Introduction
Perhaps the biggest victory for members of the gay community occurred in February 7th 2008 when the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals lifted the Californian referendum that banned same sex marriage. The judgment argued that the referendum violated the constitutional requirement of equal protection under the law. California being one of the most liberal states in the United States opened the way for a surge of gay marriage legalizations with states such as Iowa, New Hampshire, Washington, Illinois, New York, Connecticut, Vermont and others following suit. Today, the surge on legalization of gay marriages is gaining ground and the debate is longer confined to the bedrooms and college papers. It is now a public discourse (Pew Forum, 2012).
The Pew Research Center for People and Press (2011) pointed out that in a research carried out in October 2011 that the American public is torn right in the middle about legalization of gay marriage. Forty six percent of Americans favor gay and lesbian marriage while forty four percent are opposed to the idea of gay marriage. Remarkably, the American public has continuously grown supportive of gay rights in the last fifteen years citing a defining generational change that would probably make the debate extinct in the next two decades. However, gay marriage still faces obstacles that continue to daunt the smooth transition. Religious groups in America especially Protestants in the Baptist churches, Moslem communities and the Jewish community still consider gay rights a taboo topic. Scholars question what makes gay rights a taboo topic. Is it the lack of understanding of gay people? Could be due to the continued heterosexual indoctrination that has perpetuated the thinking that marriage is right only when it involves men and women?
Personal Belief
Like most Americans, I had no clue whatsoever about what it is to be gay. I opposed gay marriages out of darkness and ignorance. Having grown up in a heterosexual society, I believed that homosexual relations were heathen if not devilish. My arguments centered on the belief that the family as understood in the western context consisted of a man and woman. The woman brings the feminine qualities responsible for nurturing, care, and motherhood. The father on the other hand, was in charge security of the family. This role extended to the provision of necessities for the well-being of children and the wife. In my understanding, sex is an act that united females and males in love. Occasionally, when there is need for procreation, sex would lead to creation of offspring. I argued that gay marriage in all its context, challenge this divine view. I reasoned that no man to man relationship and vice versa would guarantee happiness to the children that they bring together. The child would lack some vital qualities in life.
My views on gay marriage did not end on marriage. I also had problems with the act of sex between same sex people. It would also disgust me to see gay people walking around in town holding hands. To me this mental disorder needed correction. When I came to college as freshman, I then realized that I was full of homophobia. I hated gay people because I did not put myself in their shows. While gay rights cannot be compared to racism, it is close in terms. I had of gay people being stoned to death in Arabic countries. I then developed and inquest into understanding gay people. This research paper presents to you my transformation. Through this paper, I hope that I will make a change to the society in understanding gay people.
The purpose of this paper is creating a bond between heterosexual communities with the gay community. Gay married people should unite with heterosexual married people. Fundamentally, there should be a societal education on the lack of threat from gay rights. Their sexual problem is a personal issu
Primary Research
I interviewed four members of the lesbian community. There was a woman called Anne who was getting married to Elizabeth. They are expecting a girl. Anne is Scientist while Elizabeth is a high school teacher. Anne says that she had a baby when she was 19 but gave it up for adoption because she had no means to raise the kid since she was only a freshman in college then. After the ugly encounter with the father of the baby, she had second doubts about involving herself with men. Her sister, Miriam, is a soldier with the U.S Marine where she had been a victim of rape. Giving up her child for adoption was difficult experience. She had to go through counseling to forget the experience. After that, she met Elizabeth whom she ended up falling in love with. When they got married, they had no idea that they would want a baby. However, they decided that it was time for the baby. Therefore, they Anne went for artificial insemination and conceived. In the words Elizabeth, “it feels so good to be the father and the mother at the same time. Our baby is going to be lucky to have two mothers!”
Fernando and Roberto are Hispanic gays. They had fallen in love since they were 19 and were waiting to get married once the state of California legalized gay marriage. Fernando and Roberto are practicing Catholics and are originally from Bolivia. Fernando believes that many people wanted him dead in Bolivia and that is why he sought asylum in the United States at the age of 18. His family rejected Roberto when he was 20 when he declared that he was gay. He was very brief and this is what he had to say about gay relationships (we are just like you, except we don’t like breasts!”
Alex and James are from New York and is a perfect stenotype of gay people. Alex is flamboyant, his hotel room was in the color of pink and yellow, he speaks with a small feminine voice that contrasts with his body size. James is masculine, good-looking person. He says he loves to lift weight and to play football. James was born in a upper middle class American family and attended boarding school. This is where one of the older boys in school bullied him. When he went to college, he realized that he was attracted to men. Initially, he kept this to himself until the final year of college when a bunch of students from Germany and England created a LGBT organization that he joined. Alex says that he was born gay. “I always liked to play with girl, dress like them, and talk like them. This is whom I am.. I can’t change it!”
e and should not be a subject of public debate.
Defining LGBT
The world LGBT is an acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community. Together these terms describe different groups of people within the gay community. At the beginning of the struggle for gay rights, gay was synonymous with homosexual men. When women gay people joined the struggle, a new term, lesbian was coined. Contemporarily, the conventional understanding of gay people often ignores the place of transgender. This group refers to people who are both masculine and feminine. For example, some transgender people have two genitalia. While talking about gay rights, it is important to include the two groups (Ncadi, 2012).
Image (i) Anne and Elizabeth exchanging marital vows.
In general, the LGBT community refers people whose sexual orientation varies between preference for same sex or preference for same sex and the opposite sex. Susan Cochran and Vickie Mays argues that sexual orientation comprises of individuals sexual behaviors, sexual attraction, fantasies, and self identification among others. While talking about gay people, it is important to understand that the term is a general term that refers to people who has sexual orientation that makes them attracted to people of the same sex ( Ncadi, 2012).
Problems of LGBT in the Society
While sexuality is a fact, LGBT community members are constantly bombarded with a struggle of coming to reality with their sexuality. Many of LGBT community members face discrimination and societal rebuke that hinders open declaration of sexuality. Gay people often ponder at the thought of coming out. Some of the questions gay people ask if is it okay to proclaim that I am or not ? perhaps it is a good if I stay in the closet and act like heterosexual gay. In addition to getting worried about proclaiming or not proclaiming, gay people are also worried about the people to trust. They often wonder when to confide on family, friends or work mates.
The problem of family acceptance is a struggle in the gay community. Family members may take a while or not accept a gay person’s identity. This may lead to feelings of rejection and worthlessness. Perhaps a big insinuator for worthlessness among gay people is internalized homophobia. American culture is not very friendly for gay people. For this reason, many people make fun of gay people by using derogatory words such as fag, but-fucker and others. Sometimes these words are spoken with people who are very close a member of the LGBT. Such situations are difficult to handle and hinder the freedom and happiness of gay people.
Historically, members of the LGBT, particularly homosexual man have been known to lack commitment to relationships. Reasons for constant break up among gay men have not been known. However, research has pointed out that like all relationships, gay marriages need external support to thrive; the absence of external support makes it difficult for these relationships to succeed.
Should same sex Marriage be Kept Private?
While most arguments for keeping same sex relationships private revolve around children, there is no scientific evidence which confirms the allegations. Regnerus’ research shows that adult children raised by same sex parents differ significantly from their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents (Austin 2012). However, various scientific research studies confirm that gay parenting does not affect children in any way; but if it does, then positively (Chang 2005). Daughters of homosexual mothers behave in manners that do not conform to the sex-typed cultural norms. As compared to their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents, they have greater interests in both feminine and masculine activities, and higher aspirations to occupations that were traditionally the preserve of males. Sons of lesbians are more likely to be affectionate and nurturing in terms of play and aggression. In terms of well-being, intelligence, self-esteem, type or prevalence of psychiatric disorders, peer relationships, parental stress, or couple relationships, no research has showed any difference between the children reared by same sex parents and those reared by heterosexual parents (Chang 2005).
The right to begin a relationship and marry whoever one wants is an elementary human right just like the right to go into a hotel or a recreation area, the right to attend an integrated school of one’s choice, the right to sit wherever one wants in a bus, and other elementary rights regardless of the skin color or race. Nearly all the rights stipulated in the constitution, including political rights like the right to vote, are lesser compared to the inalienable human rights such as the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, where unquestionably, the right to relationships, home and marriage belong. The right to full pursuit of happiness is only practical if one is allowed to make relationship and or marry the person he/she loves regardless of the sexual orientation. No one can accept to be denied the right to vote, or to no longer have attachment to the husband or wife, or legal custody of his or her children. Beyond any further interpretation of the constitution, it is obviously discriminatory to deny one the right to form relationship or marry someone of his/her choice. Keeping same sex relationships private is an act of this discrimination.
The following image (i) shows a marriage of Alex and James who just got married in big wedding that was attended with many people. As one can see, Alex and James are proud about their sexuality and looking forward to start a family.
Image (ii) another gay wedding of Fernando and Roberto in the state of Carlfonia. Both of them are openly wielding their marriage certificate to exhibit their pride. What is unnatural about this?
Still on the traditional and biological perspective of same sex relationships, it’s true they are unnatural. Homosexual couples, through their relationship, cannot produce children naturally. However, is procreation the ultimate aim of a relationship or a marriage? If so then, why are there marriages or relationships where one partner or both partners are impotent or sterile? Why are postmenopausal women allowed to marry? Truth be told, relationships serve various functions that are more important than procreation. Sexual satisfactions, moral or religious expression, interpersonal commitment, legal entitlements, among others, are the reasons why people form relationships. If the law cannot keep relationships involving sterile, impotent, or elderly couples on the grounds of the traditional association of marriage and procreation private, then the same law should not keep relationships involving gay or lesbian couples on the same basis private.
The idea of gays raising children, through adoption or otherwise, is an anathema to many people. The truth is, no evidence has pointed out that children (whether biological or adopted) raised by gay couples are disadvantaged or harmed by the environment. In several cases, these children seem better adjusted compared to their counterparts raised by heterosexual couples. Moore (2001) points out, from various research studies, that the assumption that same sex couples is an anathema to child rearing is a homophobia and idealization that a particular family structure is morally superior. Research studies point out that there is no difference in the well being and the normative functioning of the children raised by heterosexual parents and those reared by gay parents (Sullivan and Baques 1999).
The argument that children raised by gay parents are more likely to become gay adults is null and void. To prove their worth as parents, gays and lesbians normally try to raise children in a manner that the “children do not grow up to be like them” (Moore 2001). Studies have also shown no evidence of disturbances in the sexual identity development of the children (Sullivan and Baques 1999). Common evidence that the children of gay parents are normal and healthy is the fact that they grow up and lead heterosexual lifestyles. Let’s give credit where it’s deserved. Which heterosexual parent would be happy to raise a child who grows up to become a gay? Which Christian parent would be happy to raise a child who grows up to become a non-Christian? But the gays always raise and are happy to raise children who grow up to become non-gays. Isn’t this something to be proud of? Most gay parents would never wish that their children struggle against the same prejudice they’ve gone through and this is why they’ll always try to raise children who grow up to lead heterosexual lifestyle. A question, whose answer I seek to find, is, “Who raises the children who grow up into gay adults? Are they not the very heterosexual parents who now want to demonize gay relationships? Let us learn to see our own mistakes before condemning others mistakes that are even lesser than our own.
References
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Appell, A. (2008). The Endurance of Biological Connection: Heteronormativity, Same-Sex Parenting and the Lessons of Adoption. BYU Journal of Public Law, 22:289-325
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Ball, C.A., (2008). The Positive in the Fundamental Right to Marry: Same-Sex Marriage in the Aftermath of Lawrence v. Texas, Minnesota Law Review, 88:1184-1232
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