Heathcliff is my favorite character because of the depth of his struggle to reconcile his love for Catherine and having lost her. He begins to go mad and sees her ghost, begging her to come back. Even though he had moments when he hated her, he would rather have her there to torture him as a spirit than leave his completely alone (“Wuthering Heights Overview”).
Dear Diary;
I could not stand to see Cathy happy with Edgar but it would have been horrible to see her miserable, too. I want her still and there is a part of me that became so obsessed I scare myself still. And there is also a part of me that hates her still, too. I know she loved me and it was only her arrogance that kept us apart. How many ways can she break my heart? How many times can she leave me? And now, how will I ever get her back? She never knew that I heard her so long ago say that I was beneath her and we could never marry. But I did hear her and in that moment the love I had for her became a toxic poison mixing with the hate it would become. But I somehow still love her. I used to sometimes think that if I could not have her, then I did not want anyone to have her. Sometimes I would be filled with such rage I could watch the world burn with her in it and not be sad, but then I imagined a life without her and could not fathom how I would live. No I know the truth: I cannot live without her. But then I really do not live without her. She tortures me now as she always has. This world keeps her near me. She is in my soul and in every aspect of my world. I told Nelly that “The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist and that I have lost her” (Bronte 388). But I lost her long ago and yet somehow I will never lose her; I will never be free of her until I am free of the living chains holding me in this world. And I can only pray death will bring me peace and I will not be thrown yet again into an existence where we will continue to torture one another in both love and hate.
Works Cited
Bronte, Emily. Wuthering Heights. New York: Washington Square Press, Inc, 1967. Print.
“Wuthering Heights Overview.” Oxford Reference. 2017. Web. 5 Jan 2017.
