The most important features that a true woman had to possess in the 19th century society were purity, piety, submissiveness and domesticity (Welter). What was meant under piety is the belief in God, kindness, and love for all the living creatures. The woman had to be faithful and had to attend a church, as it did not ruin her femininity and taught her to be kind and submissive. A real woman had to be virgin. She had to retain her purity till the very marriage, and after that she was obliged to accept the idea of having so close relationship with her husband. A woman’s submissiveness showed itself in the acceptance of this idea. What is more, the woman had to rely on her husband in any way, and even if he was rude or abusive, she had to silently accept it. Domesticity, it was one of the key elements of this cult (Welter). A woman had to keep house, raise and look after the children, and sustain the aura of peace, mutual understanding, serenity, and love.
The women, who did not conform to these unwritten rules, were blamed and condemned by the society. There were many stories in the women magazines that told stories of those, who, for example, had sexual relationship with men or who behaved in a way that was not typical of women, e.g. wearing trousers. Besides that there were stories of a didactic and persuasive character, which were helpful for the future life. All the innovations were considered to be aimed at breaking the woman nature, and were not easily accepted. What is more, some literary works were also forbidden, as some of them had rebellious thoughts that could alter the women’s mind.
Men of the 19th century were not as religious and pious as women. Men were too busy to pay attention to such things. It is understandable, as they were the only working people in the family, and had to provide it. Most of men did hard manual labor, like building, and spent long hours at work (Welter). The women were heavily dependent on their husbands, that is why they were obliged to submit to and respect their men.
The female world was described as an absolutely different from a male one. It was said that women tended to be closer to each other, as, in such a way, they felt support and understanding. The author of the article, on the basis of the letters and diaries, state that their relationship were like ‘the supportive love of sisters, the enthusiasms of adolescent girls, and sensual confessions of love by mature women” (Smith-Rosenberg 124). Such kinds of friendly relationship were a result of kinship ties. Mothers and daughters were very friendly, and it was unacceptable if they had quarrels or disrespect to each other. Young ladies got experience from the older women, usually, their aunts or mothers’ friends.
Men did not relate much to the female world. Men, in most cases, were considered as the only way to get married, as marriage and domesticity were the key elements of the life of the 19th century woman. It was frequently that teenage girls were even hostile to peer-group males, and often ignored their company and attention (Smith-Rosenberg). If there were some pitiful situations, e.g. death or illness, women sought for support among their female friends, as men were too busy with their work and it was not typical of them to show compassion and pity. According to the stories from letters and diaries, it was proved that men had never presented their condolences to women in case of somebody’s death, and, consequently, women could not rely on their support.
Carrol Smith-Rosenberg states that such a kind of relationship performs vital emotional functions, like “share sorrows, anxieties, joys, the desire to feel sure that other women had the same experience and that she is not on her own with the troubles” (125). What is more, by means of communication, more experienced women taught young girls how to become real women, taught them how to do some housework, how to take good care of themselves, and how to properly behave with men. Even when a girl was already married, she still maintained relations with the friends and female relatives, who often knew much more about her family and feelings that her husband did.
The topic, chosen by the historian, is not very popular among researchers, as the topic of feminine friendship has never been the center of attention. Due to this fact, Carrol Smith-Rosenberg, has decided to study this sphere of a human life, supporting her ideas with the letters and diaries of women of the 18th-19th centuries. It has to be stated that women has changed a lot from that time, and, according to the scientist, the only ritual, which is left from those days is marriage (Smith-Rosenberg 123). Women of the 18th-19th centuries were much more gentle and feminine than they are now. What is more, they had closer relationship with the relatives and the only spheres they were concerned with were their family, appearance, and warm relationship with friends and family members. The same cannot be said about modern women, who are independent, busy, and who very often fulfill both male and female functions in a modern society.
Works Cited
Smith-Rosenber, Carrol. “The Female World of Love and Ritual.” Major Problems in American Women’s History, 2nd ed. Lexington: D. C. HEATH AND COMPANY, 1996. Print.
Welter, Barbara. “The Cult of True Womanhood.” Pinzler, 1969. Web. 5 Dec. 2016. http://www.pinzler.com/ushistory/cultwo.html
