Reflection on Tuesdays with Morrie
The film Tuesdays with Morrie is based on a book of the same name by Mitch Albom and tells the story of the dying days of Morrie Schwarz, as told through a series of visits occurring every Tuesday with Mitch Albom. Morrie was a retired Brandeis professor, who is diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) and Albom is the former student having one last “lesson” with Schwarz: a lesson in dying, although Morrie would argue it as a lesson in living.
In watching the film, an initial reaction is sadness. You know, almost from the beginning, the premise of the film is one is which Morrie dies. You watch a vibrant body begin to fall apart even as the mind stays fairly intact until the end. If, like me, you have seen loved ones through the dying process, you cannot help but recall the process, which layers the sadness of the film with our own lens of experience.
The film also brings hopefulness, because through Morrie’s “lessons” and Mitch’s visits we witness the transformation of Mitch from being a self-centered, time crunched, multitasking sports writer to one who learns to connect with people. The dying process in the film illuminates how time with the dying needs to move at their pace, and consequentially makes time so much more valuable.
Touch and Intimacy
American culture embraces the idea of fierce independence. I cannot help but wonder if that has contributed to a lack of meaningful touch in our culture. In the film, Morrie speaks a great deal about dependency and how it is viewed shamefully. Touch can be an acknowledgement of vulnerability because it demonstrates the need for others. Morrie does not seem to suffer from lack of touch. This is in large part because he has so many people in his life that he loves until he dies. He reaches out first with hugs and kind touches. In addition, we see his caregiver lovingly brush his hair, his wife sleep next to him in a separate bed, but touching his shoulder, the weekly massage sessions which at first bring comfort, and later may well extend his life.
I don’t believe this to be a norm for the elderly in our culture. I think there is touch deprivation due to generational differences in acceptances of being touched, comfort levels with being touched by members of the opposite sex and many elderly are not blessed to be surrounded at all times by loved ones, as Morrie was. While casual kissing and intimacy has become more commonplace, displays of genuine emotion or comfort seem to be discouraged. Finally, many of our elderly, particularly those who are ill, are in settings somewhat impersonal with frequent changes in staff, making touch uncomfortable as we have moved from caregiving at home by family to employing people to provide care to our loved ones.
In her article, “Elder Caregiving Effects of Touch” Julie Halpert suggests ways a nurse can increase touch. She suggests they first ask the patient for permission, assess a patient’s nature (to determine what level of touch is acceptable) and keep the touch simple and passive. For example, try simply holding out your hand palm up to let the patient take hold. She lists many benefits to increasing touch: release of oxytocin and endorphins reduce stress, lowered blood pressure and reduced pain, and massage has been shown to decrease nausea, fatigue, anxiety and depression.
Spirituality and Aging
In the film, it was interesting how Morrie, bedridden and frail, could still contribute and change Mitch’s life. Mitch just needed to listen and converse with Morrie. Again, he treated his time with Morrie differently than his “real life”. Eventually however, the slowing down and doing one thing at a time and being fully present carried over to the “real life” Mitch was leading and therefore, it became more fulfilling-just as Morrie had suggested.
Aging can be considered a spiritual journey. One theory for this is that “seniors are always somewhere in the grief process.” (“Spirituality and Aging” 2009) They experience so much loss, not just in the death of peers, family and friends, but also in loss of strength, a weakening of the senses and at times, a loss of freedoms as they may no longer be able to do activities they had enjoyed independently most of their lives ( such as driving).
In viewing the decline of family members, I think spirituality becomes more important because people hope for something that allows their spirits to transcend death. I love when Morrie states a life may end, but relationships don’t. Clearly, he believes in an afterlife. One element of spirituality is an understanding or belief of some form of a greater power to which an individual is connected. (“Spirituality and Aging” 2009) I believe also, as the “pressures” of mid-life wind down- career, child care, monetary concerns- the aging process leaves more time for the bigger questions and self-exploration. It is a time when the body slows, but the mind still looks for answers and we have time to think about spirituality in ways we didn’t have time for when climbing the corporate ladders.
Lastly, aging, and dying is a time of connecting. There are still memories to be made in assisting our elderly to be with their families and grandchildren. In listening to stories that want to be shared, nurses can acknowledge and help patients to acknowledge, that their lives have mattered. As Mitch learned, all those years of experience aren’t for nothing- we can learn so much from our elderly population just by listening.
Quotes
“Learn how to die and you learn how to live” says Morrie in the film. He knew he wanted to die surrounded by loved ones, eating what he’d like, sharing great stories and recalling beautiful memories. In order to do those things he had to make time in his life for all those things. Personally, I found people die as they lived. If they were lovely and caring in life, in the death process, they tried to remain considerate of others and loving and say lovely things before their time was up. If they lived a life where they were demanding and difficult, it was only exacerbated by terminal illness and they died, angry, demanding and feeling as though they “deserved” more. Are the two statements the same? Honestly, I am not sure.
Finally, Morrie says “Aging is not decay but GROWTH!” Morrie was accepting of each stage of his life-even the dying one. He felt there was always something new to learn and that was growing. Each stage had its own lessons. I would agree with that statement. Aging is difficult because of a loss of physical attributes, but it brings new things: patience, gratitude, the ability to delay gratification, a loss of rashness. Aging has its own gifts. As youth has enthusiasm and energy, aging can bring peace and pleasure in simple things. Aging in American culture is deeply personal though. If there has been a focus on outward appearance and accolades throughout a person’s youth and mid-life, aging can be painful. It brings me back to the idea of having said, I believe people die as they have lived.
Resources
Halpert, Julie. (n.d.) Elder Caregiving Effects of Touch Retrieved from https://www.caring.
com/articles/elder-caregiving-effects-of-touch
Ogden, J. (Producer) & Jackson, M. ( Director). (1999) Tuesdays with Morrie (Motion Picture).
Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGCYD_7taKA
“Spirituality and Aging” (2009) Retrieved from https://www.nap411.com/family.spirituality-a-
aging/
Halpert, Julie. (n.d.) Elder Caregiving Effects of Touch Retrieved from https://www.caring.
com/articles/elder-caregiving-effects-of-touch
