Values in general, and particularly family values, vary across time and cultures, and even among different families. They vary so much, in fact, that no two families are likely to share the same ones. Particularly in our modern era of the 21st Century, it is more important than ever that the family itself teaches family values, as there are so many different worldviews out there on what is of importance and what is not.
Much of this goes directly back to the nature vs. nurture argument. While among professionals the jury may still be out on the question of the matter in general, there is little doubt that nurture plays a massive role in the ultimate outcome for children. While particularly nowadays, when it is now typical for both parents to work full time, there may be other, perhaps particularly many other, caregivers in a child’s life, it is still of paramount importance that the parents (or, in some cases, other primary caregivers, such as foster parents, in a growing number of cases, grandparents with whom the child resides full-time, etc.) provide direct guidance in shaping the world views of the child. If they do not, outside influences which cannot be controlled, such as the Internet or television, may step in to fill the void, inhabited by people who are not directly invested in the child’s well-being.
This is a very thorny issue, particularly with regard to the church vs. state debate. Traditionally, churches have been mostly responsible for dictating values to people, who then transmit them to their children as an extension of the church. With church membership and attendance down, however, parents have been given more and more quasi-independence to determine for themselves what they feel are appropriate values to teach their children. For example, while many churches still frown on birth control, many parents now see it as an acceptable means of protecting their children from STDs and ever-more prevalent teenage pregnancy. Accordingly, with increased access to birth control, more and more parents now accept that their children may be sexually active, and many no longer frown on sex before marriage. While various entities may or may not agree with them, the philosophy on this topic has become a family value which can vary greatly among different families, and only the individual families are equipped to tell their children exactly what their personal values on the matter are.
In turn, state involvement in family values has also become contentious. Responsible sex education is now taught in most middle- and high schools in the nation, and probably should be given the prevalence of teenage pregnancy and STDs. But no amount of sex ed can make up for proper transmission of family values by the parents to also work to combat risky behavior. While the spectrum of those family values can vary greatly, ranging from abstinence to encouraging teens to use protection, one would hope that few parents in this day and age would be transmitting the “value” of unsafe sex. This is not to say that there are not perhaps situations in which it happens, but they would presumably be an incredibly rare exception to the rule.
One particular reason why it is so difficult to have anyone other than the primary caregiver teach family values is that, in this day and age, there is a wide variety of different family types. As divorce, for example, becomes more prevalent, many children are taught two different types of family values by their parents, who may be involved to varying degrees with the upbringing of the child. Children are increasingly born out of wedlock, also with either parent involved to varying degrees. With the collapse of the economy, it can be assumed that the trend of grandparents raising their grandchildren themselves while the parent works elsewhere in order to provide more stability is rising, as is the involvement of grandparents in general as caregivers when their children bring their grandchildren to live in multigenerational homes with them to save money (Taylor). While the nuclear family still exists and probably remains the default, increasing numbers of children no longer live in these traditional situations, and must be taught values tailored to their situations by their caregivers. There is no way the church or the state can provide any “one-size-fits-all” solution to teaching family values given the myriad of different lifestyles the many children they must accommodate inevitably fall into.
Most importantly, though, the reason the family must provide the primary family values and not any other entity is individualized attention. While there are many good teachers out there, for example, most only have the child in their classroom for a year, perhaps two. In the age of increasing class sizes due to budget cuts, they also have probably twenty to thirty other students in their care (National Center for Education Statistics). While they can make every effort to give each and every one of them the most personalized attention they can, it’s quite obviously simply not feasible on the level that the child’s own family can.
As society changes on a daily basis, it is more important than ever that parents continue to recognize that it is their own responsibility to teach their children the values they want them to learn. Indeed, they likely cannot learn those values from anyone else. Parents need to understand their importance to their childrens’ world views and that they are the primary people responsible for how their children turn out. Too many today pass off the blame, particularly blaming the schools, and not taking enough responsibility for their own jobs as teachers and role models. Hopefully this trend will begin to shift as awareness of the problem grows.
References:
Taylor, Paul. “The Return of the Multi-Generational Family” (March 10, 2010). Pew
Research Center. Retrieved from http://pewsocialtrends.org/files/2010/10/752-multi-generational-families.pdf on 03/06/2013.
Meadows, Sara, McLanahan, Sara, & Knab, Jean. “Economic Trajectories in
Non-Traditional Families with Children”. Princeton University. Retrieved from
http://crcw.princeton.edu/workingpapers/WP09-10-FF.pdf on 03/06/2013.
National Center for Education Statistics. “Schools and Staffing Survey (SASS).” (2008).
