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Introduction to My BMP
My BMP was ‘being jealous.’ I had to choose this because I was hurt in previous relationships which not only made bad memories but affected my present and future as well. I would constantly check my husband's phone to see if a girl had called. Then I would think he would leave me for her. I would keep asking him about things. This behavior limited me in many ways. My husband also had a hard time trusting me because of my behavior. I constantly had to lie to him that I was not checking the phone. I was worried when I left the house for errands. I even went as far as pretending to be him to delete his account from a chat service. This BMP limited me because I was dishonest about all this to him. He had a flirty tendency, but he did talk to all his friends in front of me.
My life will be different when I start trusting him and communicate more. Then I will feel more confident about our relationship. Instead of checking his phone all the time I need to develop trust. This is the man I chose to merry so I have to learn to trust him. Communication is the key to a successful marriage.
My Experiment
First I told myself he comes home to me and what happened to me in other relationships will not happen I this one. I just kept a journal and when I felt like I needed to check the phone I went to pray and talk to my husband about how I was feeling. At the beginning when I would ask him about the texts, he would get all defensive and mad. Then this did not help me in the long run to get over my jealousy I tracked my behavior by writing about it I also would get so jealous when he would hug a friend of the opposite sex. I had to take a deep breath and console myself. I needed to reassure myself that nothing is wrong and I am being paranoid for no reason. I had to stop this.
My allotted time to stop and limit this jealousy was a month and a half. I figured I would take it one step at a time. I would ask my husband if he thought that I felt jealous. Also I needed to build my trust in him. It took some time but when I finally realized he was off the chat services, I felt a lot better. With a little understanding from both sides and proper communication, things started getting better.
My Action Plan
I understood that this jealousy needed to stop. If I did not stop this particular behavior, then I would lose my husband forever, and I did not want this. The first step was to stop checking the phone and nagging hum about details. I started asking myself what I could do better in our relationship to make him not call other girls. Also I had to stop and realize that jealous ruins rather than fix the issue.
This would take some time and he needed to know I would stop eventually. Also I needed to be assured he would stop going on the chat lines. I had to take a breath and relax and know he was coming back home to me after work each day. The jealousy needed to go. I had to admit I had a problem. This was the first step. Admitting to having a problem is the first step towards a healthy change.
I started to write and maintain a journal of all the moments I felt jealous or angry. This was how I was going to deal with it. I wrote in my journal for a little bit maybe not every day, but I did feel better. If I felt a little bit jealous I just started communicating more with my spouse. This helped a lot.
My Reward & Results
My reward is he stopped the unnecessary chatting and I felt more like we could be a better couple because I was not all the time nagging him about sleeping around on me or talking to other women. My reward was that that it felt so much better not to worry about being jealous. I did the time frame for one month. I know it will take a lot longer, but I am making progress. Being slow and steady wins the race.
It took time for me to realize it was me who was being too clingy. It hurt when he laughed with other female friends, but I had to take the blame for the jealousy. They were just friends having a good time.
Spiritually this helped. I dove in to the scriptures. I knew they had wisdom in them from my Lord and savior. My husband and I now pray together every morning and night. I love this. Plus our callings in the church help our relationship grow with our Lord as well as one another. We now have our Lord in the center of our relationship.
Mentally I knew I had to change and that this was putting an emotional toll on our marriage and the jealousy needed to go. I know I still have the issue but not as bad. I have learned to channel my jealousy into a positive aspect. I have started taking things positively and have a better outlook on life altogether.
Conclusion
I feel good about my results. Communication is key and if I have a problem, I communicate with my spouse directly and write it down. I also pray and seek help from my Lord. I will continue with my BMP and I would recommend to others. It helped me grow personally and I think others can seek help from my experiment results as well.
This experiment has proved to be very healthy for not only my relationship but my personality as well. I learned that I am a fun, loving, an honest wife and a good friend. I can adapt to change and I also learned that sometimes you have to let go and just let God take control.
