Dealing with Infertility and its Emotional Struggles
Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive or bear children after an extended period of one year after engaging in male to female intimacy. Several medical statistics show that, around one in every six couples go through this experience at a certain point in their lives. This issue is very common around the world, but it is often misunderstood and judged in religious and mythical ways. However, the issue is a medical disorder thus with the aid of medical interference, it can be dealt with. Infertility is often not expected by most couples who experience it except for those who are cautious or aware of their infertility issues. On the hand, couples that are unfortunate enough not to be aware of their critical conditions go through heavy emotional struggles trying to cope with the situation. The emotional response induced by the infertility conditions is relatively overwhelming among couples and to some extent proves complex to deal with. Hence, couples are always advised to understand that the feelings of emotional distress are quite normal and that both of them as a team, should deal with a medical infertility diagnosis of either one of the partners. Thus, this volume provides a discussion on the emotional struggles that couples undergo in dealing with the issue of infertility.
Couples’ emotional responses to infertility conditions are numerous and different, as they all pertain to a life journey of emotional struggles for each person committed to their spouse. Throughout their life, couples will experience different forms emotions that are related to anger at each other or towards God, as well as sadness, and loneliness. At the realization of their medical infertility conditions, most couples develop a response of disbelief or surprise. In most scenarios, couples have the assumptions that their children will be conceived after strategically planning for them, only to realize in future, that there had no control over the situation. The diagnosis of infertility shocks them beyond comprehension and as results, feelings of denial and anger towards the medical personnel with the test results are developed. Hence, such feelings of anger and denial are very much expected as most couples refuse to accept their situations. A considerable number of couples believe that parenthood is a norm and in most cases, the ability to reproduce is often taken for granted, hence, when infertility knocks at their doorstep, feelings of regret and grief are developed. The feeling of grief is often insidiously slow particular among the female partners, as when menstruation period occurs every month, their disappointments go deeper and deeper causing a major psychological breakdown (Wurlitzer, 2013).
The emotional trauma caused by infertility is documented greatly. Numerous studies have proven that the amounts of stress induced by infertility are in line with the deadly common illness. In a particular study conducted by Lori Oliwenstein, in her article ‘On fertile ground ‘, stated that 63% of women preferred the pain that came along with divorce than that of infertility (Winston, 2011). Hence, couples as means of dealing with infertility struggles, undergo certain treatments that are not certainly effective, however if the treatment do not work to their expectations they develop severe emotional stress. Some studies have been carried out before in the effort of trying to solve this medical condition, but once the couples are recruited, they often drop out while the programs are still in progress mainly because of stress mood effects. In many instances, a recognized number of psychologists have termed this condition as a major life crisis that goes beyond the comprehension ability of normal strategic coping. Couples have henceforth been left by the society to deal with the issue on their own, as eventually the emotional struggles are their problems to deal with.
The cycle of infertility makes it unique in nature, as at the start of every month the female partners in every couple feels a certain amount of reassuring hope when feelings of nausea and other signs that relate to pregnancy start to appear. Nevertheless, on confirming the status of their condition the feeling of disappointment kicks in, and again their dreams and goals of ever having children are shuttered and seem by far attainable. There is, however, some hope for women undergoing treatment, as it always reduces their emotional struggles giving them hope and a better aspiration of the outcomes of the future. Nonetheless, if treatment ceases to work the feeling of despair that results from the disappointment is even greater and may cause major psychological traumas for both the spouses. The further intensification of the feeling of despair is caused by the production of the progesterone and estrogen hormone as the constant recurrence of the menstrual cycle every other month becomes a contemptuous reminder of their situation. Ultimately, couples are often advised to bear with each other and try out-group empowerment programs as an extensive effort of dealing this particular issue.
In the period of pain caused by, infertility couples need support the most to aid them in successfully bypassing this emotional struggle and move forward to other alternative methods. However, in most cases nowadays, couples dealing with this condition appear to be isolated intensely by the relevant people with the ability to help them. Most people judge this issue with a religious mentality and have mythical beliefs that those affected by this condition are cursed or are being punished by God. Hence, the couples are either isolated or separated themselves doubting their self-worth leading to critical psychological disorders such depression, which could later break up their commitment. Isolation cases are heightened in most Christian societies where pregnant women and babies are the ideal definitions of a healthy community. In Christian communities, lives revolve around parenting and children, hence the mounting pressure and stress to the couples with infertility conditions. Statistics show that at least 85% of women in marriages get pregnant after a period of one month engaging in intimacy; hence, many people do not experience infertility. However, while most people comprehend with certain stress related situations of terminal illnesses and miscarriages, they are clueless and unaware of the emotional struggles of infertility.
Couples often find it difficult to get over the condition of infertility, as it closes down the old profile of their lives and introduces a new one with numerous emotional struggles. Reproduction is an important function in human beings, as it is considered a privilege in certain communities to have the ability to give life through birth. Therefore, for couples to have difficulties in conceiving children it questions fundamental concepts such a self-image, esteem, and sexuality. However, some couples have stuck together in most cases and have strengthened their relationships despite the pressure and the high levels and emotional distress. Hence, the moment a couple is diagnosed with infertility they should engage in recommended medical treatments, motivating each other to help cope with the situation. Although couples deal with this condition jointly, statistics show that women show positive attitude compared to men, concerning seeking more coping behaviors of dealing with the emotional struggles of infertility and treatment as well (Berger, 2013). Moreover, the individual in that particular couple who seemed to have greater emotional distress before the treatment is most likely to have the worst psychological breakdown after the failure of treatment. Hence, both the spouse and other relevant second parties should help the individual.
The emotional coping with the struggle of infertility is more complex and not easy to deal with, as the responses are intensely extended as the time progresses on. Hence, it is highly essential for couples to recognize that they may cope differently with the situation as feelings are always expressed distinctively and at different intervals (Bell, 2015). In most cases, the strategic means for couples to successfully deal with this situation is through communication, as it is the key factor essential for comprehending with most complex situations. Through expressing their feelings to each other couples can understand each other better and henceforth aiding them to move forward and find effective means of dealing with their condition. Moreover, the understanding that comes from successful communication helps couples reach out to people they can trust such as family and friends and express their feelings. Through expressing their feelings couples reduce the weight of their emotional distress, they are furthermore advised to let out their feelings through verbal words or writing them down.
Through expressing themselves, couples are exposed to numerous insights that could assist them to cope better with their situation. Many books discuss openly infertility and how to deal with emotional struggles, which couples undergo. Most couples also prefer to communicate to their doctor and request for better means of dealing with their situation. In other instances, couples visit councilors to express their feelings and receive enlightenment on that particular issue (Petok, 2015). However, most counselors and doctors eventually refer them to join support groups where there are other couples with mutual struggles and goals, hence lifting a certain amount of weight off their chest. Human beings are known for their companion, hence, when couple due to the state of their emotional struggles other people are there to aid in validating their feelings and ensure that their self-worth is still upheld. As a means of dealing with their emotional struggles of infertility most couples are advised to take a break from the whole situation, engage in retreats as couples, and take some time to enjoy their marriage, as children are not the only sources of happiness.
In closing, the emotional struggles of infertility are very complex and hard to deal with, however as discussed herein, couples go through numerous means of coping with this situation despite the magnitude of this matter. Hence, this volume has discussed in length the emotional distress that couples go through and the various means they can adopt to aid in effectively coping with these emotional infertility struggles.
References
Bell, A. V. (2015). Overcoming (and Maintaining) Reproductive Difference: Similarities in the Gendered Experience of Infertility. Qualitative Sociology,38(4), 439-458.
Berger, R., Paul, M. S., & Henshaw, L. A. (2013). Women's Experience of Infertility: A Multi-systemic Perspective1. Journal of International Women's Studies, 14(1), 54.
Petok, W. D. (2015). Infertility counseling (or the lack thereof) of the forgotten male partner. Fertility and sterility, 104(2), 260-266
Winston, L. R. (2011). A child against all odds. Random House.
Wurlitzer, S. H., Evans, J., & Znidar, S. (2013). Psychological and emotional preparation for IVF brings numerous benefits including an improved likelihood of success--the fertile body method. Australian Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis, 35(1), 28-45
