Response to Provided Answers
Question 1
You have a good argument. However, a few sentences are not authoritative enough. For example, in your answer you have “I think all American ,” this sentence could be revised as follows “It is imperative that American” In this case, you avoid overuse of the first pronoun “I”, while maintaining active voice writing.
In addition to the cited reference, you could consider the contributions of the Federal Constitutional drafters such as Madison and Hamilton. Consider how their essays on the constitution promoted democracy and the subsequent adoption of the draft that form the foundation of the American democracy.
Additionally, you could consider ensuring that your sentences are correctly punctuated and that they present a single idea. For example, you have “After reading Res Publica the education of citizens for democracy is important it gives everyone a comprehensive view and understanding of what democracy is and the different forms of democracy.” This sentence could be restructured as “After reading Res Publica, it is clear that citizens’ education on democracy is important as it offers an understanding of democracy and its varied forms.” Such a structure enables simplicity and ensures that every sentence provides a single idea.
Question 2
In order to create a relationship with the course, you could consider discussing how democracy, through voting and election of leaders with integrity, would reduce abuse of power. (Tocqueville, Alexis, and Arthur Goldhammer. Democracy in America. New York: Library of America, 2004 p. 64).
Additionally, as a rule of thumb in writing assignments, you should consider editing your sentence lengths. An average sentence has 25 words, but that can extend to a maximum 30 words. Sentences beyond this length are considered wordy. The secret to writing short sentences is ensuring that you present a single idea per sentence.
You should provide examples for your argument. For example, provide evidence of whistle blowers targeted and cases of torture from the government. Additionally, you could consider providing examples from outside America that indicate that power abuse is not limited to the US only. Such an example would include Russia (Gourevitch, Peter A, and James Shinn. Political Power and Corporate Control: The New Global Politics of Corporate Governance. Princeton, N.J. [u.a.]: Princeton University Press, 2005)
Question 3
You have offered a perfect relationship between the current situation, American history, and the course content on democracy and equality. An addition of the specific issues addressed by President Obama in his speech as reported in the article would enhance this comparison. To demonstrate an understanding of the current situation and history, you could offer some background information on the differences in the issues addressed. The aim here is to demonstrate that although American democracy has evolved over time to a more mature democracy, it must strive to retain this status and advance even further.
The article demonstrates that you have extensively researched on both current and historical issues affecting America. In order to enable others refer to your article of discussion, you should include a reference showing the dates and URL source. Additionally, in order to create a logical flow, you should start with the article content in the first paragraph. This should be followed by a second paragraph on its relationship with the first amendment. The third paragraph should help the reader identify the specific amendment the article feature touches on. As a conclusion, you can offer an opinion on how addressing the issues raised would enable democracy growth.
The MLA referencing style includes the inclusion of specific page numbers. Hence, include the page numbers in the brackets instead of the year of publication in your in text citations. Additionally, when writing a direct quote, you should have a maximum of 25 words under the direct quotation marks.
