Virtual Child
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Starting birth, my child, Noah, was quite normal and very much healthy. He was a breastfed child. As a newborn, I allow my partner to be more on hands to him, but I eventually decided to be more proactive in attending to his needs so that he would recognize me as someone he can trust, too. Like most parents, I tried to give him things that will make him more curious about his environment. Starting at 3 months, I supported his interest with his social world. I would take him out to meet new people, and I believe that this contributed in making him a more sociable child. I also paid attention to his cognitive development so I try to expose him to his environment where he could be more familiar with the things around him. As a parent, I would always prioritize his welfare. For instance, my partner and I have decided that divorce should not be an option because it will negatively affect Noah. Moreover, my kind of parenting is quite supportive. I tried to understand his needs - physical, emotional, and social - so that I would know how I can help him develop in these aspects. As a child, one of his strengths is his social skills and motor skills. Even at a young age, he showed confidence in dealing with strangers, and he also showed advance skill in terms of manipulating toys and objects. On the contrary, his weakness can be observed through his emotional responses. He is moody most of the time and he gets easily irritable when he gets frustrated.
How is your child’s attachment relationship to you developing? How so?
At around 8 months, I noticed that Noah, my son, was more attached to my partner than to me. Attachment, according to Ainsworth and Bowlby, is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space” (as cited in McLeod, 2009). Specifically, Bowlby believes that attachment can be explained as an adaptive behavior because the safety and security being given by the primary caregivers, often the mothers, enhance the survival rate of infants (McLeod, 2009). I believe that this is why Noah was more attached to his mother. To establish a stronger attachment with him, I decided to interact with him more often by being more proactive in feeding, changing diapers, and playing with him. When I noticed that he was starting to recognize language, I also tried to talk to him as often as possible and I tried to make sounds for him to hear so he can recognize me more easily. Based on Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development, a child’s first year covers the stage of trust vs. mistrust. During this period, infants expect their caregivers to provide them with their basic needs as they look forward to stability and care (McLeod, 2013). As a parent to Noah, I understand this idea, and which is why I did my best to attend to his needs. By gaining Noah’s trust, I also encouraged him to be attached to me. I understand that if I failed to meet his needs as an infant, he might develop general mistrust about the world.
Discuss how you made your decisions (based on the parenting style you were raised, readings, personal advice from others?)
Being a parent entails making decisions, major and minor, every single day. As a parent, most of the decisions I made are based on readings and the personal advice I got from my families and friends. For instance, when Noah was born, my partner and I decided that he will be breastfed. This was an advice from almost everyone we know – my parents, my partner’s parents, and my friends. At the same time, many organizations and groups have been advocating breastfeeding because of its benefits. Another example decision I and my partner made was the use of cloth diapers. This is not a popular choice because using disposable diapers is definitely way more convenient. Some of my friends do not even support it because they have experienced how messy and time-consuming it was. However, I have read that using cloth diapers has many benefits. Aside from being environment friendly, it is a healthier choice because it reduces the risk for dryness, rashes, and the risk of being exposed to harmful chemical (“Diaper Facts,” n.d.). These are the reasons why we decided to go for cloth diapers. Overall, my decisions have always been influenced by the advice and suggestion from my families and friends as well as the information I get out of reading. Through these influences, I always choose what I believe would be best for Noah.
Discuss how your parenting practices affected your child’s development.
My parenting practices affected Noah’s development to a great extent in many aspects of his life. For instance, I have always believed in the importance of social skills, so I made sure that I also support Noah on this aspect. When he was just few months old, I tried to expose him to people at an early age. As a result, he eventually became more comfortable with new situations and people. I continued to take him out to meet new friends, neighbors, and families. It was not a surprise when the result of his developmental assessment at 19 months showed that he was quite social. In addition, I did not employ aggressive parenting methods. When Noah starts walking and climbing, I tried not to yell nor use physical aggression to stop him. I decided that I would rather talk to him over and over again and explain to him how such behaviors would hurt him. As result, he was rarely aggressive towards others. Based on his developmental assessment, he was only aggressive when he resisted other kids who tried to get his toy from him. Another example of how my parenting practices affected Noah’s development was the particular attention I paid towards his language development. Even before he can speak, I always made sure that I talk to him as often as possible. He started imitating words at 12 months, and every time he did so, I praised him to encourage the development of his vocabulary. During playtime, I also described what I was doing or what I was holding so he could be familiar with more words and how to use them. As a result, his language development was not delayed and it was found to be appropriate for his age when he was assessed at 19 months.
Now that you have learned more about (a child’s physical/cognitive/social/parenting development as well as attachment theories) is there anything you would do differently as a parent?
Based on the things that I have learned regarding physical, cognitive, and social development of a child, I believe that I have done pretty well in raising Noah. I made sure that his physical development would be supported well, which is why I allowed him to get substantial amount of free time. In addition, I encouraged his social development by exposing him to families, friends, and neighbors even before he learned how to speak. At the same time, I provide him with toys, free play, and interaction opportunities that would help develop his cognitive skills. Likewise, despite being more attached to his mother, I tried my best to be available to him as much as I can so he could also be attached to me as one of his parents. Given a chance, I would do the same things all over again when raising another kid.
List three ideas from this course that you think are important for you to remember.
First of all, I believe it is important for me to remember the importance of attachment. Because it seems like children are naturally more attached to their mothers, I know I have to take extra effort to form such attachment to my own children. The importance that I place on attachment parenting is based on the premise that securely attached kids tend to be more balanced as they grow up. Second, it is important for me to remember that children go through different developmental stages. Thus, it is important that I pay close attention to these stages and find ways how to support their optimal development. Lastly, I also believe that it is important that I am careful with my own actions and behaviors as a parent. Based on the concept of observational learning, children can pick up what they see from their parents. Therefore, as a parent, I must be a good role model and I must behave appropriately so that my children would not imitate wrong behaviors from me.
Analyze your own parenting philosophy and practices. What principles from Bowlby, Piaget, Vygotsky, Social Learning Theory, etc will you continue to rely on in making your parenting choices?
As previously mentioned, I believe in the importance of attachment, so I will continue to rely on Bowlby’s attachment theory. In other words, I plan to extend some effort and time in order to form attachment to my own children especially during their critical period of development. Furthermore, I also believe in the importance of modeling good behavior, which is why I will also continue to rely on social learning theory when making parenting choices.
References
Diaper facts (n.d.). Real Diaper Association. Retrieved from http://realdiapers.org/diaper-facts
McLeod, S. (2009). Attachment theory. Simply Psychology. Retrieved from http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html
McLeod, S. (2013). Erik Erikson. Simply Psychology. Retrieved from http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html
