4 MAT Book Review: Understanding Dying, Death, and Bereavement
Summary
Leming and Dickinson's book, Understanding Dying, Death, and Bereavement (2011) is one of the books that have best addressed the topic of death. Unlike many books that have endeavored to address the topic, this book gives the topic an interdisciplinary approach. Notably, the book employs the biological, the psychological, and the social, religious, artistic and philosophical approaches to explain this phenomenon that has remained mysterious for quite a long time – perhaps centuries. According to the book, death is not only medical but also social. Death has grown to be a common topic in the contemporary world because of the extent to which biology affects the social perspectives and views of death. Leming and Dickson successfully explain that HIV and other scary diseases have a critical role to play in enhancing the rate at which death is becoming a common topic.
The definition of death varies from one historical point to another and from one community or culture to another. However, the various definitions of death seek to juggle between the centralist approach and the decentralist approach. In the contemporary world, the centralist approach, which recognizes life as a single organ is more preferable because it explains that death of the human body is essentially the death of the brain. The definition of death is complicated by the fact that there is no accurate definition of life. Sociologically speaking, there is a connection between the behavior of the dying individual and the people close to such an individual. This connection can be explained by the fact that each and every individual has a major role to play in society, and that once they die, they leave quite a number of role holes – this is explained by the dynamics of social groups.
Death meaning involves subjective evaluation – meaning that people will always evaluate that which they want. The people carrying out the evaluation can consider all types of values situational, abstract and absolute. Considering such a value as living is always preferable to death, in an abstract manner will always lead to fewer adjustment difficulties when an individual is in the process of dying. The ever-changing meanings of death are part and parcel of the cultural adjustments that characterize contemporary society. The ultimate changes are, however, explained as the impact of biological factors on the sociological perspectives. Death is a process, and can be explained from different perspectives. What makes it difficult for people to understand death is the inability of current research to explain the connection between the three perspectives.
There is a way through which life and death can be integrated into sociological knowledge as associated concepts. In a nutshell, there is a connection between the living and the dead. This connection is explained through bereavement – a process through which the close members of the family of the death person, or the friends that were so close, react and learn to live with the reality that their dear ones are no more. The experience of death in the American context is the central idea in explaining bereavement, according to Leming and Dickinson. Studies on the evolution of the perceptions of death have taken the American society through a stage of constant preparation for death and far of the same (living death), denying death and associating it only with the funeral homes (dying of death) as well as the resurrection of death, a phase associated with the period between 1945 and the present. The United States as a society fears death because its members have been taught to fear it. The five stages of dying – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are the most potent in explaining the psychological aspects of death.
Concrete Response: Personal Experiences
The theories – biological, medical, psychological and sociological – as explained by Leming & Dickinson are quite applicable in everyday life. I have experienced various aspects of death and dying, as explained in the book Understanding Dying, Death and Bereavement. Apparently, the aspect that I have experienced most intimately is bereavement. Bereavement is the process through which the people close to the dying person react – both in the short and long run. At the age of fourteen, I lost my uncle – a bother to my father. The incident took the family by surprise, why? It was because as an American family, we had learnt to deny death, and to associate it with all evils. We had distanced ourselves as far as possible from death and suffering. When my uncle died, I must mention that the five stages of dying were distinctly observed. I may not have understood what grieving was at that time, but coming to think back, I realize that my uncle went through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Quite a scary experience, everything was worsened by the fact that he had succumbed to everyone’s nightmare – HIV. When he was hospitalized, the words, “I will be just fine,” were the primary feature of his talk. Clearly, he was in denial because, as a matter of fact, HIV has no known cure. After sometime I hospital, my uncle and his family were angered by both his decisions and those of the people around him. Reflecting back, I realize that he and his immediate family were in the second stage of the dying process. At some point, I remember hearing such words from my uncle as, “had I sought medical care earlier, I would have been fine by now.” This is the perfect definition of bargaining. Clearly, this stage is characterized with regrets and self blame.
The self blame stage brought to him too much depression. He was stressed out and could not stop wishing for the best. It took quite some time before he finally accepted that he was a victim of the deadliest disease in the world – HIV-AIDS. When he had finally accepted, he dropped all the regretting statements he had earlier exhibited. This, according to Fleming and Dickinson, was the acceptance stage. At this time, all he asked for was spiritual and medical intervention. Eventually, he died and we – as the family members – were deeply affected. According to Fleming and Dickinson bereavement creates a link between the family and close associates, and the dead individual. This was exactly what I experienced.
Reflection
Reading the book Understanding dying, death and bereavement, provokes quite a number of questions. Foremost, one may ask: what is the definition of life? This question is particularly difficult, especially considering that not even science has come up with a perfect definition of life. Biology has not attained that either. Secondly, one may wonder: which one should be given prominence, the biological aspect of dying or the sociological considerations? While both explain death with a considerable weight, it may not be clear which one should be more prominent. For instance, whichever way a person dies, biology has a critical role to play. The heart will stop beating, the brain will stop functioning and blood will stop flowing through the blood vessels. Sociologically, Fleming and Dickinson, explain that the death of any individual must leave some role holes. One then wonders which perspective is more powerful.
The primary strength of the book is that it prominently makes use of real life examples – which make the theories and explanations, not only more understandable but also real and capable of being related to the contemporary society. Among the most notable is the illustration given by Dickinson about his father and the dying Hereford bull. Such real experiences make the reader understand that death is a unique experience for all individuals. The death of every individual is surrounded by some unique circumstances. The second strength of this book is that it addresses all perspectives of the dying process – medical, biological, sociological, religious and philosophical. These are the key perspectives and addressing them makes the book appear wholesome. Another noteworthy aspect of the book is the fact that it gives historical perspectives – which enable an individual to understand why people currently view death as they do.
The most notable negatives of the book revolve around the fact that its sociological perspectives are so much inclined to the American society. Considering that the book is available to and read by people from all world cultures, it goes without saying that the book has some degree of irrelevancy because not all readers belong to or understand the American culture. Another weakness is that it, like many books before it, fails to define life and death distinctively. This makes it difficult for the reader to understand exactly what death is, especially in the biological sense. The gaps left, in terms of definitions are many, but revolve around the presence of different viewpoints. Even so, the strengths outweigh the weaknesses.
Action
Reading the book Understanding dying, death ad bereavement has really enabled me to grow. I have attained substantial growth in terms of understanding the dynamics of death and grieving. While I have experienced a moment or rather a period of grief before, I did not understand the stages of dying. Today, after reading the book written by Fleming and Dickinson (2011), I am in a position to explain all the steps by mere observation. The reading has helped me understand death as a social process. Initially, death was purely biological to e. it did not app ear like it has any social consequences; especially to people that were part and parcel of the family of the person that had died. Today, after reading the book, I have developed a keen understanding that death is more social than biological because when a person dies, they leave a significant gap in the social pattern because everyone has a role to play in the social pattern.
Having perfectly understood that death happens for a reason, I will seek to empower my friends in grief. While the atheists think that death does not happen for a reason, I do believe, from the religious and sociological aspects of death that death happens for a reason. Making all people in grief believe that God has a reason for human suffering will no doubt encourage all those that feel broken and empty after the death of an individual. The theology of suffering comes into play at this juncture. When a person dies, the family members and the closest friends may ask such questions as: why him or her, God? Did he or she not have enough faith in you? Did he or she not repent? O the contrary, others will react with such words as: God, you know why this had to happen. You have a purpose for this. Either way, pain is inevitable. From the reading, I have learnt various ways of handling the situations that arise after the death of a person.
References
Leming, M. R., & Dickinson, G. E. (2011). Understanding dying, death, and bereavement. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.
