Draft 1
The general structure of the draft is impressive. The information provided in the essay is quite informative. The writer does use the in-text citations to support the assertions. As such, although the writer expresses opinions in some parts, the same are well-informed and supported by the citations. Further, the fact that the text is in the narrative form makes it captivating as the reader becomes more interested in the unfolding story and the eventual conclusion.
The writer uses complex words and phrases thus making the reader struggle to understand some of the phrases. The use of complex words interrupts the momentum of the reader and a reader may lose interest in the text. The writer should also proofread the draft as it has a lot of grammatical errors.
Draft 2
The introductory paragraph of the draft is captivating and makes the reader want to read on in order to gather more knowledge about the topic. This paragraph is well organized and provides an insinuation of what the text is all about. The writer uses easy words and the structure of the text is excellent. The use of easy words and short paragraphs make the information easy to grasp and also stirs the interest of the reader. The information that the reader puts across is informative and a reader can be able to relate easily with various aspects. Accordingly, the transitions between paragraphs are appropriate thus making it easier to link and follow from one ideology to the next. The ideas are properly articulated. The writer provides an explicit thesis that is echoed throughout the text.
In order to further improve the draft, the writer should avoid gender sensitive language, that is avoid the use of “she” in the text. This is because the use of such language may reveal the biases of the author which some readers to focus more on the manner in which the writer presents an argument rather than what the author is stating. To improve the text, the writer should therefore consider replacing the sexually biased language with words such as ‘one’ or ‘a person’.
Draft 3
The third draft on the superstitious women generally has a proper structure. The text is also informative and the manner in which the writer presents the information shows awareness of the topic. The draft is also written in a simple language which is easy to understand hence the information is accessible to a large number of audiences from the children of young ages to the elderly.
In order to improve on the draft, the author should however consider reducing the length of the introductory part into one short paragraph. It should also avoid so much explanation as it is only meant to orient the reader as to what is contained in the body of the text. A long introduction may be boring to the reader. The writer should also proofread the draft in order to correct and improve the grammatical errors. Texts that have grammatical errors tend to interfere with the concentration of the reader and may cause the reader to lose interest in the text. The writer should also consider not using sexist words.
