Good Example Of Chinese Parenting Styles Essay

Owing to differences in history, tradition and socio-cultural norms, there lies immense disparity between Chinese and Western parenting styles. Personally, I believe that Western child rearing is better, although I am a Chinese myself. I will briefly explain the major characteristics of Chinese parenting, and the reasons why I prefer Western parenting methods over Chinese ones.
Stages of development refer to a child’s physical and psychological progress over the years. Both Chinese and Western individuals go through similar transitions during various age brackets; from infancy to adulthood. Although, there are differences in other aspects, I would not stress on value orientation and thinking mode when parenting a child. Chinese parents inflicted by Chinese collectivism, exercise greater parental control and authority over their children. When I was young, my parents always wanted me to study hard and get the best results in exams. This would give them the satisfaction that their child is studious and competent. In order to keep my academic performance at par, they would never allow me to do anything which was not related to studies, as they were afraid that I would fall behind others if I spent my time in activities which did not contribute to my academic performance. They expected me to excel at everything. Now that I study abroad and have made new friends from the western background, I have realized they are more independent than me. I believe that initially I lacked the ability to confront difficulties independently, even everyday routine things. Being an 18 year old, I felt ashamed of myself.
Self-presentation usually involves how an individual manages his or her impression and the behavior before others. It’s a key step towards building an image for oneself. In the presence of others, we mostly behave differently in terms of communication, body language and the way we carry ourselves. As Chinese, we mostly focus on others’ evaluation of us and our personalities. We become upset if someone disapproves of us. Hence, we are constantly struggling to impress others and to seek their approval. From the moment we are born, we play different roles in different environments, while being restrained by societal norms. Therefore, the one we display before others may not be our real self; instead, we hide our true images. I have had a similar experience before. In my high school English class, when we were asked to answer questions put forth by the teacher, I always felt shy from fear of standing out even though if I knew the answer. Another instance when my mother bought a new dress and asked me if it suited her, I was aware that she really liked it, for it was a limited edition, but I didn’t think it was suitable for her. I lied to her and said yes so that she wouldn’t feel disappointed. Therefore, seen from this perspective, I believe that western self expression and presentation is different from ours and we do not present our true selves to the world.
Emotions are feelings. Humans possess feelings of joy, sorrow, fear, happiness, love, hate, etc. We express our emotions through interaction with others. Compared with the westerners, Chinese are more introverted, and it’s true that we are not good at expressing our feelings. “I love you” is a commonly used phrase in the West; a person may use it for anyone. Whereas in China, the frequency of use of these three words is very low. As far as I can remember, my parents never said “I love you” to me, and so never did I. In our minds, we both know that we love each other so much, but we don’t say it out loud.
In conclusion, all these differences are caused by different history and social backgrounds. As a Chinese, I do not approve of the Chinese child rearing techniques. A child should be taught to be expressive and be open about his/her feelings. The parents should not be so authoritative, so much so that the child suppresses his desires and feelings. Therefore, a more child-centered approach should be used in parenting children, just like in the West.