Introduction
Children, before they reach the age of maturity, are constantly developing, both mentally as well as physically. They learn new things about life, learn how to control their emotions, act in accordance with the social norms, and conform to the behavioral expectations kept of them. Their behaviors are influenced by many factors. Some factors are external surrounding the child's environment, and some are internal, involving inherent characteristics and physical abilities (Drinkworth, 2014). Some of the external factors that influence children's behavior include the culture and the social environment in which they grow up, the influence of parents, and the influence of peers. Though traditionally it is believed that parents are the most influential factors in the lives of children, many researchers, however, suggest that children's behaviors are shaped more by their peers and the society in general, and less by parents. The relationships formed by children with their peers from the young age, as young as 6 months old through their adolescence, have a huge influence on their lives, and that influence can result in the development of positive feelings towards life through friendships or can lead to problematic behavior such as drug abuse, alcoholism, and bullying. However, another group of psychologists and researchers believe that parents are the first influence in the lives of children. Children learn social skills and behavioral patterns first from their parents, and they imitate their parents' behavior. Parents can make both positive and negative influence on children. This paper would examine the issue whether or not children’s behaviors are shaped more by peers and society and less by parents in detail, highlighting different perspectives on the matter.
Influence of the Peers and the Society
According to Gary Ladd, a professor of psychology and human development at Arizona State University, children initiate their lives in the social world of their families, but with time, they are introduced to the social world of peers and start spending an increasing amount of time with friends of their own age. The relationships they form with their peers differ from the one they share with their parents or siblings. The relationships with peers are of equal level, in which every child is going through the same stage of doubts, fears, wonders and development, and therefore, this type of relationship is more balanced (Ladd, 2005). While studying in school, children come face to face with the challenges of making new friends, maintaining the existing friends, avoiding bullies, and fitting into peer groups, and all these develop their interpersonal skills. Some of the skills learnt by children through peer relationships are conflict management, assertiveness, how to earn respect and control emotions of anger and aggression (Ladd, 2005).
According to Judith Rich Harris, an American psychologist, external influences like popular culture, friends and street gangs leave a much greater influence on children than parents or genes. She opines, "In the long run, it is what happens to them outside the parental home that makes children turn out the way they do" (Paton, 2007). According to her, the types of home children grow up in have little impact on how they will turn out. She explains that children's behavior gets influenced by the culture children need to get along with. For instance, a child of Chinese immigrant parents raised in the USA will become Americanized by learning the accent, speech patterns, mannerisms and attitudes of his American peers and the popular American culture he will grow up with, rather than that of his parents. Even if the child speaks Chinese at home, he will not be fluent in it, because for the maximum amount of time that he will spend outside home with peers, he will speak English only.
According to researchers, especially when children go through the period of puberty, their separation from their parents' control begins to take place. Their new sense of freedom and the desire for privacy distance themselves from parents and bring them closer to peers (Paton, 2007). It is at this time that the conflicts with parents increases, and the conflicts escalate when the new influences in the lives of children stand exactly opposite to the values of the parents. For instance, an Indian parent, who has immigrated to the USA, will have the difficulty to accept his or her teenage daughter going to prom night with a boyfriend because of their conservative cultural root, but their daughter, for having been raised in the USA, will be more inclined towards American values rather than Indian social values.
Influence of the Parents
On the other hand, according to another school of thought such as K. Elkin and G. Handel (1978), the family is "the first unit with which children have a continuous contact and the first context in which socialization patterns develop” (p. 118). They believe that the interpersonal relationships shared by children with their parents affect them hugely in their development. Parents can be of both positive and negative influences to their children's lives. If the parents are responsible and dedicated, then the children are more likely to behave well and perform well in school. If the parents lead a reckless life, abuse drugs and engage in alcoholism, then the children are also more likely to follow the parents' examples. There is plenty of evidence that suggests that the children of abusive parents tend to become abusive themselves when they grow up. In fact, research shows that adolescents, who involve in binge drinking, get the supply of alcohol, mostly from their own parents (Hutchinson, Maloney and Mattick, 2008).
My Opinion
Taking into account the views of both the schools of thoughts, I believe that parents as well as peers make an influence in the lives of children. If the relationship with peers can result in both positive and negative influences, in which one may shine through his exams with the support and camaraderie of his friends and may go totally astray by beginning to abuse drugs and alcohol with the influence of wrong friends, the same thing can happen because of the influence of parents. Positive and committed parents may help the growth of children, whereas negative and abusive parents may lead a child into a wrong path. However, the effect of peers begins to take hold on children only when the control of parents slack off. According to the Kentucky Department for Public Health, the children of involved parents are less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drinking alcohol or smoking. Children who have the lack of parents' involvement in their lives are more likely to suffer from teen pregnancy, drug abuse and depression (Drinkworth, 2014). Therefore, according to me, parental influence is the most important factor in a child’s life. Only when there is a lack of parental involvement, the peer influence takes over.
Conclusion
Children's behaviors are influenced by both external and internal factors. Some of the external factors influencing their behaviors are parental influence, peer influence, and the society. According to many people, peer influence and the society as a whole play more important role in shaping the behaviors of children than parents. They believe that when children begin to mix with other youngsters of their own age outside their homes, they develop a few social skills and interpersonal skills. Especially, as children reach the age of puberty, their distance from their parents increases, and they become closer to their peers. However, according to another school of thought, parental influence is the most important factor in children's lives as parents are the first social unit a child gets acquainted with. It is when the parental involvement is absent in a child's life, he begins to get more influenced by peers. I share the same view with the second school of thought that the parents are of greater influence in the lives of children that that of peers.
References
Drinkworth, A. (2014). Positive & Negative Influences of Parents on Their Children. Global Post. Retrieved on 15th October 2014 from <http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/positive-negative-influences-parents-children-6070.html>
Elkin, K. and Handel, G. (1978).The child and society: The process of socialization. New York: Random House.
Hutchinson, D. Dr, Maloney, E. Dr., and Mattick, R. (2008). Adolescent Drinking: The Influence of Parental Attitudes, Modeling and Alcohol Supply. Australian Psychological Society. Retrieved on 15th October 2014 from <http://www.psychology.org.au/inpsych/adolescent_drinking/>
Ladd, Gary W. (2005). Children's Peer Relations and Social Competence. Yale University Press.
Paton, G. (2007). Children 'learn most from peers not parents'. The Telegraph. Retrieved on 15th October 2014 from <http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1549711/Children-learn-most-from-peers-not-parents.html>
