Background
Love Etc is a love documentary that follows the love and sex lives of a set of couples living in New York City. The documentary is aimed at accessing experiences of the couples and individuals in the different levels of the love cycle of meeting up, dating/courting, marrying, divorce and starting over. To achieve a meaningful assessment the directors of the documentary choose individuals from diverse occupational, racial backgrounds, on different stages of the love cycle.
Relationship status
The documentary sets off at the getting married stage with Chitra and Mahendra, an Indian-American couple from Queens, Jamaica. The couple is engaged and are on the process of arranging their traditional Indian wedding were they are expecting to host more than 300 guests which will be followed by a series of festivities with family and close friends to celebrate the couples new status in marriage. Chitra is in the corporate world working as a paralegal with Obnoxious Associate lawyers. Her husband is unemployed, but is a trained attorney. Though engaged, the couple is constantly arguing, disagreeing mostly on the roles that each is to perform in the house. Chitra is obviously worried about the unemployed status of her fiancée, a concern that her mother shares and openly tells her daughter that she is skeptical that her daughter’s fiancée will be able to perform his role as the provider to the family once they get married. Another concern that is evident is the fact that Mahendra seems detached from his engagement to Chitra and exhibits little excitement towards getting married, they pull through the weeding well because it is arranged but the real problems comes to show when the couple finally move in together as a married couple. Chitra’s mother warns her of this noting that if she marries a man who does not love her, even though they may be well financially, their marriage will not work out. The other issue that is plaguing the couple is the division of roles in their home. Mahendra was brought up in a household where he never had to work or do any household chores. Mahendra’s background irritates the wife so much because he expects her to still come and cater for his needs like making him meals and do other house chores, yet she is the bread winner in the family. Chitra interprets this as laziness and being an opinionated individual, verbalizes her frustration which makes the couple have a heated argument .
Theoretical connections
Family units exist because humans have a natural desire to associate with other humans and it is more satisfying when these interactions are with people that one loves or has learnt to love. This innate desire for human beings to associate is a core element of the family system theory of interdependency. Each person depends on the other for something this consequently has given rise to another aspect of the family systems theory, the roles that each person has to play in the family unit. In the case of Mahendra and Chitra, Chitra and her family were skeptical of his ability to perform his role of providing for his family due to the fact that he was unemployed. This caused strain in their relationship from the time they were engaged until the time when they got married. Chitra expected a change of roles now that she was the one working and providing for both of them. She expected to be relieved for domestic chores and for her husband to be considerate enough to be doing the chores as he remained at home the whole day. This kind of expectations and reversal of roles within an established system are some of the most common causes of family conflicts as noted in the nuclear family emotional system, which observes the effects of a dysfunctional partner in a relationship . For the family unite to experience some sense of balance, all the parties involved have to positively respond to their set responsibilities in the family unit. Some special cases however will call for some compromise for instance in a case where the husband has been the bread winner then loses his job. For some time the wife will assist in meeting the family need as the husband looks for a new job. It captures the importance of wholeness in a family.
Communication style
Wholeness in the family comes through the parties being in tune with each other’s needs through constant and open communication. An environment of honesty creates genuine care towards each other and thus enables family members to have an open view of each other and thus enable them to wholly understand and care for each other’s needs. Chitra and Mahendra were not able to adjust to each other’s situation due to their cultural background which has clear cut roles for both man and woman in a marriage. Both Chitra and Mahendra were brought up with this nation in mind and their families instigated these values in them, Mahendra was never allowed to work by his mother while Chitra’s mother made her feel that her fiancée was not fit enough to carry out his marital duties because he was not employed. In the Indian culture the man is the head of the home and the woman is second fable to the man, her main responsibility in the home is to take care of the household chores and care of the kids.
Stressors
Arguments are known to be a major cause of strained relationships and marriage. Arguments are a clear sign of poor communication between the involved parties. Mahendra and Chitra’s relationship was characterized by never ending arguments based on the cultural fundamentals. Each knew what was expected of their partner and expected them to act according to the set norms and practices. Because this was not forthcoming they had constant arguments. Arguments tend to derail communication lines in relationships. The breakdown of communication line s in a relationship has the potential of bringing the couple to a divorce. Arguments can be remedied but when one party is more opinionated than the other then this causes a challenge for the couple. Chitra is more opinionated than her husband this makes the couple struggle to communicated as at one instant she asked her husband if he thinks he married her too early and Mahendra was unable to give a decisive response .
Strengths
The main bone of contention in the case of Mahendra and Chitra is the difference of marital roles. Each party knows what is expected of them and what they expect from the other, so this is causing them strain as the circumstances in a contemporary world does not give them much leeway with their cultural and societal obligations. If Mahendra would have been working and providing for the family and Chitra was doing her womanly duties then they would not have had any issues in their relationship. Despite the challenges that the couple face the main advantage that they exhibit is the fact that they are willing to live and work together. Mahendra has been unemployed since they were engaged but this wife still agreed to marry him anyway. She was warned about the situation that she would face by her mother but she did not opt out of the marriage. This shows resilience towards a working relationship, both of them have not opted out of the marriage. Love etc is an informative documentary on love that can benefit a variety of individuals in various love situations and stages.
References
Brake, E. (2012). Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Morris, W. (2014, November). Movie Review: Love Etc. Retrieved from The Boston Globe: http://www.boston.com/ae/movies/articles/2011/07/29/jill_andresevics_documentary_love_etc_matches_reality_with_a_touching_honesty/
Murray, B. (2014). Family System Theory: Retrieved from GenoPro: http://www.genopro.com/genogram/family-systems-theory/
Scheib, R. (2012). Movie Review: Love etc. Retrieved from Variety: http://variety.com/2010/film/reviews/love-etc-1117943904/
