Aaron: I like that the thesis starts out broadly and becomes more specific you narrow your subject to not only terrorism but the effects it has on the economy. You need to expand on what you mean by “the ‘fragility’ of both European economies and the institutions underpinning the European Union”. So far the research is good and relevant to the topic of the paper. Nice subdivisions so that the reader does not get confused which helps considering the complexity of the topic. I like the utilization of interviews for they give the reader a chance to see what those involved think and experience. It also gives the paper more credibility.
Thesis: 18 Style: 18 Originality: 16 Argumentation: 18 Research: 20 Total: 90
Aliaksei: The quote in the corner is distracting. The writing itself is hard to follow. You should to check your grammar and utilize words more appropriate to their style because right now the flow of the paper is not smooth. You also make a lot of general statements and should try to be more specific. The research is good but you could go further. I like their use of subdivision for it makes the paper at least a little easier to read. As far as I can tell, the thesis is that smartphones cause harm to the user’s brain but it could be made clearer. The paper lacks originality. It sounds a lot like you just regurgitated whatever they found on the internet.
Thesis: 14 Style: 12 Originality: 12 Argumentation: 15 Research 18 Total: 71
Candace: Style is not smooth. I suggest checking your grammar. Thesis is unclear, as far as I can understand this paper is about thinking about the patient when coming up with a dental plan and something about compliance. Addressing the audience in the second person was a smart choice considering the subject matter. You should try to employ more research from the start instead of just general statements that feel like a lot of filler. There is some degree of originality. It’s good to hear your voice instead of her just rewriting information that sounds like she got it straight off of the internet. The argument try to make the thesis be clearer, will help the paper’s flow and tell the reader what it is they are reading and why they should care.
Thesis: 15 Style: 14 Originality: 14 Argumentation: 15 Research: 12 Total: 70
Duoze: Way too much repetition, try to get to the point sooner. Grammar needs work. Try to narrow your topic even further (i.e. thesis statement needs work). I know the subject matter is grave but try not to be overdramatic in your wording. Good amount of research so far, try utilizing it a little earlier in the paper too, it will make your argument that much stronger. The conclusion is more of a thesis statement than the actual thesis statement for it tells me exactly what the paper is about in specific terms. Good utilization of examples.
Thesis: 14 Style: 15 Originality: 12 Argumentation: 14 Research: 15 Total: 70
Michelle: Grammar needs work. I like the subject matter and the specificity of the thesis statement. Nice utilization of interviews, gives the paper a personal touch. Great style, paper is smooth and easy to read. Paragraphs could be broken up though since they contain more than one topic. The research is relevant and useful, strengthens the author’s argument. Your voice is clear and original.
Thesis: 18 Style: 16 Originality: 18 Argumentation: 20 Research: 20 Total: 92
Tahiya: Interesting subject matter. I’m not sure what the thesis or the argument is. Nice research though. Be careful of overuse of repetition and I suggest checking your grammar. Overall the flow of the paper is smooth. Try to have more originality and add your own voice. The paper could be more specific, right now it seems a little too broad. The subdivisions are useful but would be even more so if I knew exactly what you were arguing. Are you trying to say that they can be prevented or what?
Thesis: 12 Style: 16 Originality: 15 Argumentation: 12 Research: 20 Total: 75
Teresa: I can clearly hear your voice. Great subject matter that becomes more specific as the paper goes on. Subdivisions are appropriate and helpful. Thesis statement is specific and present. Research is relevant and makes the author’s argument stronger. Style is easy to read and full of your passion. Overall the paper is coming along well and makes a strong and relevant argument of a topic that the reader is already aware of due to its prevalent nature in our society.
Thesis: 20 Style: 20 Originality: 18 Argumentation: 20 Research: 20 Total: 98
Torosyan: I suggest checking your grammar. Not a very original topic. Style is rough, could be more fluid. Too much repetition. Your voice is present. Try to utilize research more and make your argument even clearer. Too many general statements. Try to have your thesis statement even more obvious. The paper goes all over the place, I suggest narrowing your focus. Be precise. Try to make it easier for your readers to read.
Thesis: 15 Style: 14 Originality: 12 Argumentation: 15 Research 15 Total: 71
Self: I like the subject matter I chose and how I got it to go from a broad overlook of bad behaviors in general to a specific one which in this case is thumb sucking. I use a great deal of research that is relevant to the topic and strengthens my argument that not only is bad habits hard to break but that they have negative effects on the person as well. My paper is smooth and easy to read though it feels more like a textbook and could use more of my own style and originality. I used subdivisions nicely. Overall I believe that my paper is shaping up nicely.
Thesis: 20 Style: 15 Originality: 15 Argumentation: 20 Research: 20 Total: 90
