Human beings are social animals. People need to talk to each other and communicate their ideas and feelings every now and then. But strangely so, communication becomes the hardest task of all for almost everyone to carry out. Getting the original ideas through is a tough job. Many times people find themselves in a conversation where they are at a complete loss for speaking their minds. Even more often individuals are lost in choosing the right way to start a conversation. There is a general fear of rejection of the conversation completely and what follows is an awkward silence. The situation gets worse, as ideas do not get through and the purpose of the conversation is not fulfilled. There are a plethora of reasons why a person may fail to start a conversation. Sadly enough, failing to initiate an effective conversation leads to personal and professional losses, from failed relationships and misunderstandings to failed interviews and business deals. These repercussions may seem very far-fetched but indeed they are for real and happening all around. This article tries to find out why starting a conversation is important and what significance it holds at a personal level.
Communication begins effectively when initiated in the right manner. Starting a conversation is therefore one of the most crucial aspects of communication. I have learnt from my personal experience that to communicate with someone, one has to be confident enough in the approach. One cannot have doubts about oneself, although complete confidence in oneself is not possible. Moreover, too much of confidence can wreak havoc to the conversation completely. It is difficult to strike up a conversation for someone who does not have it in their nature. However, this becomes a downside and can amount to be termed as being introvert, even though it may not be so in reality. An introvert is a person who has problem in communicating at all times, and it can easily be mistaken with shyness. A shy person will have problem with communicating with a person in the beginning but may gradually open and develop a completely different nature as one gets to know the other person better. Hence, shyness is an altogether different personality state than introvert. An introvert will always have problem in communicating, even though the person has become familiar to a point that no shyness can practically prevail. In my case, I and my friends discovered that I am at the most a shy person and open up once I have become familiar with someone. The reason to understand the difference between these personality traits is very important so as to begin learning ways and means to develop qualities that can help someone cover up their personal trait.
The key to a good conversation is not actually speaking your mind first, but letting the other person speak their mind (Conklin). One can never be too sure of the other person and therefore letting someone speak about themselves is the best way to begin a conversation, because that is a topic anyone will know much about. Listening becomes the key, as the other person begins to feel that you understand them. This brings in a form of confidence in the conversation. Therefore, whenever a conversation is started it should be done in a way to show that one is interested in what the other has to say. Talking about the weather does not count as a good conversation starter (Conklin). When one gets past the greetings, one can get started with a life topic that may neutral to the speaker as well as the listener. Avoiding personal topics like religion, money, family problems etc.
Another important aspect I learnt in my personal conversations is that communication is not all about words. A lot of conversation happens before we actually begin to speak. This communication is known as non-verbal communication. To strike up a conversation with someone, one needs to be able to judge the physical signals their hearer sends out. These physical signals are a stark indicator of the person’s current mood and in many cases the person’s personality as well. The benefit of this comes to me as I begin to speak with the person. When one is able to adjudge what state of mind the person is in, one can adjust my own physical stance to make myself more comfortable and confident, as one would minimize chances of a failed conversation. Apart from this, my physical appearance has to be apt for the other person to naturally begin to accept my presence and prepare their mind for a conversation with me.
One cannot be prepared for starting a conversation as far as ones clothing is concerned (Galst). Therefore, one must always exude an image of being comfortable in their skin. In my personal experiences, when conversing with new people irrespective of the place whether on a public transport or in the campus I always felt confident when I could find the person in synch with my mental state. But this worked to my disadvantage as I would not be able to get through with people I did not find a matching perspective with. I was not able to convey my message to anyone whom I did not have the confidence to speak with. Conklin in his article said that most communications fail because one of the speakers cannot muster enough confidence to speak with the other because they are wary of the fact that the other may not accept their physical and emotional state. The best way to get through this is to learn to communicate in and understand non-verbal communication. To begin a conversation effectively ones whole personality should show acceptance and a welcoming attitude which should strike a balance, one that is neither too stressed nor too carefree (Billikopf).
Apart from non-verbal communication, there are other things that one must know before he or she is confident enough to strike up a conversation with someone. One must be earnest with whatever they are going to speak; a lie at the beginning of a conversation can spell disaster, as it is bound to get caught. I have learnt from my own experiences that beginning a topic that I cannot handle makes me look like a fool. The other important thing is that I must know what I am going to achieve from this conversation. If a person’s mind is in a constant state of dilemma it is difficult to get the first idea out. Therefore, before one begins to talk to someone, one must clear their head and focus on the matter at hand. This helps in retaining ones focus when initiating a conversation, be it a viva voce, asking someone out for a date or a conversation with someone complete unknown. An interview or a viva voce may not actually require a person to speak first but starting a conversation does not always mean that one must speak first. Either way the first words of the speaker must make an impact that can carry the conversation forward.
There are many aspects to striking up a conversation, from one’s nature to one’s knowledge (Knapman). Knowing helps and so does practicing, but one can be too prepared at times. Confidence to act impromptu then becomes the best way out. One must never forget that judgments can be changed and first impressions overridden when one strikes up an effective conversation. The best way to begin so is by greeting and placing a neutral query. Learning from observations is a good option as well (Billikopf). A lot of conversations begin around in a public place, but only a few of them turn into animated ones. Observing and hearing the non-verbal communication going on, not eavesdropping on the content, can give a clue as to what an effective beginning can be.
I have learnt from this research and my own observations that there are no said rules for beginning a conversation. All one needs is the right state of mind and a welcoming attitude. Appearing interested when a person is not is faking it and can be caught easily. What a reader can get from this research is that beginning a conversation includes knowing the right starter and a genuine promise of being ready to listen and accept what is being said. One may fail in the beginning but as one gains experience; one can know what needs to be said because mistakes are the best teachers.
Works cited
Billikopf, G. Listening First Aid. Empathetic Approach. 10 Dec. 2009. Accessed 30 Nov. 2013. Web.
Conklin, M G. Conversation: What to Say and How to Say It. 1912. New York and London: Funk & Wagnalls Company. Print
Galst, L. "Cornered: Therapists on Planes". The New York Times 27 September 2010, Accessed 30 Nov 2013. Web.
Knapman, D. “Conversation Sharp - The Biography of a London Gentleman, Richard Sharp (1759-1835), in Letters, Prose and Verse”. Private Publication, British Library. 2004. Print.
