After reading the poem by Susan Minot “My Husband’s back” I began to think about love relations and their role in our life. How do they affect us? How much do they influence our lives? The author tries to show her feeling in this short poem, but everything is clear without any other words. The author is ready to travel everywhere to be behind the back of her husband. There is only one person in her life – her husband and it is may be not real love but love dependence. But from that poem it becomes clear that the woman loves her husband and thinks that he is a man of her dream and he is a person she can rely on. His back symbolizes a strong man, taking care about his family, lighting the wood. (Minot 1) Looking at his shirt, it is clear that they are very poor but even though she loves him and thinks he is her best choice.
When we talk about love, we have different understanding of this word. There are two types of love relations- when a person wants to share his/her love with another partner. In this case the feeling is pure with trust, warmth, tenderness, but sometimes such a feeling can be like some love dependence. True love has to be without any interests, based on trust, giving happiness and joy and a person needs to be sure in the next day. The woman in the poem is confident in her feelings and in the feelings of his husband. She speaks so tenderly about his back and that means that she loves him too much. Such love happens not very often nowadays as our world is cruel and people lost the sense of love. If there is true love, a person becomes better and looks better. But sometimes love is misunderstood with love dependence. Such love is often described in literature, love poetry, novels. People like to suffer from love and relations. Such sick love is considered to be special and true. But it is not so. Dependent love causes different breakdowns, hysterics, fights and crimes. How to differ these two kinds of love? What kind of love does this woman from the poem have?
Let’s analyze and decide. If a person feels good together with a partner and separately from him/her, if a person accepts himself/herself as an entire personality and respect each other, feel positive and happy feeling at meetings, then it is true love. If people are happy for success of the partner, all the sphere of their lives are successful during such relations, both partners are free in their decision and thoughts, both become happier and more successful in such relations, when you are sure in your next day and there is no fear that relations will end suddenly it is a true love. A person has to be confident in her partner.
Any relations can’t destroy a personality. If a person realizes that he/she can’t live without another person and that it is very hard to be separately, very soon it will be the feeling that it is hard to be together too. If a person love-dependent, she only lies from time to time after meeting or talk with the partner. If a partner doesn’t call, then the life stops and everything is in darkness and nothing is pleasant for a person. It is like a hard disease and it is necessary to avoid it. Dependent people forget about their career, relatives and everything else. There is only one object in their life – their partner and it is terrible. This woman in the poem shows that even being poor, she is looking at her husband and feels only positive emotions as he is a real husband who will always take care about his family and wife and will not hurt her and not abuse her. We all used to think that only physical abuse is a crime, but very often psychological abuse is more terrible that previous one. As a person can’t understand what happens with her and can be in a great depression. He/she needs a partner like a little child a mom. It is not a healthy feeling, it is a sick condition.
The woman in the novel shows a completely different situation. She is looking at her husband’s back and thinks that he is her support help and guard. She is confident in him and she knows that new day will bring her only positive emotions because she has a nice husband. Their relations are open and sincere, there is no lie and pretend. The woman in the novel has true love and they are really lucky.
In love dependent relations the behavior of people are quite different. One partner loves, another partner allows to love him or her. A person tries to control every step of the partner; he/she want to know everything about the partner’s life. It is not normal as every person has to have his/her own space. People need to love each other and support and not to destroy each other lives. Two partners have to trust and to respect each other and love can’t be dependent, as true love has to be open and sincere and bring only happiness and joy and not despair and sadness. Even after a break with a partner, another partner has to think positively about him or her and does not wish him the worst. (Paul 2)
In conclusion, it is possible to say that if you are so attached to someone and can’t live without that person, it is necessary to try to give to yourself and others what it is you want from this person. Your task is to become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be. (Paul 2) Only after that you will be “in love” not only in need.” You will love a person just for who he or she is, and will not expect that this person can do for you. It is better to give love from the heart and feel filled and not only to need love and to be dependent.
Works Cited
Minot, Susan. My Husband’s Back. 2005. Web. Jan. 27, 2017
Paul, Margaret. Is This Love or Emotional Dependency. 2012. Web. Jan. 27, 2017
