According to Gerson (2015), the current generation of young adults “grew up with mothers who joined the workplace and parents whose relationships often departed from traditional marriage” (p. 593). As a consequence of growing up in changing families, most men and women prefer a relationship that combines the commitment of traditional marriages and the flexibility required by the modern job market. Although the aspirations of men and women in relationships are similar, men and women have different fallback plans because previous gender roles and social expectations determine their perceptions of romantic relationships and decision-making in that regard.
Both men and women used to get married in their early 20s during the 1950s and 1960s, and those who got married later were labeled depending on their gender (Qu & Soriano, 2004, p. 43). Specifically, single women were considered to be at risk of remaining unmarried, but single men who did not get married during young adulthood were considered as people enjoying their freedom instead. However, as women started joining the workforce, the traditional gender roles in families changed. Men and women who grew up in those types of families want long-lasting relationships, but they also emphasize the desire to establish egalitarian partnerships and find a balance between their individual careers and the division of roles when it comes to caretaking for the family (Gerson, 2015, p. 601).
Finding a partner that would allow a person to live in an egalitarian marriage-like household is difficult. According to Qu and Soriano (2004, p. 49), young adults are often physically restricted to a certain location, especially in rural areas, and they tend to be more cautions when it comes to selecting long-term partners than their ancestors. Therefore, it takes a lot of time for young adults today to find suitable partners, so they also need fallback plans in case they never manage to find the person they want to spend their lives with.
Women are no longer interested in trading their autonomy for building a traditional family because financial dependence on their husbands can prove to be a constraint in case their marriage deteriorates. They are more likely to pursue financial and emotional independence along with building a social support network of family and friends rather than give up their autonomy for the sake of a traditional marriage (Gerson, 2015, p. 604). Although women with this fallback plan may remain alone without a long-term marriage-like relationship, it appears that contemporary women have a stronger desire for independence than the desire to start a family.
Men claim to want an egalitarian relationship, but Gerson (2015, p. 605) argues that men would prefer a modified traditional marriage as their fallback plan for two reasons. First, men want to maintain a gendered household so that women are more involved in family work than they are. Second, even though men support women joining the workforce, they do not want complete equality because the growing independence of women collides with their own status as primary breadwinners and career priorities. Unlike women, who would rather stay alone and independent than get married for the sake of marriage, men would choose a modified traditional family over a completely egalitarian household.
The aspirations to develop egalitarian long-term relationships are common to both men and women. However, gender differences in society still determine how men and women develop fallback plans. Women are content to stay alone if that means they will keep their financial and emotional independence, whereas men are more likely to seek modified traditional marriages with an unequal distribution of responsibilities at home and at work. With different fallback plans between the genders, it is difficult for young adults to find a partner who shares their relationship goals and ideas about how a family structure should look like. The problems young adults face today in terms of romantic relationships have significant impacts on economy and society because they postpone marriage and childbearing, so it is important to reform the family institution and values to meet the demands of the modern world and the aspirations of young adults (Shulman & Connolly, 2013, p. 36).
References
Gerson, K. (2015). Falling back on plan B: The children of the gender revolution face uncharted territory. In: B. J. Risman & V. Rutter (Eds.), Families as they really are (2nd ed.). New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.
Qu, L., & Soriano, G. (2004). Trends: Forming couple relationships: Adolescents' aspirations and young adults' actualities. Family Matters, (68), 43-49.
Shulman, S., & Connolly, J. (2013). The challenge of romantic relationships in emerging adulthood reconceptualization of the field. Emerging Adulthood, 1(1), 27-39.
