Reflective Journal IV
Chapter XIV Controlling Your Own Emotional Destiny Although it took me over 50 years, I have finally realized that the only thoughts and actions I really have control over are my own. To this day I still take other peoples criticism and rejections too seriously. Publically I claimed that I don’t care what others think but deep down I always think that there is still something wrong with me. An example of this would be when I helped a young woman get set up her business. I poured my finances, time, Wisdom, heart, and soul into helping her. I was determined to help her become a better leader and financially independent. She was growing every day, enjoying success. I was so proud of her. I thought of her like a daughter. One day she decided to join another company and take everything I taught her and build this other company. I was hurt, and felt betrayed. I kept on thinking, where did I let her down, what else could I have done to help her, I guess I’m not a very good leader if I just had one of my best leaders abandon me. Publically I was declaring that it didn’t bother me and I hoped she achieved success but inside I was rooting against her and hoped for her new company to fail. After reading this chapter, I can accept that people are people. People will do what they perceived to be in their own best interest. Just because somebody decides to follow somebody else does not make herself a bad leader. Our lives can be enhanced or diminished by the things we tell ourselves.
Chapter XVI acquiring Self-discipline Wow, powerful chapter. Self-discipline is one of the keys to success. Most people attempt to avoid difficulties in life. Successful people as well as unsuccessful people have things they dread doing. The difference is that success people do the things they dread while unsuccessful people do everything they can in order to avoid doing the things they dread. I once heard my wife say that 20 seconds of insane courage changes people’s lives. Ellis and Harper point out that by avoiding difficulties, we actually exaggerate the pain of the task. Additionally they point out that if we try and fail, we learn from the failures. If we fail to try we learn nothing. I have learned that failure is a part of success. You cannot have success without some failures. I was taught a few years ago to go out and have massive failures that way I was sure to have success. At first I thought this was a crazy advice but after following through with the advice, I would have to say it is probably the best advice I ever received.
An example of trying to avoid difficulties for me would be last year. I was having a difficult time with my school work. My business had me traveling a bunch and when I got home I didn’t feel like doing my school work. I fell behind. Instead of trying to catch up I found myself trying to rationalize dropping out. I received an “F” as a final grade in one of my classes due to turning in late work. I was put on academic probation. I needed an “A” in one of my next two classes or I was done. I was telling myself that the degree didn’t mean anything anymore and I was not going to make any more money so why put myself through all this? Well I got a dose of reality from my wife. She was livid. I had been back in school since 2002. She brought up what I teach people about goal setting. Additionally she said what if everybody just quits when things get difficult? I started to see the picture. She then got on Facebook and encouraged all my friends and family to send me encouragement. I decided to knuckle down and get to work. That is one of the best decision I have ever made. I have gone from high school dropout to achieving my Master’s degree from a major University. I could not be prouder, but what if I would have gave in to difficulties?
Chapter XVII Rewriting Your Personal History
I once believed in irrational belief No. 8 that my past would determine my future. I now believe that we can start over anytime we wish to. Too many people allow past failures to determine future opportunities. If we learn from or past failures, we are new people or at least armed with new information. Thank goodness Thomas Edison never let 10,000 failures determine his success. He was trying to invent the light bulb. Instead of viewing each experiment that didn’t work as a failure he view it as finding a way that didn’t work, so he didn’t have to look at that way anymore. He viewed that every time his invention didn’t work; he was one step closer to finding a way which did. Ellis and Harper pointed out that when we allow ourselves to be strongly influenced by the past; we limit ourselves in finding alternative solutions to current problems. Additionally if we only perform a certain way because we always did it a certain way in the past, we fail to learn by new experiences. I have recently learned that the same thinking that got you into a certain predicament will not get you out of it. If you want to change your results, you have to change your thinking.
Chapter XX Overcoming Inertia and Getting Creatively Absorbed
Most of the people I know hang their happiness on the idea that “someday I will be able to retire and do nothing all day.” According to Ellis and Harper, People that are inactive for long periods of time get bored and are not happy. They go on to say that happiness comes from progression toward any worthy goal. They make the point that people often fear failure and this fear is sometimes what keeps people from doing things that they would enjoy if they could just get past the fear. People will keep from certain activities just to avoid this irrational fear. If they can keep from doing the activities long enough they might even convince themselves that they really have no interest in the activities. An example would be, when I was a preteen I would go out and try to help my dad work on his car. I idolized my dad. The first time I tried to help him, I handed him the wrong tool, so he chastised me. The second time I tried to help him, I didn’t know what some kind of part he was working on, so he humiliated me in front of my brother. So it went the next few times that I tried to help I was hollered at, chastised, and embarrassed. One day I remember my mom telling me to go help dad work on the car. I told her I just don’t like working on cars. After reading this chapter, I realize the reason I convinced myself I didn’t like working on cars is because I associated working on cars with the fear of being ridiculed. Its wasn’t that I didn’t like working on cars. Most young boys love working on cars and being around their father. I just could not get past this fear so I convinced myself I didn’t like working on cars and I had no aptitude in this area. To this day I can hardly change the oil.
Online Readings School of Self Discipline Lack of discipline was the main reason it took me so many years to achieve success. When I started putting off instant gratification and traded it for long term personal improvement, I began to see drastic changes in my life. My life started to get easier. Without self-discipline I was prone to excuses. As long as I continued to look at outside forces as the reason from my mediocrity, my life never changed. Successful people as well as unsuccessful people don’t like doing certain things. Only difference is successful people apply a little bit of self-discipline and do the things that they don’t like to do. Unsuccessful people don’t do the things they don’t like to do. I book marked the online readings to refer back to them often when teaching success principles.
References
Ellis, Albert., Harper, Robert. (1997). GuideTo Rational Living: Melvin Powers
WilshireBook Company. Chatsworth, CA (New York, NY): Bantam Dell
http://self-discipline.8m.com/
