Explain Dollard and Miller’s concept of an approach-avoidance conflict. Give a hypothetical example.
After the first exciting romantic stage in a love relationship, reality and previously unperceived differences emerge. In dealing with these uncontrollable and unchangeable traits and habits of their partners, sharp disagreements occur. The conflicts, if unsolved, break up most relationships. However, more mature and well-advised couples go through this strenuous stage without separating. Since women are considered to be more considerate and emotional, they are the likely victims of struggling with such conflicts. When a woman has two men at the same stage in the relationship, the dilemma is a lot to deal with.
John Dollard and Neal Miller (1950) came up with the acceptable principle of four basic assumptions to solve conflicts. They include;
• Tendency to avoid the feared stimulus is stronger the nearer one is to it (Gradient of avoidance).
• Gradient of avoidance is steeper than the gradient of approach.
• An increase in drive raises the height of the entire gradient.
These principles have been researched, proven and verified with a study on rats. The approach-avoidance conflict has a particular goal to focus on.
In the case where a lady is in a dilemma with her emotions and the undesirable traits of her partner emerging, all possible choices (to break up or stay on) will lead to both positive and negative consequences. Choosing to stay on in the relationship man means for instance, she'll tolerate habits she does not like, change some habits of her own or even move from her apartment into her partner. Quitting the relationship, on the other hand, will mean suppressing her emotions, having to start all again is hectic and unpredictable. According to Dollard and Miller, when the avoidance gradient is steeper than the approach gradient, the two may cross. The approach tendency will be higher and further from the goal. Though the woman is in love with a man, as the relationship graduates into a tough stage of self-searching, she is more likely to drop out of the relationship than not. Even stranger is the fact that she would have sworn her lifetime allegiance to this man during the romantic times.
Most women, argues Seymour, when at the brink of making the lifetime choice fall into depths of anxiety and eventually, frustration sets in. Frustration, according to Dollard and Miller, causes aggression (among other negative responses) which interferes with goal attainment. The emotional women seek consolation and advice from their peers in a time when approach and avoidance are equally strong. Researched evidence indicates that frustration caused aggression can sometimes result in a break up. When people inhabit anger and negative emotions, they are influenced to avoidance. Problems with early attachment for example child abuse cause the victims (in adult life) to be more prone to anger and aggressive behavior.
The drive theory was basically based on Skinner and Pavlov's behaviorist principles. It is from these principles that John Dollard and Neal Miller derived the accepted concept that stated;
“In order to learn one must want something, notice something, do something and want something”.
As stated earlier, an increase in drive raises the height of the whole gradient.
The reactive level
More sensitive and emotional people perform better and faster in this level. Automatic responses are common. The implications are barely thought of or calculated hence are harmful and cannot be handled easily. It is the lowest level in approach-avoidance conflict tried. In the relationship problem, most reactions based on anger, for instance, are regretted.
The routine level
Habits that are done frequently over a long time can clearly differentiate individuals from others. They are distinct and personal.
The reflective level
Also referred to as the deliberate level, high-level cognitive process such as sober reasoning and planning are involved with an open mind as factual advice is considered. More time is needed in this level as sensations and negative responses are suppressed. The result is a wise and responsible and an informed choice.
