Carter and McGoldrick
Abstract
Family bonds are the most important things in the life of human beings. These bonds have a power to build as well as destroy the proper shaping of the personality of children, especially of adolescents. Thus, in the assignment, we would discuss about the Todds, a family that had difficulties in becoming strong as a family and how they dealt with the difficulties. Also, some tips of communication for parents is discussed.
Keywords : Family, adolescents, personality, tips of communication.
The structure and type of a family varies from culture to culture. A family has both inclusive as well as exclusive elements. Keeping this in mind, the U.S. Bureau of the Census defined family as “two or more peoplerelated by birth, marriage, or adoption and residing together in the same housing unit.” The stage that I’ve chosen is the stage of family that has adolescent children.
I have a neighbour who recently shifted with his family of six. The Todds were a nuclear family with a set of parents and four children. Out of the four children, two of them were adolescents and the others were toddlers. In the first few weeks, the family seemed to be peaceful but later, tensions were observed within their household. The parents had a lot of difficulty in dealing with the adolescent members of their family. The adolescents were slipping out off their hands into a crowd that was very unruly and were on the verge of ruining their entire lives. The parents had to take care of themselves and look after their toddlers at the same time. Every single day, the adolescents were getting engaged in things that were not at all healthy. They were resorting to drugs, were out drinking at clubs, and they were not known with a good reputation in school as well. On the other hand, the parents were both working parents so they never really had time to talk to their children about relationships and teenage. The daughter, Elise, and the son, Ryan, engaged themselves in too many sexual relationships and were completely diverted from studies. Their grades were going down and it had created tension among them due to which their degree of drinking and smoking and drugs increased. In teenage, it is natural to try new things but to a certain level. The Todd children seemed to be crossing that line as days passed by. Substance abuse also affected their behaviour with their family at home and also, with each other. The adolescents were completely ignorant towards their siblings and found them annoying all the time. Ryan and Elise also hated each other and their parents and wished that they never existed in their lives. The family was going through a very hard time. The parents could not find any solution for it until my father went up to them and suggested family therapy for all the members in the family of the Todds.
The next day, the Todds attended the appointment they had with the counsellor for family therapy. They were willing to do everything to get back to the way their lives used to be. At first, it was hard for the parents to bring the adolescents to the therapy but later, the children agreed. They were asked to talk to each other and not hide anything. They did so. Both the parents put forward their concerns regarding their adolescent children, Ryan and Elise and the children also shared about their problems with their parents and provided reasons for how they ended up involving themselves in the crowds that were rowdy. They attended the therapy for six months and the results were very satisfactory. In my opinion, the way the Todds dealt with their familial problems was very brave and emotional. Even though they did not have togetherness in the family before the therapy, they managed to unite themselves during and after the therapy of six months. It was really good to see the Todds become a peaceful and healthy family again. In addition to this, Ryan and Elise’s grades had improved, the toddlers were being brought up very nicely and the parents had become able to manage time for themselves, their four children as well as their work. From then on, the Todds started to have family meetings once a week in which the whole family shred about their professional as well as personal lives.
The Todds were very similar to other families with adolescent children. The concerns of the parents and the problems of the adolescents were the same as that of all the other families that were dealing with their difficulties at this stage. However, unlike some other families, the Todds took less time in solving their problems even though these problems were quite serious. What was even more different is the fact that after the therapeutic session with the counsellor had successfully ended, they had come up with their own way of dealing with their familial problems and concerns by holding weekly family meetings. This is not done by most of the families that have successfully gone through counselling sessions. Because of the counselling session, the family had become closer than ever and had forgotten about their past and had begun a new life again. Further, the children were also understanding towards their family. They had readily agreed to attend the therapy. But many adolescents would actually refuse to attend or just leave therapeutic session of any kind.
It is quite natural as well as common to have difficulties with adolescent children. The adolescent stage is a very fragile stage. It is the stage in which children become open to new experiences. The type of family plays a very important role in this stage. The family is the only source of guidance for adolescent children at home. The teachings of the family shape the type of individual an adolescent grows up to be. This stage of life is the most influential stage in life. It is full of excitement and experiences which we laugh about later. Families with adolescent children go through a difficult time and those manage to solve such problems show how courageous and understanding they can be. However, it is unfortunate to know that there are many families that have turned out to be unsuccessful in terms of dealing with their adolescent children. Due to lack of resources, too, families have been destroyed. This is especially so in the case of families which live in poverty or an unsafe neighbourhood.
Another problem faced by families with adolescent children is the inability to guide their children. The adolescent stage is the only stage of life in which many individuals develop thoughts of suicide. Thus, it is important for parents to talk to their children from time to time so that such thoughts never even enter an adolescent’s mind. In this sense, the way a family guides the adolescent plays a major role.
It is very important for every family member to have patience and tolerance towards each other. There should also be courage present among families to put forward their problems and concerns. Parents should also make sure that they never make their children, especially adolescents, feel less loved. This was so in the case of the Todds to some extent but they managed to overcome the obstacle. It is the duty of the parents to talk to their adolescent children and let them share things no matter how busy they might be. It is important for parents to let their adolescent children to know that they are listening. This can be done by the following tips : “When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen. Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive. Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear. Let them complete their point before you respond. Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly” (From Helpcenter, Communication tips for parents, American Psychological Association). Thus, this stage of family is the most difficult as well as the happiest stage and if people put more effort, they can be able to overcome all problems in life and family.
Reference
The family life cycle: Phases, stages, and crises. Gerson, Randy Mikesell, Richard H. (Ed); Lusterman, Don-David (Ed); McDaniel, Susan H. (Ed), (1995). Integrating family therapy: Handbook of family psychology and systems theory. , (pp. 91-111). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association, xvii, 645 pp. Retrieved from http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/10172-005.
Allen, T.D., & Finkelstein, L.M. (2014). Work-family conflict among members of full-time dual-earner couples: An examination of family life stage, gender, and age. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 19(3), 376-384. Retrieved from http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/ocp/19/3/376/.
