In my culture it is certainly the case that communication between genders plays a role in communication. But some of these cultural understandings might come from the genetic make—up that separates the sexes. It is not always easy to know where culture begins and natural differences do. A communication research Susan Sherwood has identified ten different ways that men and women communicate differently. Her research did take into account that culture does play a role in these different communication styles, “This differentiation in youth leads to dissimilar communication styles in adulthood. Women communicate through dialogue, discussing emotions, choices and problems. Males remain action-oriented -- the goal of communication is to achieve something” (Sherwood, n.p.).
Defining love is difficult. It is also strange that it is difficult since so much of our lives revolve around questions of love. If I were pressed to define love, I would define it as a commitment that sees past misunderstandings. Love often is expressed through need. The people we love are the people who we cannot imagine not having in our lives, because who they are forms part of who you are as a person. This is why losing a loved one is so difficult, as it is also the loss of an important part of the self.
Love to a large degree is about self-acceptance. It is hard to let people love you if you do not love yourself. Love is also about freedom. In cultures where there are forced marriages, there is not love, since love requires making a free choice, not being forced to marry someone.
I think all of us attached subconscious conditions on whom we love. There are all things that we could imagine a loved one could do that could cause a person to stop loving them. What is happening here is not so much that a person has chosen to stop loving them, but that they turned out not to be the person they thought they were. Everyone has heard stories about a man or a woman—though in the cultural dialogue it is usually a man—who has hidden for a number of years that he was cheating on his wife. Usually this leads to pain and heartbreak and it often ends the relationship. The pain in these situations come from a person finding out that someone is someone other than they thought they were. This is difficult and this is one of the ways that love is sometimes lost.
The first time I thought I was in love was when I was in grade school and I thought I was in love with one of my classmates. I say, thought, because it is hard to take a youthful crush and call it love. But if anyone at the time had said that I was not in love, I would have argued against that person. So maybe there is something to be said for the merits of the innocence of child-like love.
Part of many people’s definition of love is that it is a “falling,” meaning that a person is not in control. This is one of the defining pillars in love. So there is very little advice you can give to a person falling in love, since part of whom we love is not a choice. I would tell them to enjoy the ride, and hope that everything turns out they way that they want it to.
Work Cited:
"10 Ways Men and Women Communicate Differently : Discovery Channel." Discovery Channel. Web. 21 Nov. 2014. <http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/curiosity/topics/10-ways-men-women-comminucate-differently.htm>.
