In the world, about half of marriages of 25-40-year-olds end in the collapse, and in the majority of these families have children. Influence of divorce of parents on the psychological state of children of their future life cannot be overestimated. Family is the most important thing for a child. It satisfies the basic children's psychological love, communication, security needs. From the first days of birth the baby learns how to feel, to love, to trust. The child learns the example of parents to build further relationships, perceive the good, to experience crises (Pickhardt, 2011). Therefore, destruction of the family cannot help but affect the psychological state of the child and his future life. According to estimates of the children themselves, including life events that cause stress, parental divorce is on the 4th place after the death of his parents, brothers and sisters, close friends.
There are can be many reasons for divorce. Divorce affects all family members, but differently perceived by parents and children. For parents, the decision of any of their desperate situations, domestic issues, psychological incompatibility, and more. And for children - a wreck picture of the world, the loss of security and love (Pickhardt, 2011).
Children are always very keenly experiencing parental divorce. Many thus blame themselves. It is believed that they do something you did not do to keep in the family loved parent. They are afraid that the parent who left the family will no longer love them. Some are beginning to manipulate their parents, trying to get extra gifts or to avoid punishment for bad grades. Others fall ill more often, they appear irritability, tearfulness, resentment.
Studies show that during the first year after divorce, both boys and girls show more anxiety, restless, aggressive and unruly behavior in relationships with peers and adults compared with children from families no decomposed. According to some, the consequences of divorce have stronger effect on boys than on girls. Children also experienced parental divorce, and often even more acute than younger children. In children, a reaction to the divorce of parents can be in rebellion against the conventions, schools, against the parents (Matthews, 2016). Children often become unruly, aggressive, showing indecisiveness and anxiety, lose self-control, organize and stage tantrums, crying, insomnia, suicide attempts occur, or "leave" in constant contact with their peers. Children are afraid of changes in the strength of egocentric perception of the world that may occur in his personal life: the need to change the place of residence, school, social circle, possible changes in the financial position. Children may be ashamed of their family problems in front of their peers. They may feel anger and hostility to that of the parents, who are blamed for the divorce, or toward both. The child may blame the mother or father that they left the family, stating that he hates them, never forgive, and so on. Some children decide that the responsibility for separation of adults is on them, because they were supposed to prevent it, or that the father (mother) leaves because children do not meet their expectations (Matthews, 2016). The painful experiences of this kind a child can be carefully concealed. The child may be jealous, if the father or mother begins dating another man and emotionally tied to it, then the child feels abandoned, afraid that he was no longer interested parent, and its place in the parental heart will employ stranger.
In most cases, after the divorce, children spoil a relationship with one of the parents. About a year after his parents' divorce all problems are smoothed out, and the emotional state of the child begins to recover. This is possible only under the condition that the child feels the love of parents, their importance, he has a sense of security, safety and the realization that he is not alone.
According to the results of the American study based on data from "National studies of children," the divorce of parents affects their children's social adaptation: taking into account all demographic, psychological and economic circumstances of the children of divorced parents are twice as likely to face problems as children undiluted (Matthews, 2016).
Divorce of parents can have an effect on the future behavior of the child in his own family. Children whose parents are divorced, then divorced themselves are more likely than those who lived in the strong family that can be attributed to the formation of a more tolerant attitude to divorce, they may have a reduced sense of responsibility with respect to marital responsibilities. In addition, children who grew up in divorced families often marry earlier than their peers from strong families, moved by the desire to compensate for a lack of emotional warmth, leave the parental home, or find a way their independence. But such early marriages often break. Divorce of parents can affect the formation of the system of value orientations of children. For example, studies have shown that the hierarchy of life values of 18-19-year-old students from divorced families had signs of compensatory: there was a greater preference for emotional closeness values of love, happy family life compared to students from two-parent families where the most important value, along with the above, was "the maximum use of its features, capabilities, that is, the value of self-development, self-realization. However, several studies have shown that is important not the mere fact of divorce, and the nature of the emerging family relationships. Thus, the observation of children by the end of the second year after the divorce, testified that the behavior of the boys from broken homes less aggressive than children whose parents are constantly clashed and quarreled.
Long-term effects of divorce depend on the age at which a child experienced a parental divorce, remarriage, as the evolved relationship whether imprisoned in a new family, and so on. According to some researchers, the consequences of divorce can affect the child for a long time, appearing even in the early years of his adult life and in their own family life.
The success of the adaptation of the child after his parents' divorce depends on the interaction of many factors. According to Dr. Savitri Dixon-Saxon, who is an associate dean of the School of Counseling and Social Service at Walden University a divorced parent are usually asked the following questions: a) what was the atmosphere inside the family before divorce; b) what was the nature of divorce; c) what the degree of parent adaptation to the fact of divorce; d) what are the current relations between parents; e) how the meetings with the kid are managed. Dr. Dixon-Saxon has been working as a family psychologist for a long time and truly she has an idea what are the question to ask and she always works with the children, whose parents are divorced.
Family atmosphere before the divorce. If divorce ends a long period of strife, heavy experiences, it may have even a positive effect. Some of the children indicated that suffered divorce easier than its predecessors conflicts as to divorce were afraid of physical violence, parental ashamed scandals experienced due to alternate quarrels and reconciliations parents. In such circumstances diluted perceived relief (Fiedler, 2012).
The nature of the divorce. Most adverse impact on children has a divorce in the form of "fighting", including mutual accusations of spouses, especially if parents engage in their struggle children, forcing them to take someone's side. Children often suffer from this situation and do not want to choose between parents. Divorce in the form of relatively calm, without being recriminations reduces the risk of suffering of a child, if the parents are able to explain to the child that they are bred with each other, but not with the kids and still remain for their loving and loved ones (Fiedler, 2012).
The degree of adaptation to the fact of the parents’ divorce. Ability to divorced spouses to adapt to the new situation has a decisive influence on the adaptation of the child, and vice versa, the more anxiety parents experience, the more seriously disturbed peace of mind their children. After her divorce from ex-spouses there are many problems: loneliness, change in usual circle of friends, reduction of material wealth, often to the mother (Fiedler, 2012).
Relations between the former spouses. The least traumatic types of relationships between divorced parents for the child are "excellent comrades" and "collaborating colleagues." Pairs are able to interact quite well in regard to children. "Angry allies" are forced to communicate in case of building plans for their children, but are not able to suppress the anger, feel tense and even hostile. Continued contacts between the former spouses - "bitter enemies" - can cause excruciating pain, and both the most negative effect on children.
The ability to meet with the child after a divorce. If, after divorce or the father are able to meet freely with their children, the negative effects are minimized (assuming a favorable effect on children). The situation becomes more complicated if the remaining parent prohibits positive feelings toward the departed when his love is forbidden, even talk about it or even thoughts, considering it a betrayal of them (Fiedler, 2012).
It is very important to help the child accept the situation for what it is, that it has ceased to reproach themselves parents. It is very important that the child knew that Mom and Dad still love him, even if one of them is not always nearby, but he or she always remain a support for the kid. During a divorce it is important to make it clear to your child that neither of his parents had sold and did not give up. It is especially important not to manipulate children at a time when they have to make a choice of the parents to stay live. Even adults can be difficult to make such a choice.
There is no need to involve children into the scandals. Do not discuss the relationship in the presence of a child. Parents often involve a son or daughter in the conflict, forced to take one side or another. This can cause serious problems - the loss of confidence in the parents to unexpected aggression. No need to adjust the child against the deceased parent. Charges deceased parent may cause additional distress. It is not necessary to inspire a child that his father is bad, and vice versa.
References
Fiedler, C. (2012). Divorce and the Single Parent: An Interview with Savitri Dixon-Saxon.The Mother Company. Retrieved from http://www.themotherco.com/2012/08/divorce-and-the-single-parent/
Matthews, W. (2016). Long-term Effects of Divorce on Children. North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service. Retrieved from https://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs482.pdf
Pickhardt, C. (2011). The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents.Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201112/the-impact-divorce-young-children-and-adolescents
