Introduction
In the film Forgiveness: A Time to Love & a Time to Hate, there are three scenes in Act II which brings about the concept of forgiveness and the power it has on everyone. The first scene is when the mother left her husband and kids and started to focus on herself. The handling of the responsibility of raising her kids caused a strain in her to the point where she would get sick and have anxiety attacks. This led to her being suicidal because she couldn’t bear the weight of burden of being a conscientious wife and mother. The next scene is how the father had coped with the situation. Knowing what the mother wants and how important it was her, it was easy for him to accept how everything had turned out. The last scene would be the children’s reaction to their mother‘s abandonment. It showed how important it is for family to have a maternal influence and also the forgiveness that a child can give to the parent’s shortcomings.
Issue discussion
Forgiveness on one’s self is important. In order for that facilitate one must accept its own shortcomings. This is exactly what the mother did. She accepted her own mistakes as a mother and as a wife. Her road to forgiving herself does not end with her acceptance but also in changing and doing something about her errors. She started to be the person that she is. When she left her family, she went back to school, started to build herself and tried to live a life that she thought would help her. This may seem wrong for a lot of people but for the mother to make the bold decision is commendable. She is committing a very grave sin on herself if she allowed herself to live a miserable life. She probably thought that if she commits suicide she won’t be a good mother to her kids not only because she’s dead but also her kids will eventually feel responsible for her taking her own life. In a way, she’s trying to be a good mother to them by becoming a good person to herself. Allowing her to be the person that she is will allow her to be the good mother that she could be her children. This shows that her search forgiveness started on her repentance of her actions.
The father’s reaction showed the level of understanding he has. He was open to the idea of forgiving his wife because he knew that this was the right thing both for him and for their children. He knew that this was what his wife wanted and he allowed her to do what she needed to do. His openness to forgive her, showed how much he understood what was needed in that situation and it also showed that his primary concern is his children. The father knew that his wife still has empathy for them and even though what she did to them was brutal, he was still willing to forgive her (Gobodo-Madikizela 13).
The children who were understandably upset still can’t forgive their mother for leaving them. To them, the presence of a maternal unit was so important that they felt that it was a grave mistake that their mother had left them. It even got to the point where the daughter felt hat she should take her own life because they were not reason enough for their mother to stay. They feel that their mother does not believe in the family structure and the importance of their own family (Moucarry 291).
Abandonment and forgiveness is always hard for both parties. For those who left, it is always about accepting the fact that they’ve left people behind. No matter what the reason is, even if it’s justifiable, they would still be held accountable and would still be viewed as the villain. The people who were left behind suffer greatly every time someone leaves them. They start to question themselves on what they have done wrong or if they did enough to make the person want to stay. Regardless of the reason why, they always feel that it’s their fault that people leave. Forgiveness is a hard thing to ask and a hard thing to give (Eckardt 229). Asking it requires on to fully accept the blame in the situation. Swallowing their pride and receiving all the hurt because they are the one who caused the pain. Asking for forgiveness is like asking to be shot and then be embraced as they lay dying.
It asks for total and complete surrender of the situation. It makes one think of all the things that they have done and why they are receiving all the negativity. Asking for forgiveness allows the people involve talking through their mistakes. It makes them communicate with one another. It makes them listen to one another. Giving the forgiveness gives the power to whoever was wronged. It validates their feelings of hurt and betrayal. It also makes them relive the past hurt that the wrongdoer has done to them. Forgiveness to them is the key in which they don’t have a choice but turn to open the painful feelings that they have experienced. Experiencing it all over again is something that they don’t want to happen again. In the case of the children, they had a hard time forgiving their mother because they felt that whatever reason their mother has for leaving them wasn’t a valid one. They believe that they are reasons enough for her to stay even at the risk of her own emotional and psychological health (Miering 332). For them to be able to give forgiveness, they have to feel the sincerity and a certain amount of guilt from the other person.
Conclusion
“Much living, as we all learn is about dealing with pain caused by others, about accepting the pain or getting past it, about reconciling with it or trying to move beyond the reach of those who caused it.” (Cose 2). People in this world will continue to hurt one another, deliberately or not. But what’s important is that people continue to ask for forgiveness. And that people in return and ready and willing to forgive. It is not easy. It will never be an easy thing to do. But the act itself of asking forgiveness and accepting the apology is something that society must continue to practice and teach the next generation in order to evolve into better people.
Works Cited
Gobodo-Madikizela, Pumla. A Human Being Died That Night: A South African Story of Forgiveness. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2003. Print.
Moucarry, C G. The Search for Forgiveness: Pardon and Punishment in Islam and Christianity. Leicester: Inter-Varsity Press, 2004. Print.
Eckardt, Alice L. Dilemma of Forgiveness. Bethelehem, PA N.p., 2000. Print.
Cose, Ellis. Bone to Pick: Of Forgiveness, Reconciliation, Reparation, and Revenge. New York: Atria Books, 2004. Print.
Villa-Vicencio, Charles, and Wilhelm Verwoerd. Looking Back, Reaching Forward: Reflections on the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of South Africa. Cape Town: University of Cape Town Press, 2000. Print.
