For this revision assignment, I chose to revise my Chapter 1 synthesis paper on solar power. In order to make these changes, I primarily used the instructor comments as a baseline for what needed to be changed. Overall, the consensus was that, while the essay was well-written, it lacked an argument, which I agree was not well considered. It was more difficult to see where the information from the sources ended and my opinions began; this led to an effective literature review that nonetheless failed as an argumentative essay.
With this in mind, I made a few revisions to the essay to make my argument stronger. I made sure to include a thesis statement in my introductory paragraph; this would help to frame the argument and make it easier to see in the existing material, as that was a problem that the instructor had with my paper. Furthermore, I went through each paragraph (or each source at least), and included text that demonstrated how I felt about the source. I also mentioned how the information given by the authors helped or contributed to my argument: that solar power is a feasible and powerful alternative, and with some tweaks can be easily used to power a greater amount of the world's power consumption.
Overall, I think these changes improve the essay considerably. I believe that, by inserting my own argument into the paper, it elevates it beyond a mere review of the literature and organizes it into a point-by-point analysis of my argument of the importance and feasibility of solar energy. With each point, the information is now directed into the argument, and not merely a list of facts and discoveries.
