After reading Amy Chu’s Wall Street Journal article about the superiority of Chinese parenting compared to Western parenting, I was left wondering if her claims are true. Common sense tells me that there are all different types of parenting styles, and often the difference exists as a result of cultural differences. However, could it be possible that Western parents are failing their children while Chinese parents or the like are doing a better job of parenting? Perhaps that is a matter of opinion based on what is important to the parents and individual. Some parents focus on academics, some focus on sports, some focus creativity, and the list goes on. It is important to mention these things to acknowledge that there is no “right or wrong,” unless the child is completely ignored. Only in the situation where a child is neglected is there a problem with parenting. My paper aims to support the argument that Chinese parents definitely know how to motivate their kids towards success based on what we see in society.
First I want to discuss the topic of self-confidence when it comes to the two different parenting styles- Chinese and Western. Western parents support the idea of saying kind things with positive feedback as the best way to build their child’s self-confidence; however Chinese parents would argue that it is not good at all to coddle one’s child with unnecessary compliments for C level school work. The Chinese parents’ strategy for building confidence seems to be results based. If the child works hard, he or she does well in what they are doing, therefore they should feel good about themselves for being hard worker who do not quit. Making parents proud should be the primary motivation in knowing whether one should feel confident or not. From the Chinese parenting perspective, if you are not producing outstanding work, then you do not have anything to be proud or self-confident about. The Chinese children seem to have a natural sense of self-confidence despite the lack of praise that Western parents feel is important to building self-esteem. Meanwhile, the Western parenting style considers too much pressure put on the child damaging to the child’s self-confidence. Instead of pushing for perfection, Western parents want to allow their kids to be able to grow and do well based on their individuality, which should be encouraged through love, acceptance, and praise. One could say that the two parenting styles have entirely opposite perspectives on how to build self-confidence.
The next area of discussion to support my argument about the effectiveness of Chinese parents raising successful kids is the stereotypical expectation that anything less than an A is absolutely terrible. The idea of this extreme need for perfection is foreign to the modern Western parent who wishes to be close to and friends with their child. Western parents want their children to work to the best of their abilities and care more about the effort they make towards what they do rather than the end result in the form of a grade. Western parenting style is also more focused on allowing the child to enjoy the activities he or she does without the pressure to be perfect. All parents are happy to see straight A’s on a report card, but the Western parents do not have strict expectations of their child fulfilling this reality. For example, most Western parents would not condemn their child for getting a few B’s maybe even a C on his or her report card. However, for the Chinese parent/mother, the entire focus of their life’s work is based on the educational outcome of their children as they acknowledge and appreciate that having a solid education is the most important part of success. By being a straight A student the child will be on a path towards high SAT scores and acceptance to Ivy League colleges. The sacrifice in life that the child must make is only going to pay off in the quality of life they will lead when they are adults and have high paying well-established careers. This is the motivation behind the push towards straight A’s. In support of the Chinese parenting style I must say that it makes sense to want the best grades for the best possible education, best career, and best income. There is nothing wrong with that idea, so maybe pushing children towards straight A’s is not such a bad thing to want.
It can’t just be a coincidence that most young Chinese men and women tend to be highly successful in their careers. A significantly large percentage of Chinese Americans hold graduate degrees and establish secure career with high incomes. Would Chinese parents say this is a result of their strict parenting style? Or would Western parents say that the child was just internally motivated? Chances are, there is something about Chinese parenting that is creating a repeat situation of highly successful professionals that happen to be of Chinese descent. The only thing in common that is shared is the Chinese heritage, so to assume that all Chinese people are motivated seems a bit inaccurate. If all Chinese people are internally motivated it may just have something to do with the way they were raised. The strict parenting that did not settle on accepting anything less than an A might have something to do with why so many Chinese become highly successful professionals. Once again, there is evidence that the Chinese parenting style leads to success.
The discussion about Chinese versus Western parenting is not to support one or the other as better by any standards, but that the difference results in clearly distinct outcomes in the children they raise. Chinese parents seem to value and focus more on learning and academic perfection than their Western counterparts do. Perhaps there is something to learn from the Chinese parenting style that could help Western parents push their kids towards more focused achievement and not so much on praise and reward. Praise and reward may be good, but it seems that from the Chinese perspective it is not the most important aspect of parenting. Instead, the quality of the outcome is the most important. A sense of, “what’s the point in being average” seems to be the motto of Chinese parents. Each version of parenting comes with some good and some bad that only the individual can judge. Therefore, going back to the Chinese parenting style, there is clearly an advantage that they have culturally in the way they are able to motivate and manage their children to push them to perfection. Maybe there is something to learn from the Chinese parenting style that can be included into the parenting style of the Western parents to raise their expectation of what their children are capable of accomplishing.
Works Cited
Chua, Amy. “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior.” The Wall Street Journal Online. (8 Jan.2011).
