Abstract
Grandmother caring is a common phenomenon in many families of US. It has become a heated topic in almost every household because it concerns a problem that every family faces, that is, child raising. Many grandmothers in US offer care for their grandchildren. The queries are; are they all totally willing to do so, or do other social factors compel them? In my opinion, the grandmothers are driven by both the joy and responsibility, and cultural expectations and pressures from social and interpersonal realities or their life histories. The degrees of expectations and realities that pressure the grandmothers are quite different. Therefore, there are various reasons behind this phenomenon. From my point of view, English grandmothers care for grandchildren more due to their sense of obligation and expectation for return. For Apache grandmothers, they are more altruistic and nurture their children more due to the joy and responsibility. For US grandmothers, some of them care out of joy, while others because it is a responsibility.
Introduction
We know that grandmothers are important grandchildren caregivers. Their nurturing can help their adult children. Therefore, the grandmothers’ feelings about the particular issue paramount. We often think that paternal women in households are naturally altruistic and consider more about their family members’ feeling. For English grandmothers, they nurture their grandchildren more due to their sense of obligation and expectation for return. Pamela Cotterill did a small research based on ten mothers – in –law and twenty – five daughters – in – law. Due to its small scale, this survey cannot represent the class and ethnicity. Normative rules may press the people with the kinship to offer help to those relatives in difficulty. However, these normative rules may also pose a dilemma in some cases of providing help. The normative rules assign roles to every family member. It is an obligation that parents should be responsible for their children, and the mothers must give more caring in their children’s early ages. Therefore, grandmothers should only give more help if their adult children have any difficulty in raising their grandchildren (Cotterill, 580).
According to Sahlin, two types of reciprocity should be classified in the family help: “balanced” and “generalized” reciprocity (2). If someone offers you the “balanced” favor, it means that he or she wants to get the return right away. In contrast, if you get “generalized” favor, you can offer the returns in postponed time. (2) Due to the long time grandchildren caregiving, the mothers may feel indebted to their mothers- in – law. The return of this kind is “generalized” reciprocity (2), which means that the rewards may be given back over a long period. In this case, the grandmothers who help their daughters-in-law may expect their returns in the future, such as care in sick, financial assistance, and emotional support. Therefore, the grandmothers’ nurturing is not totally altruistic to their daughters-in-law. They are affected by obligations, responsibilities, emotional involvement and affection. According to Pamela Cotterill’s survey, most interviewed grandmothers would not like to provide long-term support for their daughters in law unless it is a real hardship for them. In the conclusion part, Pamela Cotterill mentioned that “maternal grandmothers may be no more willing to become mother substitutes than paternal grandmothers, but feel compelled to accept forms of responsibility they would prefer not to have.” (7) Therefore, to some extent, the grandmothers are affected social factors such as accountability and affection (Cotterill, 600).
Body
For some emotional mothers and daughters, offering assistance seems more natural compared to those who are not emotional. Long-term help and short-term help are quite different for those grandmothers. For most grandmothers, they are willing to provide short-term assistance to their children and grandchildren, but they are not so willing to offer long term help for them. For occasional interventions, no grandmother refuses the grandchild minding every time, although some of them may not want to get involved in the babysitting at all. Those grandmothers are affected by affection and sense of responsibility. The phenomenon that most grandmothers would like to help their daughters suggests that they hold more responsibility than those who are not willing to. Although those grandmothers are not willing to offer long term help for their daughters, they are compelled to do so by the responsibility that they should possess. Therefore, based on the above survey, English grandmothers care for grandchildren more because of their sense of responsibility and expectation for return (Cotterill, 602).
For Apache grandmothers, they are more altruistic and care for their children more due to the joy and responsibility. In this group, cultural expectation plays an important role in society. According to Kathleen S. Bahr’s paper, cultural expectation means the social hopes that people hold commonly in the community. (11) The social reality of Apache is that people usually hold the opinion that grandmothers should care for their grandchildren because it is a tradition held by many generations. Kathleen S. Bahr did a survey to find out their roles in nurturing their grandchildren. Apache likes extended families. In the culture, the grandmothers are most responsible for grandchildren caring. There is a survey conducted to find out the percentage of Apache grandmothers taking grandchildren caring. The survey found out that an Apache child was at least 3.5 times more likely to be staying in the house of a grandparent than was her Anglo-American counterpart. It is a well-established Apachean culture that grandmothers should be responsible for the grandchildren caring. Many reasons account for this phenomenon. The first reason is that traditionally Apachean grandmothers are an essential part of normal family life (Bahr, 219).
The Apache families’ need for the grandmothers to babysit arises because modern mothers have to work outside to support the family. Some single parent children, alcohol abuse children, marginally employed and unemployed children are supported by their grandmothers. In modern times, members of Apache families are facing economic pressure and try to make ends meet. If the young mothers cannot make ends meet, they would call for the grandmothers for help. In another sense, the mothers in Apache families are raised by their grandmothers, so they would like to ask their mothers to look after their children when they get kids. The traditional obligation makes the grandmothers perform child minding. To some extent, grandmothers feel fulfilled in the process of grandchild nurturing. For instance, in Kathleen S. Bahr’s survey, most Apache grandmothers like to share their time with their grandchildren. They sparkle when they talk about their grandkids. According to Kathleen S. Bahr, those grandmothers feel happy to spend time with their grandkids, and they feel the responsibility to help their grandchildren. Betty, an Apache grandmother, said “I did not imagine I would be doing all of this. I imagined my kids would get grown and take care of their own families.” Betty spent so much time in grandchildren caring that she began to think it was her responsibility. A depiction of the fulfillment and pleasure she got from the grandchildren caring process. The grandmothers want to do more things for their children and grandchildren (Bahr, 220).
In an economic crisis, the grandmothers playing the caring roles find the tasks too difficult. Although they have challenges in nurturing their grandchildren, they focus more on changes and other social obstacles rather than the responsibility itself. Most Apache households are extended families, so it is hard to feed such a big family. The grandmothers are committed to their households and give their lives to them. There are some problems in grandmothers’ caring. For example, some only perform babysitting duties. The kids also have a tendency of indulging in alcohol abuse. From the above analysis, we can see that Apache grandmothers are more altruistic in the family. They accepted the harsh economic reality and the conflicts in the family, and willing to do many things for their children and grandchildren. Therefore, those grandmothers are mostly driven by their love and responsibility for their families (Harrington Meyer, 85).
For US grandmothers, some of them undertake to nurture out of joy, while others because of the responsibility. According to Madonna Harrington Meyer’s survey, many grandmothers still have their own work as they care for their grandchildren, so they have to balance their job and to care. Many of them adjust their work to adapt to nurturing their grandchildren. Although most mothers are worried that caring for their children would cost their jobs, few grandmothers are concerned about it. As a matter of fact, they face insufficient sleep, fewer benefits, lower wages and many responsibilities in nurturing grandchildren. Some grandmothers refuse their adult children’s request for caring the grandchildren by saying that they have their own paid work to do. The economic stress and the social press place the grandmothers in the position to look after the grandchildren. However, as an American grandmother, Deanne loves taking care of her grandchildren. She says “I love being able to help with the kids because it is so fun.” This shows her joy in the caring process (Bahr, 233).
Conclusion
In conclusion, the three papers referred to are quite different. From the above three papers, we can see that English grandmothers, Apache grandmothers, and American grandmothers undertake grandchildren caring due to various reasons. The grandmothers are driven by both the joy and responsibility, and cultural expectations and pressures from social and interpersonal realities and their own life histories. The degrees of expectations and realities pressure that the grandmothers are facing are quite different. We can see that the English grandmothers care for their grandchildren more due to the sense of obligation and expectation for return. For Apache grandmothers, they are more altruistic, and they undertake to care for the children due to the joy and responsibility. For US grandmothers, some of them pursue nurturing out of joy, while others because responsibility.
Works Cited
Cotterill, Pamela. “’But for freedom, you see, not to be a babyminder’: Women’s Attitudes Towards Grandmother Care.” Sociology. November 1992: Volume 26, No. 4, p.603 by BSA Publications Limited, A subsidiary of the British Sociological Association.
Bahr, Kathleen S. “The Strengths of Apache Grandmothers: Observations on Commitment, Culture and Caretaking.” Journal of Comparative Family Studies.Summer 1994: Volume 25, No. 2, p.233
Harrington Meyer, Madonna. “Grandmothers juggling work and grandchildren in the United States.” Ed. Sara Arber and Virpi Timonen. Contemporary Grandparenting:Changing Family Relationships in Global Contexts. Bristol, GBR: Policy Press,2012. 71-86. Web.
