her reaction for the first time when I talked about that experience that I shouldn’t talk about it with others. Although the fall in the restaurant was funny to her, she wasn’t very comfortable about talking about it to other people. Maybe I should talk to her the first time when she said that she is in a bad mood and asked for the right answer. She could have also told me then what was in her mind and I wouldn’t talk about it again with others. This would never happen if we were specific and concrete in our communication. I had my doubts about her telling the truth the first time, but I just ignored them. She realized that she should have been honest about it and that nobody can know what she means if she doesn’t say it. Ever since then if I have any doubt I insist on talking about it openly.
These kinds of misunderstandings are very often and can lead to undesired consequences. This is the reason why we all should try to understand and talk to each other clearly. What does a closeness mean if there is no understanding and safe communication? Relationships without proper communications don’t lead to a happy life.
References:
1. U.S. News & World Report Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication Washington: Jan. 2011 p.1 HealthDay News Jan. 24, 2011
2. Fitzpatrick, Mary Anne. Between Husbands and Wives: Communication in Marriage. Newbury Park, CA: Sage, 1998
