Introduction
Acting on your request for guidelines on the principles of communication that enhances understanding and harmonious relationship in marriage, here is a letter furnished with details pertaining to effective interpersonal communication. This letter has elaborated fundamentals of interpersonal communications that will guide your marriage into your happy stay. In this letter, find out the needs for communication and how those needs are usually expressed between a man and woman. This will provide guidelines on where and how to start your conversations by fostering the different stand points between the partners. Most importantly, take note of how diversion in interpersonal communication methods between male and female, between two individuals from different cultures and the role of emotion. Armed with this knowledge, it is easy to listen to each other and resolve any conflict amicably.
The need for communication
There are three core types of psychological needs: competence, relatedness and autonomy; the satisfaction of all the three results in optimal well-being, . Competence need involves a wish to feel confident and effective in carrying out actions, in order to achieve one’s goals. The relatedness need reflects a desire to have close connections and positive relationships with significant others. The autonomy need involves wanting to feel in control of one’s own destiny, rather than being directed by others. In order to satisfy these three needs, it is necessary to have an effective mastery of interpersonal skills.
Communication also helps in the formation and expression of an identity. The formation of self is not an independent event generated by an autonomous actor. Instead, the self emerges through social interaction, . The sense of personal identity is realised through negotiation with others. That is we become who we are because of individual interchanges with others. Interaction is an essential nutrient that nourishes and sustains the social environment.
In the field of law punishment, exclusion from interpersonal contact is one of the severe punishments. Similarly, in a social setting, the harshest punishment is being silent. People have a dire need to interact. When they are better suited to communicate, they will feel satisfied in their existence.
Individuals with interpersonal skills have many advantages in life including social benefits and relationships, . They can cope more readily with stress, adapt and adjust better to serious life transitions, have higher self-efficacy in social situations, greater satisfaction in their close personal relationships, more friends, and less likely to suffer from depression, loneliness or anxiety. One school of thought suggests that such individuals are sensitive to the needs of people and, consequently, people will seek their company.
Some research has pointed out that interactive skills provide preventive effect on the stresses in life. Those individuals with poor skills experience a worsening of psychosocial problems when faced with stressors in life. Communication skills can be improved despite being poor in communication skills.
Principles of effective interpersonal communication
One of the best definitions of interpersonal skills is the extent to which a person can communicate with others. In the process of communication, an individual seeks to satisfy his/her rights, needs or obligations without denying the same, a communication partner.
According to social, cognitive theory, a skilled person, in addition to knowing how certain things are done, s/he also understands why things are done in a way they are. The individual is equipped to able to adapt to the situation as it transforms. Six elements of interpersonal interaction are: person (situation context), goal, mediating processes, response, feedback, and perception.
Person-situation context: participants bring considerable personal ‘baggage’ to social encounters. This includes their emotions, values, knowledge, motives, expectations, attitudes, and dispositions. The way individuals regard themselves (self-concept) and the values they hold about their self-efficacy determines the nature of encounters they involve in and the way they pursue their goals. In communication, this will determine the positions they take and hold.
Personal characteristics are a complex of personal factors such as knowledge, motives, attitudes, personality and emotions. Personal factors shape interpersonal communication by the perceptions goals pursued, and interaction patterns. Attitude is another significant personal characteristic that impacts upon interaction. The concept of attitude can be examined under three constituent elements: affective, behavioural and cognitive.
Affective is how one feels about the target, either positive or negative, liking or disliking. When an individual develops a negative or disliking feeling for the other, then, quarrels are likely to play out during most communication events. Behavioural is an individual’s predisposition towards the target. One of the couples may have developed a stand with respect to the other. The communication will be one-way, and the satisfaction will not be achieved. This is where an individual has grown to believe that nothing good can come out of the other. Cognitive is one’s knowledge or beliefs about the target. When one of the couples has a certain truth about the other, the nature of communication will happen in s given way. For example, when one of has discovered that the other one is cheating or has sufficient reasons to believe so, the communication will be broken. In other cases, couple reach a point where they become fearful of the other. One or both believe that the other is out to down him/her. They develop dislike (affective) for each other and avoid (behavioural) each other.
Personality is a complex of unique traits and characteristics of an individual that shapes interaction with the environment and the ability to relate to oneself and others. The five main traits of personality include extraversion, openness, neuroticism, agreeableness and conscientiousness. Introvert people tend to be defensive and economical when it comes to socialisation. They rarely gaze at their communication partners and rarely encode emotions, .
Emotional intelligence and its role in effective interpersonal relationships
Emotions are involved in communication in three ways: motivation, manifestation and inducing. Emotion-motivated communication is that which is under the influence of emotions. This is where an individual acts or speaks out of emotion. The emotions can be rage, hateful and adoring and caring. Each impacts on the recipient differently. Emotion-manifesting communication provides hindsight into a person’s underlying emotional state, for example, a partner’s surprise stare may imply disapproval or denial depending on the situation. Emotion-inducing communication involves words or actions that trigger emotion in others (example is a partner’s cry after being told to quit engagement)
Impact of gender and culture on interpersonal communications
There are variations in how males and females communicate verbally and nonverbally. These differences should not be overstated nor should apply differently to each. Males and females tend to interact at close interpersonal distances. They also tend to more tolerant of spatial intrusion. The third thing about communication between male and female is that they tend to make use of greater eye contact and touch. In addition, they smile more and more facially, with lots of gestures and vocally expressive. Moreover, they tend to be more adept at both encoding and decoding nonverbal messages. Lastly, they have deeper insight into their relational goals.
Males and females express themselves differently in language. In this respect, women use language which tends to form and maintain a social network, whereas men are more likely to use language to assert dominance and to achieve utilitarian goals-self-assertion, . Women disclose their personal problems in the expectation that their partners will listen to and understand them. As a husband, your wife expects a partner who listens and cares. It will make her closer and confident. In case she fails to derive this attention, she most probably would get it from elsewhere. If the third source of attention is a male, then conflicts would settle between the two couples.
Most men tend to tackle problems as they come and prefer giving advice (the principle of domineering in men). The miscommunication occurs when men implement their style of communication by considering women as weak in their challenges. Women often feel that men do not understand them and are not ready to make the effort towards the same, . Frustration is shared equally, and the conflict resolution fails.
Culture: cultural background is a significant contextualising factor. Cultural and subcultural variables have a bearing on the different features of the communicative process. Intercultural differences, therefore, involve more than possible differences in language. It encompasses the nonverbal channel of communication as well as social order and the meanings and values that give it form. When two different people come from different cultures, they tend to use different language codes to represent a shared world, but the respective social worlds themselves may have a little overlap, .
Cultural influence permeates values, beliefs and cherished practices. Cultural effects are so strong that they are believed to shape an individual’s entire understanding of their social worlds. As a couple, there is a need to understand each other on the cultural aspect. This will help in guiding the couple to make your communication blend and reduce misunderstanding and conflict. Individuals act according to their culture. It is the actions that induce communication. Couples will often engage each other over the reasons for certain behaviours. Therefore, it is important to understand cultural practices and values and find out if they are agreeable to either of the couples. This reduces surprises and tension in your relationship as a couple.
Strategies for active, critical, and empathic listening
There are two forms of listening, which can be used to facilitate active critical and emphatic listening between couples. The first one is verbal reinforcement, and the other is nonverbal reinforcement. Verbal reinforcement includes confirmation, praise and response development. Nonverbal reinforcement includes gestures and proximity.
Verbal reinforcement
Acknowledgement/confirmation: This refers to statements which show agreement with what the speaker says or does. Examples include, yes, that is right, ok, etc. These words or phrases indicate to the speaker that his message has been received and comprehended, . It improves understanding between the two couples.
Praise/support: This form of verbal reinforcement is stronger than the simple acknowledgement of what has been said since it indicates overt support and encouragement for the speaker. Examples include, “you have done very well”, “I agree with you entirely”, “I love your dress”. This reinforcement strengthens the bonding between couples.
Response development: In this case, reinforcement is provided by building upon and extending the topic raised by the communicator learning the response. Response development is one of the most potent forms of reinforcement. It indicates that the listener must have been attending closely and also that what has been said is worthy of further exploration.
Nonverbal reinforces
Gestural: This refers to small movements of the hands, arms, head and facial region. Smiling, nodding and looking at the other person can usually be taken as signs of nonverbal reinforcement. Gestural expresses that one is feeling the message.
Proximity: In this form of nonverbal reinforcement, the gross movement of the whole body or substantial parts of it are considered. Body proximity is regarded as reinforcing since we usually stand or sit closer to those we like, or have an interest. Leaning forward suggests attention and interest. Certain forms of touch can be used to convey support or encouragement, for example, shaking hands, or hugging a loved one.
Strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts
Avoid taking diehard position, be flexible
One of the major causes of unresolved conflicts is the taking of diehard sides in an argument. The factor which influences this is the difference in nature of communication between male and female. As explained above, the male gender wants to assert assertiveness while the female want attention, care and love. Failure to consider these aspects leads to unresolved conflict. As a couple, each one needs to understand these fundamental difference and try to exchange position instead of holding on to natural positions. A woman should make her man feel dominant while the male should make her woman feel loved and protected.
Admit mistake
The other major cause of prolonged conflict is denial of one’s own mistake. Relationships are vulnerable to even the slightest sign of infidelity, harassment and lack of care. Couples should begin by carefully monitoring their action with a view to avoid committing any mistake. Practically, mistakes are sometimes accidental. When a mistake happens, one should be quick to realise, admit and apologise even before the other becomes aware. This can abort any looming conflict.
Be a good listener
This applies mostly to the female gender. Females want that who listens and cares for them. The male gender often gets it wrong that they are required to offer a solution to problems. For women, first they need an individual to listen and care for their feeling. As a husband, the wife expects to be defended from emotional, physical and psychological problems. Therefore, naturally, they know there is a solution. However, the first step is solving the problem is care and attention.
Be assertive without being arrogant
In a relationship, both male and female have varied beliefs and values. Each one would not like to forfeited these values and beliefs. When drawn together in a relationship, these differences are a source of imminent conflict. In the process of exercising these values, each of the couple needs to address their differences in a less arrogant way to avoid conflict.
References
Hargie, O. D., Saunders, C., & Dickson, D. (2009). Social Skills in Interpersonal Communication: Third Edition. London: Routledge.
KARAKIS, E. N., & LEVANT, R. F. (2012). Is Normative Male Alexithymia Associated with Relationship Satisfaction, Fear of Intimacy and Communication Quality Among Men in Relationships? Journal of Men's Studies, 179-186.
Lesenciuc, A., & Codreanu, A. (2012). INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION COMPETENCE: CULTURAL UNDERPINNINGS. journal of Defense Resources Management., 127-138.
Owen, H. (2011). Skilled Interpersonal Communication: Research, Theory and Practice. East Sussex: Routledge.
Ramaraju, S. (2012). PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVES ON INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION. Researchers World: Journal of Arts, Science & Commerce., 68- 73.
