This article relates to a topic I have read in my text book, the chapter one topic called ‘Marriage, Relationships, and Family Commitments’. The article talks about how marriage life is, the challenges people that get in it face, and generally how some marriages work and others don’t. Specific cases have been pointed out in the article to elaborate how family commitments and relationships influence whether individuals stay in marriage or they walk out. It talks about factors that people look at before they decide whether they get into relationships or marriage, or whether they walk out and parent separately.
One of the cases that the article touches on is the case of Stephen and Christina. Stephen is so engaged in travelling a lot, and Christina begins to feel like he is not there for her and the baby. They begin to face financial stress and further friction arises between them. They begin to have frequent arguments and cold wars and this causes them to slowly drift apart in their relationship. Just like it’s mentioned in the chapter one of my textbook, family commitments at times determines whether one stays in a marriage commitment or not. Stephen and Christina for this reason started counseling lessons on how to co parent separately. By putting the lessons learnt into practice, they began to communicate civilly and understand each other more, and with time the friendship between them began being restored, and gradually, the marriage was healed and eventually restored.
This article, just like the topic ‘Marriage, Relationship and Family commitments’ tries to look into marriage, and the kind of issues that come up in that kind of life. It tries to find out factors that contribute to problems in marriages and eventually separation, how relationships can be made to work and the factors which also contribute to its failure. It talks about how family commitments and children to be specific can influence whether people continue together, cohabit or separate.
Question 2:
First, this article talks about how a big number of people aspire to get married sometime, and some opt to cohabit instead, this is because of the many challenges that comes with marriage life. We tend to look up to our intimate relationship to fulfill our emotional needs. Individuals then begin to look into tiny matters like any source of unhappiness in the marriage, and they tend to associate this with the weaknesses of their partners. We tend to pay attention to the most volatile parts of our emotional make up.
The earliest purpose of marriage was to make strategic alliances with other people and have strangers made relatives. It was initially about meeting new people, trying to have relationship with them to see if it works, and getting into marriage with them if the relationship proved that the two were compatible. This way they become relatives as they become a family and therefore automatic relatives because of the offspring that will follow. It’s in the 20th century that the idea of marriage partners being together as companions came up. It then followed that marriage was necessary for sexual and personal fulfillment. (Markman, 1994)
Today things have changed; the minute one feels dissatisfied or uncomfortable in any way, stressed or neglected, individuals begin to revert to a stingier self that has been programmed into us by the happenings in the relationship. Psychologist Barry mentions that if there’s any reason why problems have increased in relationships is because of excess of choice. People feel that when they have freedom of choice, they are fulfilled unlike when it’s just that one option they have to stick to. He mentions that the same way one usually goes for the best pair which fits best, and he uses the example of a couple walking together and one looking beyond the shoulder of the other just to check if there’s that one better individual walking by who can be more fulfilling, comfortable, and better fitting than the one at hand.
The article mentions that its naïve to expect any relationship to be smooth and happy all the way and every minute. It’s normal to always find fault once in a while in a partner, and always have reasonable arguments that come with two personalities trying to be compatible. In as much as it’s important to choose the right partner for a relationship, it’s important for every individual to take it upon themselves to be the right one. It’s equally important to give that care and concern you expect from a partner first before you can demand for it. Happiness is knowing oneself and being that person in that relationship. Individuals should know what they want, and give just that in a relationship.
Barry (2012) gives an example of Patty and Rod. Here Patty was complaining to Rod of all the things she has been expecting of him but has not received. She complains that she does not receive the love she needs 13 years down the line and therefore calls for a divorce, which is not exactly what she needed, she needed her marriage back. Barry explains, at this point, that it’s not about demanding for what you expect; it’s not about listing what you need in a relationship and expecting your partner to do so. It’s about understanding yourself and your partner, and beginning to do all the things you expect him to do for you and everything falls into place. He argues that when one feels loved, that person is able to give love back easily in return. (Olds, 2000).
The article has generally changed my perception of relationship and marriage problems, and I now see it as a normal problem that’s expected as it involves two different people with different personalities who try to understand each other and be together. It has clearly brought out the point that if any relationship or marriage is to work, it all starts with an individual. It’s a two way commitment, where one doesn’t just expect to receive but also to give, not just when called for, but every minute of the relationship or marriage.
References
Olds, J. & Schwartz, R.S. (2000). Marriage in Motion: The Natural Ebb and Flow of Lasting Relationships. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Books.
Markman,, H., Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S.L. (1994). Fighting For Your Marriage. San Francisco, CA: Jossy-Bass Publishers
