Introduction
Divorce refers to the legal dissolution of a marriage. Divorce can be considered as one of the major life-changing experience that can cause stress and trauma within the family. Aside from the psychological effect of divorce, it also affects the finances, living arrangements, household chores, schedules of family members and even their relationships. In most of the divorce cases, it is usually the children who suffer the consequences of divorce which can deeply affect their overall development.
Marital separation and divorce have been identified as the most challenging events in a person’s lifetime due to the stress that go with it. The result of divorce can be divided into three categories: 1.) the daily tasks and responsibilities that the parents should organize to attend to the needs of their children; 2.) the loss of significant relationships of family members and their real and personal properties; and 3.) the need to re-establish and rebuild the life as a single individual after the separation.
Although divorce is a personal decision, the fall-out from the divorce experience is still a concern to the church, the state and the experts (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano 12). The legal grounds for divorce vary from state to state. However, the difficulty in obtaining a divorce in the more populous states resulted to the significant increase in migratory divorces or what had become “divorce mills” (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano 6). At present, divorce has become easier and faster. The proceedings are more honest, simpler and less contentious and resulted to the tremendous increase in the number of divorce cases being filed.
Aftermath of Divorce
The couples who have decided to file for divorce are bound to look for ways on how to rebuild their lives separately, without compromising the financial and emotional needs of their children. This often leads to the restructuring of the family wherein household chores, finances, parenting roles, and relationships with extended family members have to be settled. In most case, the problem on the financial arrangements is the biggest issue that has to be resolved. The planning and decision with regard to the sharing of expenses often add considerable amount of stress and tension between the former couple. In most cases, the financial problem is the primary source of anger between the parents. This is especially true when it comes to the division of expenses for the school, hospitalization and basic needs of the children which are the top priorities.
The effect of divorce is not the same for all since not all individuals experience loss in the same intensity as others. There are some who can deal with divorce easily, but there are also some individuals who have difference thresholds for pain. There are those who may experience the loss of closeness when they have finally realized that there are relationship that are about to end. There are some who may find the idea of separation to be devastating that they still become hopeful that they can still save their relationship. The most common reaction of separation is that it can affect the sense of security and well-being losses of a person. Some people may feel self-pity and develop depression due to the loss of the partner since they have become attached to a certain way of life. It is heartbreaking to see a once happy family fall apart. Some families sell their homes and divide their possessions, and the children can choose to live with either one of their parents. The separation anxiety of the children increases as they have to part ways with their friends in the neighborhood and even to their pets.
Negative Effects of Divorce
Divorce has detrimental effects in the psychological make-up of the children that can lead to negative results. The outcomes have focused on the academic achievement, problem behavior and psychological outcomes of the children (Arkes 290). Some of these negative outcomes include delinquency, suicide, insanity, crime and bad attitudes (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano 6). It bears to stress that children of divorced parents have experienced the marital conflict, which eventually led to parent-child conflicts due to the poor adaptive functioning on the part of the parents. As a result, parental divorce caused the children to harbor resentment towards the members of the family and seek attention elsewhere.
The most common negative effect of divorce is suicide and it remains to be a major public health concern in the United States for the past two decades. The worst case scenario is that children commit suicide attempts in order to get the attention that they need. In fact, the recent statistics have revealed that there were about 30,000 suicide deaths that were brought about by various factors such as depression, socio-demographics, and alcohol use problem (Alonzo 316). The common disruptive stressor in the U.S based on the reports is caused by parental divorce during childhood. Such strong relation between depression and divorce triggers the children to commit suicide attempts in their lifetime (Alonzo 316). Studies show that adults who experienced parental divorce during their childhood have increased tendency to commit suicide attempt increased to least thirty percent (30%) in comparison to those who come from intact families (Alonzo 316).
Helping Children Cope Up with Divorce
Psychologists have reported that there is a link between parental divorce and the negative child outcomes (Vousoura 718). The current findings show that there are aspects of parenting that may affect the coping processes of their children. Studies revealed that program-induced improvements in mother-child relationships bore significantly higher levels of coping efficacy after the completion of a 6-month program (Velez 244). It is important to understand the connection between factors that can increase the coping processes of the children to help them live normal and happy lives even if their parents are separated. Children who see their parents living apart results to emotional reaction that are normally associated with mental health problems. Thus, it is essential to enhance the coping efforts of the children by looking for ways to build positive relationships with both the father and the mother. However, the recent studies show that children who have warm, positive relationships with their mothers have a tendency to develop higher levels of coping efficacy than children with less positive relationships (Velez 245).
Conclusion
Divorce and family disintegration are the root cause of psychological problems. It was discovered that marital disharmony resulted from psychologically unhealthy individuals who are often caught up in conflict-laden situations (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano 6). In fact, even Sigmund Freud argued that divorce is the product of conflict that was inherent in the passion of close relationships in any family.
The best way to deal with divorce is for the partners to recognize their participation on the break-up of the marriage. It is important to realize their faults and how to become better parents in raising their children separately. Aside from this, the parents have to deal with the stress and changes that may result from the separation. One of the ways to ease the burden is to conduct self-examination by admitting their faults. This is a way to overcome stress and increase the coping efforts by starting to pick up the pieces and rebuild their lives. It will take time get over the pain but learning to take charge of their lives can only be made possible by being independent and empowering themselves to stand up after the fall. It will also help to in overcoming the loss by keeping active interaction with extended family and friends. Family members become the sources of guidance, comfort and strength in difficult times such as divorce. It is best to accept that the marriage has ended and establish an identity that is that is not attached to the former spouse in order to finally move on with a new life.
Works Cited:
Alonzo, Dana, et al. “The Influence of Parental Divorce and Alcohol Abuse on Adult
Offspring Risk Of Lifetime Suicide Attempt In The United States.” American
Arkes, Jeremy. “The Temporal Effects of Parental Divorce on Youth Substance
Use.” Substance Use & Misuse 48.3 (2013): 290-297.
Clarke-Stewart, Allison & Cornelia Brentano. Divorce: Causes and Consequences. New
Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2007. Print.
Velez, Clorinda E., et al. “Protecting Children from the Consequences of Divorce: A
Longitudinal Study of the Effects of Parenting on Children's Coping
Processes.” Child Development 82.1 (2011): 244-257.
Vousoura, Eleni. “Parental Divorce, Familial Risk for Depression, and
Psychopathology in Offspring: A Three-Generation Study.” Journal of Child &
Family Studies 21.5 (2012): 718-725.
