The current society is shaped around gender roles, according to which “men should be brave, strong, ambitious and aggressive, while keeping their feelings under control; women should be gentle, passive, dependent, and expressive of their feelings” (McCubbin & Dahl 189). The nature of this differentiation is thought to be determined by several factors, of which the biological, anthropological (cultural) or social are the most pervasive (McCubbin & Dahl 190). In relation with Tannen’s difference in gender roles, as presented in “Sex, Sigh, and Conversation”, the social arguments best explain the root of the gender difference outlined by the author.
McCubbin and Dahl indicate that beyond the biological differences between men and women and departing from exotic anthropological situations that define different gender roles than the ones the nowadays world is accustomed with, society plays a significant role in creating gender differences (193). The behavioral models taught from imitating parents or in a classroom environment, while growing up are stronger than the biological features, erasing the additional testosterones hormones in females or in excess prolactin hormones in males that might result in different manifestations of gender identity (McCubbin & Dahl 191 - 193). Being exposed to situations that teach them how they should behave according to their gender, boys and girls develop differently, gaining a different understanding of reality. Related to Tannen’s gender differences, this social evidence explains why the women and men from the author’s examples cannot get along.
Women’s realities differ from those of men, because they grew up in different worlds, with different behavioral standards and social expectations from their sides. While little girls grow up sharing secrets with other little girls, as the main form of interaction, placing a significant value on communication and small talk, little boys grow up competing against each other, placing a great value on rivalry in the detriment of small talk (Tannen 212). As McCubbin and Dahl point out, baby girls are seen as “delicate, sweet”, while baby boys are perceived as “bouncing, sturdy” (193).
These pre-arranged features created and entrenched in society as attributions of girls versus boys act as incipient labels on the infants that extend and capture new meanings throughout their development into adults. Growing up in separate universes, where their identity is shaped based on social conventions that teach them how to conform to their gender, girls and boys appropriate different behaviors, aligned with their understanding of the world. As a natural consequence, the differences between them result in communication clashes, as each gender values distinct aspects as being more important than others. It is of no wonder that women advance from the level of sharing secrets (as girls) to sharing thoughts and emotions (as adults), while men evolve from their competitive games (as boys) into direct confrontations, seeking higher hierarchical levels (as adults). What one gender perceives as normal, the other considers as abnormal, and this is the result of social standards about the appropriate behavior of each sex (McCubbin & Dahl 193). Society sets gender expectations, shaping boys versus girls and men versus women in terms of identity and personality, which leads to gender differences.
Through its structures, such as family, school or peer interaction, society teaches children how to behave according to their age. Growing up imitating their parents, or behaving according to how they are taught to act in accordance with their sex (sharing secrets among girls and playing dynamic and competitive games, among boys), children assimilate different gender roles, which comply with the societal expectations. The effect of the social influence on shaping gender roles is that there are obvious discrepancies in terms of how each behave and value as adults, resulting in communication or relationship clashes due to lack of understanding the other gender.
Works Cited
Tannen, Deborah. “Sex, Sighs, and Conversation: Why Men and Women Can’t Communicate”, in Peter S. Gardner. New York: Cambridge University Press. 2005. Print.
McCubbin, Hamilton and Dahl, Barbara Blum. “Sex Roles”, in Peter S. Gardner. New York: Cambridge University Press. 2005. Print.
