The Stages of Grief in “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis
“A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis is an unusual novel written as an interior monologue or in a stream of conscious mode. The writing had been triggered by the mournful destiny of Lewis’s wife, who died from cancer. The book is written on the theological issues as others writings by Lewis, who was an apologist. However, C.S. Lewis was not always strong in his believe. Due to the way he had been educated he first adhered to the atheist position, but on the later stage a teacher managed to influence him and persuade into becoming a believer. Then his first religious writings appeared which finally under the circumstances developed into Grief.
The book is written in memory of his wife, whom he names just H. She was much younger than he, nevertheless she passed away much earlier; and that poignancy of the injustice mixed with anger and desperation Lewis put into the book. Actually, H’s health began to decline long before their marriage, but Lewis, perhaps, believed that his prays and faith will help to save her. Unlikely, all his hopes were in vain. While several years after their marriage she was still alive, Lewis wrote several essays discussing eternal questions. These writings anticipated the anguish in Grief.
Lewis indulges a reader into thinking about the useless of consolation. He himself denies it advocating to the fact that there is no certainty in the belief that sufferings in life guarantee peace in a better world. He claims ferociously that H., who has been suffering excessively and has been condemned to death without any relief from pain, perhaps has not found peace in a better world. He thinks that if God is so ruthless to the faithful, how one can hope on his mercy after death. In fact, when such thoughts come into mind, it shakes the basis of faith and put a number of questions that makes faith unstable even more. Uncertainty in faith is a sin, but perhaps in case like this the most important is the way back to God: if one manages to come back believing, he will become spiritually stronger.
Book by book Lewis tries to arrange the feelings of sorrow and make a map of this state; but in the course of his writing he faces the fact that sorrow is not a state but process. Everyone has his or her “history” of sorrow. The plot develops day by day and the stopping point is a random case different for everyone. This very case would turn life to normal and would mark a pass to a new stage. However poignant memories can be, they would step back. It is exactly what the writer arrive at in his last book.
In book one – “The Locked Door” – the author finds himself at the first stage of grief that can be called denial or blame. It is common for the majority, whatever the situation, to blame someone. This necessity springs from the desperation, fear and helplessness in the face of personal disaster. When it comes to death, even the experienced Christians can fall in their belief and blame God for the bereavement. A reader comes across next passages: “when all other help is vain, what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside”; and at the same time: “it’s easy enough to say that God is absent – non-existent. But then why does He seem so present when we don’t ask for Him?” (A Grief Observed) It is obvious, that the author has no intention to cease to believe in God. His thoughts rush about various opinions on the issue of existence – non-existence. He understands that it is difficult for a bereft to persuade himself out of the idea of merciless God. It is difficult not to blame Him, but one has to console with Him for those who suffer need any support when there is no hope left; the God is the support, and even non-believers, however, turn to Him in grief.
In Book second Lewis passes on to the nest stage in his grief. Completely run down by sorrow, he makes at attempt to escape through the heartwarming memories. What he finds depresses him even far and at first discourage him in his believe. “She will live forever in my memory” he says. (A Grief Observed) The verb “live” sounds improper here because it is very provoking. In such a state of desolation any random word or phrase creates relevant imagery, which oppresses and makes to come to the edge. The word “life” is in opposition with the word “death”, and that is the point when the author bursts out with claiming destiny and God for H.’s death. It is impossible to be rational when such imagery haunts. God seems to be inconsistent in hurting and praising people. Still, becoming too demanding to God is not the right way. On the one hand, it is difficult to keep on believing, but on the other hand anger makes a person in grief more vulnerable. It is not God who gives us hopes – we are free to decide and to manage our consciousness. So, it seems arguable that “hopes encouraged, even forced upon usbut when He seemed most gracious He was really preparing the next torture.” (A Grief Observed) Anyway, the book just evolves author’s somewhat incoherent thoughts that are utterly candid and understandable. What the author is undoubtedly right in is that no memories can alleviate the pain.
In Book three he continues to blame God even further, naming him “Cosmic Sadist” and “torturer”. Nevertheless, doesn’t it seem strange to “talk to” God in such a manner? Many non-believers state that the God has been created by human mind. Supposedly, they are somewhat close to the truth. Consequently, if the author cannot believe in God, because He turns to be cruel, and if he is afraid of believing in a cruel God, he will become close to non-believers in his convictions. Then how could he possibly blame God whose image has been created artificially by people. God then cannot take decisions, cannot be tender or cruel. On this point, we arrive to an idea laid in Scripture: all people are blessed with the freedom of will and along with this are responsible for their deeds. We can hate our destinies, but God instead is support and mercy for us in any situations. He cannot influence the fate, since in this case He will deprive people of freedom of will.
This point of view is ambiguous with many questions to follow. There can be no universal explanation as far as theology is concerned. What takes no doubts is that the most formidable challenge is to believe in God every day, every minute, to thank Him for goodness every time, not just to pray for help. So, the belief and the unity with God will ease the pain of sorrow.
In the closing book the author draws a conclusion about been submissive and quiet in the face if God. The author’s speculations finally lead him to peace. The author’s way from grief to peace takes similarities with situations when a person in misery expresses grief crying and sharing pain with a friend. At last weeping calms down and a kind of relief comes. For the author this friend is God, who can hear anything from sufferer, but who would never turn his back upon him.
Finally, a reader is exposed to some gains. For instance, the author thinks that the mourning is a process that started before the actual death of H. Despite of all hopes, he knew, that one day she would be gone, and his pain started when he admitted the inevitability. Now having survived through the grief he becomes even stronger in his belief. The author admits that he “no longer meets the locked door; turning to H. he no longer meets that vacuum.” (A Grief Observed) He compares the last stage of grief to a sudden daylight and coming warmth.
Further he speculates about imagery and highlights an engaging similarity. He draws a line between to notions: Images of the Holy and holy images. People of diverse religions image Hole differently. Thus, holy images are unreliable in terms of mere tradition that makes the imager to reflect Holy one or another way. The matter is people need visual object for every notion. It is easier to believe in something that does have an image, meanwhile it is a problem to believe in something abstract. In other words, we have numerous images of God, but nobody would swear that it is the way He really looks like; we have as well images of those passed away, but it is not the same as having those alive. However, images give us hope that the deceased are still alive in a better world contrary to memories that fades as time goes by. Also, the author expresses the conviction that for people it is better sometimes not to ask God questions. He cannot explain us the things, we are not ready to understand and accept. He will let us be furious, rash in search of answer, but will keep silent.
Lewis’s experience resonates with the thoughts of those who lived through personal crises. In challenging situations it is common to come into confrontation with own persuasions. What is important is to be strong enough to believe in God who will become a support and a consolation. The anger with God and despair are not to be judged since being provoked by lose as the last straw.
The book is an impressive record of thoughts and emotions. The reaction on the Grief depends on personal expectations, but the book should be recommended to read especially to those in despair.
Works cited
Lewis, C.S. “A Grief Observed”. 1961, New York: Harper & Row. Print.
