Chapter 1-Childhood
I am very thankful for the individual I am today due to my parent's upbringing. It is only after one is out of his childhood that his appreciations of the childhood memories come into play. As a child, I had parents whose mode of parenting styles differed immensely and yet they were all able to cope with my explosive nature. My mother was very authoritative in that she did not allow me to do what I wanted without permission. On the other hand, my father was passive and permissive. In some instances, he did not even seem to care what I was up to. His primary aim was to ensure that I lived a childhood that was similar to his and did not see any fuss about what my mother always complained of. This left me in a very perilous position in that I did not know what my mother would not approve of while in the same sense I had difficulty in what decisions that my father would take.
I remember when I had my fourth birthday party that had been organized by my mother. Being the easy going child that I thought I was, I decided to invite some of my friends as it was the norm. What I did not contemplate about was the kinds of friends that I was supposed to invite and amongst some of my ‘friends’, there was one friend whom my mother later described as an adult and yet he was only a teenager. My mother had baked a cake and invited some of her friends to the party that was supposed to commence in the afternoon. By the raw nature of being a child and huge anticipation of the party, I grew very anxious to tasting the cake that my mother had baked. My ‘friend’ convinced me that we should taste the cake. We went ahead and ate the cake. In fact, we ate almost half of the cake and my friend took off. My mother was very irate at me and, as a result, I was grounded for some few weeks. My father, on the other hand, found it interesting that I was in a position to eat almost half of the cake. From this time onwards, I became very weary on various matters that involved my mother. I ended up growing with some inner fear towards my mother and tended to make decisions to please her. My father was always calm however I came to know that he meant business in any case that I did not follow what he had told me. He used to joke to me that sparing the rod would spoil me. This did not make logic to me until I decided to go and swim in a nearby lake that had been rumored to have some dangerous animals. To me, I could not pass the prospect to have fun. After all, he would not know. That is what I thought. When I arrived home, he decided to cane while smiling. He told me that the ‘crocodiles’ in the lake had informed him that I had gone to disturb them. Therefore, I grew up knowing that my dad could communicate with animals. When I look back at those days, I could really comprehend what my parents wanted for me. For my mother, she always wanted me to grow as a disciplined individual and thus could not tolerate what she considered as bad manners. Her authoritative nature influenced how I deal with things today as I tend to be very strict with almost everything that I do. My father, on the other hand, was much concerned about my safety and anything that I did that seemed to put me in any sort of danger was dealt with aggression.
After the different disciplinary actions that I had met because of my misdemeanor while I was a child, I really looked forward to my adolescent time. I knew that when kids are in that stage of their development, they were entitled to have their freedom. Time went fast and then one day my mother pointed out that I had started being rude. To me I could not comprehend what she was referring to. In my culture, I saw myself as being an adult and thus I could do what adults could do. I remember refusing to do the dishes and bullying my younger sister to do it for me. In the school, my class teacher had requested me to come with my parents to have a chat. What I did not know was that other children in school had reported me for various incidences of bullying. What I thought was playing was hurting other children. When I was punished for my actions, my self-esteem was dented.
Chapter 2-Adulthood
My real life changed during my adolescence. I had noticed that my parents were no longer staying in the same room. What I did not comprehend is that my parents were undergoing a divorce. Through the authoritative nature of my mother, my dad had been forced to live with us as my mother considered it to be the best for us. My father had decided to continue living with us due to his easy temperament. What I knew as a tight family that had broken really impacted my actions. I started receiving favors from my parents that were not previously there to my utter surprise. The other impact was the manner in which other children treated me in school. Being a responsible adolescent as my mother had taught me, I had taken up various roles in our class. I had also joined the school council and thus I was representing my fellow students. When the news got out that my parents were getting a divorce, some students started making fun of me. Initially, I knew that I was a rude student and the responsibilities that had been bestowed upon me had made me the person solving the situations and not causing the situations.One day a bigger boy from the next class started laughing at my family and we ended up having a fight. To some point, I can say that I was suffering from an identity crisis in that I did not understand the roles that I was supposed to play. I was then demoted from the school council and then suspended from school for an indefinite period. This forced me to stay at home at that was the one place that I did not want to stay at. I started taking other people’s property for example bicycles. My life was in disarray. I was devastated that my family was not going to be together and this was further compounded by the fact that my dreams of obtaining education was in shambles. I did not know what to think about while I was at home in regard to the individualistic decisions that my parents had taken.
It was not long, but my parents decided not to proceed with their divorce. This made me happy and once again my life was back on track. I returned to school and most of my colleagues had been told what I was going through and they were very receptive towards me and my sisters. This was done after I had received enough counseling sessions to deal with my emotional vulnerability and thus I became more accommodating than I had been. Significantly, I received primary support when I was reinstated back to my position in the student’s council. Another significant event that changed my life was the cultural practices that are done during the initiation ceremonies from childhood to adulthood. My parents argued about the procedure to be used as to whether we could continue with the traditional way or go to the hospital for my circumcision. My father being self-centered wanted me to pass through the rites of passage of our community and my mother could not agree. What concerned me was that I was not offered the opportunity to make a choice and yet the event involved me majorly. In the end, I was competent to convince my parents to permit me to make a choice as I then considered myself an adult. The decision that I made did not only impact me on my thinking in future but also gave me the prospect to demonstrate to my parents that I had come of age. I was ready to make decisions that are right. The style of parenting that I would have in future will be the combination of authoritarian style of parenting and easy going at some point. This is because it will give my children the opportunity to grow as I did and take responsibility of the choices that they have made.
As I document the various life changing events that I underwent while growing from my childhood to adulthood, I am able to comprehend the different learning processes that individuals go through in their lifetimes. I am able to be appreciative of how I was treated by my parents and in some instances I understand why my mother had to be authoritative. I also comprehend why my father was strict and easy going at the same time in that currently I am able to choose what is right and what is wrong. I am also competent to make judgments based on what I think is the best for me and my colleagues.
