Abstract
This peer review looks at Alex Pierce’s story, The Challenging Two Mile, which is a story about a young man who is running a two mile race at Virginia State Championships. This tale is a self-reflection and personal growth story that follows a chronological plot format, focusing on the character and his pain as the main imagery from the audience’s viewpoint. While the overall image of the two-mile race sets the backdrop, it is the internal and external body struggles that make this story so captivating. Fast-paced and well-written it is an honest, simple and down-to-earth learning experience that any audience can understand and relate to. The peer review reflects highly on not only the quality of writing, but also the flow, tone, storyline topic and overall appeal of this story. Few suggestions for improvement are included as the author of this peer review views the story as a success. The peer review investigates the following areas in its examination of this story: Manuscript Format, Rhetorical Mode, Title, Character, Plot, Context, Imagery, Clarity, Thesis, Audience, and Bottom Line.
Dear Alex,
First off, let me thank you for writing a very exciting and fast paced story. I really did get a sense of what it was like to be in the race with the main character. I enjoyed the sense of rushing and being quick as you showed how the others were so far ahead of him. It created an image of speed because you were so good at describing how he was “slow” and yet he was still running fast. Very unique technique. I thought I would approach this peer review by looking at a breakdown of the areas that a review should focus on, these being Manuscript Format, Rhetorical Mode, Title, Character, Plot, Context, Imagery, Clarity, Thesis, Audience, and Bottom Line. I will also use a claim/evidence format to help you with understanding exact problematic or talented areas of your story. Finally, I will use the format of page.paragraph.line (i.e., 1.2.3) to indicate what specific area of your text I am referring to.
The manuscript format is a chronological story, meaning it starts at lap one and ends at the end of lap eight. This is a good way to show process and for the reader to understand where they are going in your story. As it is a race, starting at lap one is logical and then the reader knows where they are headed. What this does is helps the reader to get into the race. Much like when you watch the Olympics and you get all excited as the racer goes around and around the track. You start rooting for them. I liked the set up, but have a question about laps 4 and 5. On page one, you move from lap one, two to three and then on page two you start with laps 6 and 7. Out of curiosity, does anything happen in laps 4 or 5? I don’t know if they need to be mentioned but as you describe each other lap, I was wondering if the runner just phases out in laps 4 and 5. Overall, your manuscript format is very good. It has an inviting opening with the first line and it has a good “the moral of the story” ending in the last paragraph.
The rhetorical mode is also well done. You have written in first person, using ‘I’ consistently throughout the story. In addition you have been consistent in staying in the character’s “mind” by using words such as felt (1.1.1), tired (1,1,3), feel 1.2.5), considering (1.3.4), and realized (2.3.4) to name a few. These self-reflective or feeling words set a tone that the reader is able to relate to – tiredness, disbelief, and disappointment. In this way, and much to your credit, you are consistent throughout the story.
I do have a question about the title though. Please consider this my quirk and not one of the story. Do you want to add Race into the title, or are you letting the reader get into the story and then let them feel the race? Whatever you decide, you have will people who want the word Race in for clarity and those who will be okay with “learning” what the “two mile” is.
I really like the character in the story. I can really feel his struggle, not only with wondering what is happening, as in confused by how he can’t run like he believes he should. “I never felt so tired in my life before” (1.1.2-3), “I felt like I was working harder than I ever had all season” (1.2.5-60, and “I wished more than anything that I was in that group” (1.3.2) are all good examples of creating a compassionate character. He seems human, an everyday guy, and has everyday life thoughts that anyone can relate to.
As mentioned above, this story is a chronological tale that develops from lap one to eight. What this does is lets the reader know the story is moving forward. In the first line we are told the race is a two mile one. Anyone knowing running will automatically know that this means eight laps. What this does is sets the reader up to understand the plot will move forward in these increments. Secondly, personally I find the plot to be exciting because the character says right off the bat that he is tired, therefore I want him to win. Two places I think where the plot is especially exciting is, one, in the third lap when the front group is 100 meters a head (1.3.1), and two, when the narrator/character mentions in 2.2.4-5 that everyone was a head and he was giving his last final “kick.” I thought I was watching a Hollywood movie where the main character is always the super hero. I thought at this point he would win. I think this is really good planning on the part of the writer, you, to have me as the reader still thinking these thoughts at this point in the story. I think the story is very well planned out and I congratulate you on that.
In terms of context, imagery, and clarity again I thought these were well done. For anyone who has participated in or watched racing, the context of this story is realistic. The imagery is also good. In this story you focus on the personal imagery of the character. What I mean by this is that this is less about the actual imagery of what a high school race looks like, but more from the imagery of what it looks like through the character’s eyes – what he sees externally and internally. Externally he watches the other runners ahead of him, for example, 2.2.4-5; internally, we can imagine him looking inward at his mind’s thoughts as he considers his failure (2.3.2) and even when he almost does an out-of-body-looking-at-himself when he is trying to figure out what is wrong with him (1.1.3 and 1.2.5). I picture it like this. In movies they often show the close up image of the main character and in the background you can see what is happening but it is a little blurry. This is so the audience knows what is going on, in context, but they are also focused on the reactions and expressions of the main character. This is the overall imagery your story creates.
Finally, for clarity. I want to point out that in 1.1.3 it mentions he is only done 1/8th of the race. Then the story jumps to the second lap. I wonder if a smoother transition could happen between the end of paragraph one and the beginning of paragraph two. 1.1.3 moves from 1/8th to end of the second lap in 1.1.4. Then the next paragraph begins “after the second lap.” Somehow I thought this was a bit repetitive. I think the repetition is okay but while I can’t exactly say what is bothering me here, I just know I would like it to flow in thought more. Earlier I pointed out the jump on the top of page two from descriptions of the 1-3 laps, but then a skip to the 6th-7th laps. Maybe a short description of what laps 4-5 are like might fit in. Try it and see if it works.
There is a very good transition in thought from 2.2 to 2.3. Having “disappointment” the last word of paragraph three and then showing that disappointment in 2.3.1-2 is excellent. In conclusion, the style of writing is very well done, but the last few lines of 2.3 have some typos and grammar issues. 2.3.7 “to become and even better runner” and 2.3.8 “way and has helped me and motivated me” is a little wordy.
The thesis statement is about the character going out too slow in the race, not as he said he went out too fast but too slow (1.1.4-5). This is a very good twist. I like that instead of saying he wasn’t fast enough you focused on the slow. Then throughout the story you “show” how this happens: 1.2.4 jogging; 1.2.5 barely feel; 1.3.1 ahead of me; 1.3.2 wished more than anything I was in that group. The thesis statement sets the tone for the audience which you have captured very well. Any school student of any age knows about racing and most people know about running at the Olympics. You have reached out to a specific but broad audience, and even if this running-knowledgeable audience is not the reader, then people in general understand trying your best and not always winning. If anything this is very much like real life where we learn “not even the best runner always get first place” (2.3.4).
The bottom line is this is a very well-written exciting story that any audience can understand and enjoy. It is fast-paced, with the ironic twist of focusing on the “slowness” of the main character, and it gives hope to the reader, because heh, if the character and fail and find hope in his experience, then so too can the reader.
