Introduction
I come from a country that is not that wealthy and where poverty and lack of opportunities are cause for concern for a majority of the people. I come from a place where not everyone has a job and not everyone has a decent education. I hail from a family where we had to work hard for our living and where my education is the only asset that I have. In other words, I come from a situation where only my hard work and dedication would see me through life and hence, this is the bottom line for my life. Finally, I come from a country that is not well endowed with resources and hence, the competition for resources is intense and can make or break a person’s chances in life.
I want to go places, literally and figuratively, as I want to make a name for me, at the same time go, and see the world. My education is the pathway for my success and hence, my mind is constantly thinking about how well I should do in my studies because my education is the only asset that I have. In other words, I am ambitious both out of necessity and choice and this is the aspect that describes the answer to the question as to where do I want to go. I want to make my family proud of me. Finally, I want to ensure that I contribute to my family and help others who faced obstacles like me so that they are better off than I am at this point in life. What this means is that I want to extend a helping hand to the needy as well.
I must overcome the obstacles of poverty and lack of focus as well as the challenges of staying away from home. The lack of wealth has meant that I have to finance my education all by me and the lack of focus means that this is an aspect that worries me greatly. Because my education is everything for me, I cannot afford not to do well in my studies. Apart from that, I am staying away from home and this affects my ability to concentrate on my studies. The aspect of staying away from home is crucial as I have to be self-reliant and trust my abilities rather than have the comfort of advice from family and friends.
I can expect academic help but not financial help and this worries me greatly as I have to look for financing my studies. However, I am grateful that I received academic help in my studies, which is a big improvement in my life. The key aspect here is that I need help to overcome the many challenges that I have listed. Hence, I can expect this kind of help that is non-monetary and non-financial in nature. However, I need financial help as well and this is one of the reasons I want to do part time jobs so that I can support myself in my studies. In other words, as I cannot expect financial help, I have to ensure that I support myself.
My state of mind during the meditation session was calm and peaceful and I regained my inner touch with myself. In other words, I could see the flashes of insight that come about due to an uncluttered mind and where everything I saw was clear and lucid. Further, I experienced tranquility and inner peace that restored my vitality and sense of self. Hence, I can say that my inner feelings of calm and peace reinforced my strengths and restored my balance.
I did breathing exercises and relaxing exercises that were accompanied by me sitting on a mat in the center of the room, then playing soft music initially, and then exercising in a manner so as to forget the outside world. Compared to the previous meditations, I changed my posture to sit cross-legged initially and then with folded legs. This helped me focus my energies on my entire body that was a change from previous meditations where I focused only on some parts of my body. Hence, it can be said that I improved with each meditation session to the point where I achieved complete mastery in the final stages.
I found the task of making my mind still the most difficult. This was because I was highly stressed out when I started the meditation exercises and hence, could not focus my energies completely on breathing slowly and keeping my mind free of unwanted thoughts. When I started, I was breathing heavily in the first few sessions that improved to the point where I was able to breathe in a relaxed manner. This is the significant improvement that I observed over the period that I was meditating. In other words, I could surmount the difficulties and ensure that I benefited from the meditation.
Initially, my meditation was dominated by negative thoughts to a great extent that improved with each passing day and finally, culminated in me achieving mastery in the meditation techniques. In other words, I was able to overcome the challenge of negative thoughts clouding my mind and instead, focus only on the positive thoughts. Especially, my mind was dominated by my classes and my grades some of which were of concern to me. Further, my mind was also dominated over my anxieties regarding my future career and what kind of a job I would secure after graduation.
As mentioned earlier, one of the positive effects of meditation was that I experienced several insights that came to me while I was meditating. These were to do with my realization that life is a mental game and most battles start in the mind. This insight coupled with the other insight that I am master of my destiny meant that I was able to think clearly about my future and set aside my anxieties and worries about the kind of life that I would have after graduation. In other words, I gained valuable insights about life and my experiences so far.
The memories of my childhood came through during my stream of consciousness as well as memories related to my friends and enemies. The latter was especially hard to control as I kept seeing the situations that had a negative effect on me and at the same time, I felt powerless to do anything about them. This meant that I had to control my stream of consciousness into not letting it take control over me and this was the hardest part to actualize. However, I am proud that I was able to do this aspect easily in later mediation sessions.
Conclusion
When I compare the two narratives, I come to the conclusion that I was able to overcome most of my worries related to financial insecurities as I my mind relaxed and because of the calm state, I was able to contemplate my future better. Further, my worries about my future receded into the background, as I was able to visualize a great career ahead of me in life.
I have gained and learned a lot from meditation. First, I have learnt to get a grip on my worries and start living instead of worrying all the time. Next, my performance in class improved as I was able to focus better on my studies after meditation and third, i am able to sleep well during the nights because of meditation. All these are valuable learning has and gains that I made because of meditation. Apart from this, this experience corresponded to what I learnt from readings in class as most of the readings are about how people gain from meditation. I found that the benefits described in the readings are all true to a large extent as my meditation practice showed me that I could also gain from such an experience.
In concluding this paper, I would like to thank my teachers who recommended the meditation exercises and prescribed it as part of the course. As I explained in the introduction, my perpetual state of worry has lessened to a great extent because of the meditation exercises and I am very thankful for the course that I am taking and all the people who made it possible.
