Business Writing Basics
We shipped your order by UPS, and we are sure it will arrive in time for the sales promotion on May 15.
Revision: Your order was shipped via UPS and you will receive in time for your sale promotion on May 15.
We are pleased to announce that we have selected you to join our trainee program.
Revision: You have been selected to join our trainee program.
Negative vs. Positive Language
Construction cannot begin until the building plans are approved.
Revision: When the building plans are approved, the construction will begin.
If you fail to pass the exam, you will not qualify.
Revision: You will not qualify until you pass the exam.
Adopting Conversational Language
They ascertained that the stipulations were too perplexing.
Revision: They found out that the conditions were too confusing.
The aforementioned compensation scale encompasses the entire workforce.
Revision: The said compensation scale covers the entire workforce.
Vague vs. Vivid Language
They said the new program was good.
Revision: Management announced that the new promotional program appeals to the company’s target market.
An employee from that company notified us about the change in date.
Revision: Mr. Jones, the Marketing Manager of ABC Company notified us about the change in schedule of the seminar on globalization.
Wordy vs. Concise Language
I am writing this letter because Dr. Steven Hunt suggested that your organization was going to be hiring interns.
Revision: I would like to apply as an intern in your organization.
We actually did not really give his plan a very fair trial.
Revision: We did not give his plan a fair trial.
Revision: Students will appreciate Prof. Hagan’s excellent course.
Revision: Mr. Thomas gave an appraisal of the house.
During the time → while/when
Feel free to → just/go
In the near future →tomorrow/immediately/soon/very soon
In view of the fact that → since/because/in as much as/whereas/while
In addition to the above →furthermore/moreover/in addition/also/additionally
