Narrative moment of how Richard meets Helene in years
I have been imagining this moment at least a million times, through years of becoming myself; I have always been remembering her, as if we were meeting in church every Sunday. As if I have always know how exactly she would look like today, so I would for sure recognize her in a crowd, and immediately get numb right there, on my first serious concert in Chicago. It has been 16 years, since that incredible shame of mine she witnessed. All this years I have been dreaming of a day I would show her I do not need to be felt sorry for.
She was standing right at the bar, surrounded by girlfriends, smiling wide and chatting. I knew it was her, because she did not change much, but grew up: she was all glowing, sharing her smiles and disseminating goodness. And then she looked right at me. I could tell she recognized me by the wideness of her surprised eyes and a warm wink she sent. That was when the band has already started playing, so I winked back and started singing. It surprised me at first: I did not think much of a possible failure, I was not nervous she was there listening to me, but I was happy I did not feel ashamed of whom I was at that moment. It was me singing and it was the crowd clapping. I made it myself; there was no shame for my past or my origin. I became a person I have wanted to be and I was enjoying the moment so much, that as soon as the first song was over and the wave of applause hit the walls, I took a pause to say to the microphone:
Dear guests of the evening, we are glad to be here with you tonight, and I personally would like to welcome my friend Helen. Thank you for being one of the first big pushes in my life.
It was priceless. It was her, looking at me with admiration. And it was me being me and feeling good about it. After the concert was over she came up to me and gave me a hug. We did not have much time to talk about anything, but I could see she did not feel sorry for me at all.
Works cited
Gregory, D. “Shame”.
