My favorite story this week was Inbound by Edith Pearlman. I loved the way the point of view changed between the characters so easily. The main character is Sophie and her crisis action is when she becomes separated from her parents.
I decided to rewrite the final scene because outcomes affect the entire story’s meaning. I actually like the ending the way Pearlman wrote it, but wanted to see how it would change.
They saw Sophie before she reached the bottom, before she saw them. She looked like an ordinary little girl, one who was both proud and unsettled by her experience. Joanna felt herself injected with relief and emotion, and Joanna could remember when she herself was separated from her own parents around the same age. Her heart ached with sympathy as she realized the burden Sophie felt With Lily in her arms, Joanna ran towards Sophie and dropped to her knees as she reached her. One arm clutching Lily, the other Sophie, she buried her face in her daughter’s hair.
In unison three voices cried out, “My Sophie!” “Sophie!” “Phie!”
The current ending is a little dark, and I chose to write the more popular happy-ending style. Sophie’s brief separation from her parents in the original story serves to cement her ultimate attachment to them. The happy ending weakens the crisis action and Sophie’s prescient knowledge about her future and her personal isolation that will remain even as she is always attached to her family members.
