It is very common for parents in the past to take roles, pick choices, and make decisions, even big and life-changing ones, when it comes to their child’s activities, preferences, and interests. Even I was not exempted from this parenting norm (Wertsch). My activities, preferences, and interests when I was a kid was also influenced by my parents.
According to a past study conducted about child development, parents meddling with the interests of their children is a common scenario and usually, it leads to positive results, especially later in the children’s life (Carton, Vygotskiiv& Rieber). What I wanted as a child was a normal and simple childhood. All I wanted was to be able to play and interact with other kids just like how a normal child would do. I want to do things that interest me the most and I also want to be able to make decisions for my life even though I know that I may be considered to be too young to make very big and most likely life-changing decisions. Most parents usually want to play a big role in their children’s lives to the point that they are already the ones making decisions for their children, even if it means inflicting a lot of changes in the children’s lives. If I will be given the chance to enumerate and describe as much examples as I can, that would practically take forever because of the sheer number of times my parents’ ideals conflicted with my own personal decisions, preferences, and ideals especially when I was a child.
When I was a child, I knew to myself that I was not good in Math and more so in advanced elementary subjects that relied on mathematics-based intelligence such as elementary algebra and the like. My mother was like a stage mom when I was a child. She always wanted the best for me and I am confident to assume and tell this based on the number of times she intervened with my life and made decisions for me when I was a child. I did not know the value of being good in math back then and so I really did not care whether I become good in math and learn the subject better or not. Nonetheless, my mother worked very hard to find me a reliable and reputable math tutorial center where she could send me into. I was enrolled in one of the math tutorial programs and finally I was able to fully grasp the subject, but not perfectly of course, after four years. All I can say about me learning math for four years that time is that it was not in my list or inventory of interests. As a child, all I wanted was to play and experience having the luxury of play time and time for other activities just like a normal child.
Instead, I was left inside a four-walled room with my tutor, learning the basic and advanced principles of mathematics just so I could get better grades in the subject. When I was a child, I always felt envious of other children because they get to manage their own time and get away with it. That perception and feeling changed when I grew up. I appreciated what my mother did for me when I was a child, particularly when she decided to go and send me to a nice and reputable mathematics learning center. Had she not sent me to that program, I probably would not be where I am today. My friends, colleagues, and professors would probably be laughing at me and regarding my weakness when it comes to math and other mathematics related subjects. It was really a good decision. Maybe I was just too childish that time and may be that childishness was the reason why I was not able to appreciate my mother's initiative and drive in making life decisions for me.
My mother thought that I was not particularly good in English and so she did the same thing when she thought I was not any good in math. She sent me to another learning program which again deprived me of enough time to play outside the house with other kids and do other activities that I wanted to be a part of as a kid. naturally, as a kid, I viewed my mom as the villain and got mad at her at times. When I grew up, I started to see the benefits of her meddling with my life decisions and in choosing not only the right but also the best things for me. I have really started to the benefits and advantages of her doing those decisions for me because being good in both mathematics and in English are some of the best qualities that I have today as a person. They are what I call confidence-boosters and it was really a good thing that my mother sent me to those learning programs to learn instead of wasting hundreds and probably thousands of hours playing with other kids and learning nothing. For the record though, I still believe that kids should be given an ample amount of time to play and choose their own interests and activities despite the common belief that life-changing decisions for kids should always be made by the parents. Sure, the parents know what is best for their children but parents should at least let their children make mistakes every once in a while because they would not know the value of things if all they ever did was the right thing.
When I was a kid, my mother would usually get mad at me whenever she started to see how I was going astray from what she wanted me to be. Based on the types of activities she wanted me to get involved in, I knew that she just wanted me to be a very studious guy and to focus on my schooling and education. In my defence, a parent can really never expect a five or even a nine year old child to focus one hundred percent on his or her studies because a significant portion of his or her time should be dedicated to play. I do not really know but I think kids are really meant to play. One day when I went home from my friends' house to learn drums and other instrument and of course, to mingle just like how a normal kid would, I was surprised when my mother scolded me. She said that instead of wasting time with my friends doing all sorts of childish things, I should focus on my studies instead. I reasoned out and said that she should not worry because I could manage being good in school and going out with my friends to learn drums and do some other non-academic related things. I said that she should at least let me do what I want and not pressure me even if it exposes me to some risks of making mistakes. I believe that what i did was the right thing. Besides, I said it the right and courteous way and so my mom do not really have any reason to get mad at me. Fortunately, she did not get mad at me. She even became more affectionate and appreciative of my efforts at school and on other extra-curricular activities like playing drums and basketball. It really pays to be able to do what you want. However, it pays even more to be able to do what you want and what your parents want for you to do.
In summary, I still believe that parents should really get involved in choosing the best things for their children. However, they should make it a point that their children get involved in making decisions for themselves too. My basis for this belief is backed by my experiences as a child as described above and past references and studies made about the topic of parents making decisions when it comes to their children’s interests.
Works Cited
Wertsch, J. Culture, Communication and Cognition: Vygotskian Perspectives. Cambridge University Press. 1985.
Carton, A.; Vygotskii, L.; Rieber, R. The Collected Works of L.S. Vygotsky. Journal of Child Psychology. 1987.
