Arab Marriage Ceremony
Most foreign Arabs living thousands of miles away from home still respect and uphold their traditions dearly. Unlike most other cultures that fade away as people are assimilated into new cultures in their immediate environment, the Arabs inherit their traditions and practice them without major foreign interference. The Arab wedding is one such occasion where the traditional practices inherited from the previous generations still remain popular (Monger, 2013). It is admirable to experience the ancient practices in an Arab wedding ceremony. Although the western culture has strongly influenced most indigenous wedding ceremonies (including the Arab wedding), the Arabic wedding ceremony is among the few practices that are still incorruptible.
My friend, Hadija, is an Arab (both her parents originate from the United Arab Emirates). She only met her fiancé, Rashid, twice; once in a wedding ceremony of cousin and during advancement of negotiations into their marriage. The two lovers discovered that they were distant relatives (they believe that they are cousins). Unlike most cultures globally, relations do not hinder marriages in the Arab world (Darraj and Puller, 2009). What surprised me is the fact that Hadijah accepted a proposal without ever dating the famous Bollywood actor, Rashid. Her suitor simply contacted her parents (who agreed to his proposal and later informed her) and proceeded with paying the bride-price necessary before initiation of the wedding plans.
Intending to attend their entire ceremony, I requested the bride, my close friend to involve me in every stage of the occasion. However, as a woman, it was impossible to attend the entire string of events that lasted all day. One of the most vital places I was forbidden was the Mosque where the Bridegroom will attend a session of blessings and confirmation before proceeding to meet the bride. I was not ready to miss such and occasion knowing that it may be the only opportunity to experience the inside of the Mosque.
The event in the Mosque began at six o'clock on a Saturday evening. I, therefore, decided to sneak in the Mosque disguised as a man under the cover of slight darkness. My relatively huge physique will keep suspicions at bay long enough to attend one event in the Mosque. To further reduce suspicion, I learned basic rules followed in a Mosque by watching video clips on the faithful fellowshipping in various events. After I was convinced I was ready, I intentionally arrived late so I would not have to go through the whole process of prayer. Once inside, I was just in time for the groom’s entry. He was simply dressed in a costly purple turban and scarf, and silk gown. I could barely recognize his face as although I had known him for a short time (I watched him in movies a lot when I learned of the oncoming wedding). It was the first time I ever saw him in a turban. Once before the Sheikh, he went down on his knees and bowed his head. The priest proceeded to read the Q'uran as he addressed him. I could barely comprehend the messages since most of the communication was in Arabic. However, I could tell the groom was making promises and agreeing to terms that the Priest uttered. Worse still, I got so tired of sitting in a squatting position that I kept fidgeting to find comfort. Fearing my fidgeting would give me away, I persevered the pain in my muscles.
As the ceremony progressed, an elder would occasionally rise and crown the groom with flower roses on his head or neck amid applauses. I could not applause lost my voice gave me away. The entire Mosque was filled with men dressed in white robes. The rest of the men stood outside waiting for their time to join in the celebration.
Once outside, there was singing and jubilation all the way to the bride's home that was also the venue for the wedding. As we sang and chatted through the streets carrying the groom shoulder high, I suddenly realized I had to change my attire to a woman's. I was so carried away in the song and dance I forgot I was among men. As the party arrived at the venue for the main ceremony, I noticed an elderly woman who happened to be the groom’s mother pinned with paper money. She received gifts in terms of money pinned onto her gown lapel. In other weddings of various other cultures, I had experienced most of my life; women and young girls led the dancing for the most part of the event.
The groom's entourage consisted six men all dressed in expensive-looking white robes. They did not seem to have any particular duty assigned to them other than keeping close to the groom. By the time, we arrived at the venue, the groom, Rashid, did not have the purple scarf. Whether he lost it in the commotion or, it was part of the tradition to get it off, I had no idea.
Hadijah, on the other hand, was dressed in a completely black buibui. The gown covered her entire face, body and feet. Although she was decorated with henna on her skin, on one was allowed to view the bride. Only the groom would reveal her face by unfolding part of the buibui. The bride sat as the women sang and danced endlessly in the tent while the night rolled on. Only the groom and his six assistants arrived in the tent. The rest of the men including senior government officials were ushered to the dining area where a feast was prepared. Contrary to my expectations, the dining area had a modern arrangement of dining tables and seats rather than a mat where everyone would sit down and share the food. Having attended a Somali feast previously, I expected a room with no seats and large plates where people would share food. I was, however, not disappointed by the fact that everyone used their bare hands to eat every kind of food just as it was my expectation. Like other weddings I have experienced, the bride is the center of attraction in the wedding. Her presence brings excitement and anxiety. Her apparel is the main concern of admirers.
I felt a little out of place at first. However, realizing I had nothing to lose and a lot to gain in terms of experience and knowledge, I put on a wide smile and enjoyed the party keeping keen interest on anything I could notice. I was now too, dressed in a buibui and hijab so as to fit in the group. The language barrier hindered me from participating in various activities, but I was neither embarrassed nor ashamed in striving to fit with the rest of the girls. Hadijah's sisters made me feel more comfortable although they needed to keep their relatives busy too.
I learned to dance gracefully without necessarily making sexy moves that the Arabs consider vulgar and immoral. I also learned to keep my distance from the elders and all men in general and also to conduct myself in a polite and respective manner (acceptable by Muslims and Arabs) that made me look and feel innocent, submissive and inferior. However, inferior I felt, I did not lose my self-esteem or courage. It is a refreshing and exciting feeling.
The time arrived when Rashid revealed Hadijah's face. By now I did not raise my expectations anymore. I realized I was in a totally different cultural group and the more unique the traditions, the more exciting to me. So when Rashid did not kiss her bride as is the norm in most cultures, I did not find it odd. Instead, I thought the deed was free from western influence. I appreciated the fact that the community could still uphold their practices and values regardless of the pressure to adopt new ones. Although to me it looked a little pretentious since both the bride and groom were exposed to kissing before, the reverence and honored it signified was justified.
Rashid then sat beside his bride and put a ring in her finger. I noticed that he first removed a ring from her finger, joined it with a new one and pushed it back to her finger. All this time, the bride rarely smiled or moves a lot. Her face was painted, and she wore an expensive-looking golden crown on her head that was revealed partly by the pushed-back veil off her face.
The room was filled with fragrance and perfumes that almost choked me. Once in a while I moved out to get some air. I, however, persevered the choking smell in order to attend most of the weddings. I did not want to miss anything I could notice. The decorations in the room consisted massive silk and chiffon veils hanging down the walls. The veils were decorated with a concentration of golden wavy creative artworks. They completely transformed the room to resemble a royal palace of the rich East Asian world.
Amid the dancing and graceful singing, the master of ceremony interrupted and announced that it was time for announcements and speeches. The guests expected to give speeches included the parents, politicians, administrators (mostly elders in society). The Arabs are a loving group of people who expressed their affection in long duration of hugging. What felt weird to me was the fact that men hugged and kissed so much that felt uncomfortable. In our culture, men seem to ignore expressing love to other men unless in extremely emotional occurrences such as funerals where they would hold tight for some time. I was, therefore, not used to seeing so many men on a hugging spree.
I noticed that no young people were involved important issues in the ceremony. Women did not also have a big role to play in the planning and organization except decorating the bride. In, most other weddings that I attended, the women run most of the events.
Preserving morals
Maintaining the cultural practices in the Arab world does not only give pride to the new generation and satisfaction to the older generation but also provides an avenue and opportunity to preserve morals and desired qualities of the faithful. Unlike the liberal western culture that is infested with immorality, the strict Arab culture insists on virginity of the bride as a key concept in maintaining purity, morality and sanity among the keepers of the culture (Shafik, 2007).
Before the marriage progresses, parents of both families meet in person and negotiate on the best ceremony so as to provide for their children. The bride's parents are responsible for arranging the wedding ceremony according to the funds provided by the groom’s family. This fund is also known as dowry (Mahar in Arabic). The dowry negotiations are completed before consummating the marriage. Apart from dowry payment, the groom traditionally paid more money or supplied property agreed by the bride's parents at the bride price. The bride price depended especially on the education level of girl and her general beauty. The more beautiful and educated a girl is, the higher the bride-price the groom paid (Boosahda, 2003). Although recent Arab weddings have ignored the bride-price in favor of dowry due to unbearable economic times, some parents still insist on receiving bride-price before releasing their daughters. This conflict causes Arab men to find alternative wives especially foreign women who may not demand high prices in bride-price. Although the groom proposes the bride-price, the bride's parents dictate the final cost of price.
References
Boosahda, E. (2003). Arab-American faces and voices: The origins of an immigrant community. Austin: University of Texas Press.
Darraj, S. M., & Puller, M. (2009). United Arab Emirates. New York: Chelsea House.
Monger, G. (2013). Marriage customs of the world: An encyclopedia of dating customs and wedding traditions.
Shafik, V. (2007). Arab cinema: History and cultural identity. Cairo: American University in Cairo Press.
