Personal Experience
We all live in a society that is governed by laws and norms, setting rules for us and telling us how to behave. They give us some set guidelines as to how to behave in the society and what kind of behavior is expected from us. Social norms are the traditional standards of behavior and any behavior that lives up to these norms is known as conformity. Different nations and societies might follow different norms. What might be allowed and normal in one country might not be in another. Different social groups in the same country will follow different norms and customs. Sometimes one wonders how important those norms are and how important it is to abide by them all the time. Every society has some kinds of expectations from its members and how it is expected to behave and makes its own rules. It is up to the society to check when any norms are broken and what to do about it. What will happen if we break any rules of the society? Well, there might be a range of reactions that we might have to face. This is what my story is about. I underwent a harrowing personal experience when I recall my visit to UAE.
I came to UAE, which is a global business center as a business analyst. I am from UK, and my wife was to follow a month later. It took me some time to become aware of the Arabic culture and the way commerce runs in the Arabian business environment. I found that people considered personal relationships as well as mutual trust very essential for any business. It took me some time to get used to working on Sundays. My boss expected me to arrive on time for a meeting, and I noticed that women always covered their arms and legs. However, it was not uncommon to find Westerners and tourists in modern wear.
I was aware that laws were strict in UAE regarding live-in relationships. Nevertheless, it is common to see people sharing rooms here to save money if not out of love. Still, whatever may be your reason, sharing a roof with another person of opposite sex, who is not related to you is a crime and against the norm of the society in the Arab world. The Sharia law punishes unmarried people living in the same house, and deals with it strictly. Such news can create havoc in the society and the whole experience often results in tears and tribulation. However, I was not bothered as I was married and my wife was soon to arrive here for a brief holiday.
I clearly remember the day my wife, Martha arrived and we checked in at a hotel excitedly. I too needed a good break from my work and wanted to be with my wife, and had taken a week off. After settling down, I took my wife for a short walk to the nearest departmental store. We were already discussing what all was to be seen and explored in UAE and how to make the most of our short vacation.
I remember that it was on the third day after my wife’s arrival. She was in the next room and asked me in a worried tone, “Philip, have you taken some money from my wallet?”
“Well, I am not sure, but about 300 pounds are missing from my wallet!
Now, her tone was anxious and worried.
“ Are you sure? “ I asked.
“Yes! Of course! I remember keeping the money in here before we left the restaurant last night, “she said.
We searched her bags, the closet, the wallet, but the money was not to be found. Once I was sure that the money was indeed missing from her wallet, we decided to lodge a complaint with the hotel. What happened next was beyond my comprehension.
The police arrived within an hour and looked at us strangely. Instead of asking us about the details of the theft and how and when we discovered it, they started asking about my relation with my wife.
“Who is she? “asked the stern looking officer.
“She is my wife, Martha, “I stuttered.
“Kindly show the proof,” asked the police officer.
This is when I knew of the trouble ahead. I was simply left speechless. The thought never crossed my mind that sharing the same room with my wife in a hotel could lead to so much confusion and would be seen against the norm of the society. I told them that she was my wife, and I worked here in the local business firm as a business analyst. However, it seemed that they were not willing to take our word on it. The police started questioning the hotel staff and authorities and asked for the booking arrangements we had done.
I could feel all eyes on us, looking at us suspiciously and with dislike, as we stood outside the room. One of the hotel staff sniggered when I told them that Martha was my wife. I spoke to them earnestly and tried to shift their attention to the main reason they were here and looked for the stolen money and check the hotel staff. They were speaking in Arabic among themselves, and it made it all the more difficult from to understand what was going on in their mind and what was going to happen next. The policeman looked strictly at me and asked me to prove that we were a couple and show the marriage certificate.
Of course, we were not carrying the marriage certificate with us. My wife was on a vacation and it was absurd to think of carrying our marriage certificate with us. I nodded my head in negative, and I could see it lead to a stronger reaction from the police. They seemed to be convinced now that we were not married and were trying, make a fool of them. Their tone become even rougher with us, and they were now almost shouting at us. They made several signals with their hands, and I understood that we were to follow them downstairs for more inquiries.
The next thing we knew was that we were rounded off and taken to the police station. I could see the look of sneer and ridicule in the eyes of the policemen and the hotel staff. Some of them also passed some lewd remarks in Arabic that I could not follow. It was all the more horrifying experience for my wife who was in shock and disbelief over what was happening. When earlier, where we were treated with respect and courtesy at the hotel, the same staff was showing us complete disrespect and distrust. It was the most horrible day in my life, and I was feeling even sorrier for my wife.
I completely underrated the reaction of the police, the hotel staff at that time as they must have seen us breaking the rules of their society. It was difficult to feel guilty at that time, but it was also difficult to face the hard and menacing look in the eyes of those officials at the police station. Their way of speaking with us became rough, and I remember my wife all sacred and white in her face. This must have been the most horrifying experience in her life.
We were lucky as we were able to get our marriage certificate emailed the very next day by Martha; parents and the intervention of my seniors in my office. Once the authorities were satisfied that were indeed a married couple, we were allowed to go. They even apologized for their behavior. Most couples who come to UAE are well aware of the law. This is a country of mixed nationalities and cultures, and one reason some couples choose to live together is not because of any love interest but also because of the high rents and constantly changing lifestyles. The punishment is a jail term and deportation for the non-Emirati defendants if found guilty.
I learned that every society has certain norms that are expected by everyone to follow. Going against a norm means you are placing yourself against the culture and what the society acknowledges. It is very essential to understand the society we are living in, its culture and norms it has set for its inhabitants. I had little idea about the UAE Sharia law at that time, where two unmarried and unrelated persons from the opposite sex were barred from living together. I agree that we did not break any norm of the society knowingly and what happened was nobody’s fault. We were just having a holiday while the police on duty in UAE were doing their job. After spending almost a year in UAE, I am more familiar with the laws and know that an unmarried couple engaging in consensual sex is given a minimum one-year jail sentence.
Today, when I look back, I feel that we could have taken an extra step to be more careful and carried the entire right documents with us while we were in UAE. This is just an extra precaution for the married couples. As from my experience, I know many couples who live together by choice and face the risk of getting discovered if hunted down or if a complaint is lodged against them. Despite the rules, many expatriate couples carry on disobeying the law. The police is not going to come knocking on the doors of couple living together but they will if they get any complaint against them. People who break the norms of the society are looked upon as a threat to the society and its structure. Breaking the norms not only affects us, but also the other living in the society.
