We face with problems in conversation every day. Either we serve wrongly the information, or other person is not able to decode it correctly. Recently, by facing with the problem of communication, I have concluded that the quality of the communication process depends in many ways on understanding the specifics of communication, and especially an understanding of the impact of relational environment. These two principles are inseparable. The result of the communication process depends on understanding the specifics of interpersonal communications. An example was my unsuccessful attempt to communicate with a Muslim girl. From my own experience I can say, that the fact that I did not take into account the specific features of the culture of that girl have made our conversation failed. For a full and productive communication one must take into account all the factors and all the nuances of the personality of your interlocutor.
The situation occurred in college. Me and my younger sister, we go to the same college. This year, appeared a new student in her class, a girl who moved with her parents to our town. I knew all my sister’s friends, as she often invited them to our home, but I haven’t noticed before this Muslim girl. The first time I saw her was when she came home with my sister. She was dressed in a weird way, but, nevertheless, it suited her. It was quite hot, my sister was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, while the girl was wrapped up from head to toe, she wore a long skirt, a blouse with long sleeves and a scarf that covered her hair. I come over to say hello, embraced my sister and wanted to shake girl’s hands in greeting, to which she responded by ignoring. Then played a joke about her clothes and a scarf, but she did not react. The next time I met her at our house. I had to give my sister some money, so I went to her room. My sister had just gone to the restroom, and when the girl saw me she began to scream and pushed me out of the room. She was beautiful, I liked her, but I could not make out what was the problem and why she was reacting so strange to me. At college, I decided to find her and apologize for what happened, but as soon as I approached her and spoke to her, she lowered her eyes and silently walked away. The next time I met her in the college cafeteria, she was sitting alone, so I sat down next to her. When I did, she moved over to another table. I followed her, but she did not stop, then I grabbed her arm, she screamed and pushed me away. I told her that I like her, and I would like to ask her out on a date, but she turned me down, saying that it was impossible. Later, I found out that this girl was from a very strict devout Muslim family. After the death of her father, her family moved to live with her uncle.
All my attempts to make contact was a failure, because I did not consider relational environment. After analyzing my behavior, now I understand where I made a mistake. First of all, I didn’t take into account the cultural specificities of the country of the girl and religious backgrounds of her faith. The first time I saw her, I made a joke about her clothes, not knowing that their faith command the Muslim women to cover their bodies and hair up. I had offended by scoffing at her customs, without even realizing it. I wanted to shake hands, not knowing that their culture did not allow women to communicate with a man, furthermore, to touch him. The next time I made a mistake was while entering my sister’s room. In Muslim culture, it is unaccepted for women to remain alone with a strange man, especially when her head is not covered (when I came in, the girl was without a headscarf). When I met her at the college to apologize, I stared at her, but she looked away. I violated the customary foundations of this girl, by showing myself as a rough man, as it was forbidden. When I sat down beside her in the cafeteria, I invaded her intimate space, without realizing that this pushed the girl away. Then, when I went to her and grabbed her arm, which further aggravated the situation. Not only Muslim culture, but other cultures do not allow a strange man to touch a woman or girl. When I asked this girl out on a date, I did not realize that in their culture does not exist such thing, so I have not correctly interpreted her refusal.
After analyzing all this, we can draw the following conclusions. Information (encoded), which I was trying to convey was wrongly interpreted. The reason was that I did not take into account the history of sexual, cultural, religious and personal characteristics of the individual of this girl. My good attitude and intentions, found no response, because they were taken for bad intentions and ill-treatment. The channel through which I passed my information did not match the one that used the girl to decode it. Therefore, my joke at the beginning, she took for the offense and rudeness. I neglected the principle of consistency, so my message was taken for inconsistent. Also, I did not take into account my responsibility of our communication. I thought, the problem was with the girl, but not with my approach to her. Besides, I was not reflective about girl’s motives. Because of a strong shock, her father’s death and moving, she could not assimilate to a new town, the state of her health deteriorated and she had constant migraine so she became more irritable, which I also did not realize by simply not knowing this information. While communicating with the girl, I have been guided by my own principles, not hers. I follow the principle of self-fulfillment, I only focused only on myself and my thoughts, feelings and desires. My actions were also guided with the messages of mass media, where the image of Muslim girl was an image of the independent woman, without any restrictions. The image of the Muslim in TV and movies was also negative, which influenced my unconsious attitude towards the girl. All of these items are contrary to the generally accepted ways of communication in the community of this girl. Muslim women are prohibited from all sorts of visual and tactile contact with unfamiliar men (sometimes even with familiar), they should always guard a personal space. Moreover, the Muslim woman should not be left alone with a man, it is considered unacceptable. (Boundless, 2016).
After some time, we had a conversation, me, my sister and that girl. All was figured out and our relationship with girl became better. Little by little, we became friends with the girl, to the extent possible, that allows her culture and religion. At present, I have many Muslim friends, and friends of other religions, who taught me the customs of communication of their culture, and I share with them my culture legacy.
This example served as a good lesson for me. Now, when I meet someone and want to know a person better, I consider all the features of his personality. I respect people’s beliefs, even if they are alien to me and try better to figure out a person, for our communication become enjoyable for both sides.
References
Boundless (2016). “Noise as a Barrier to Communication”. Boundless.com. Retrieved 21 February from https://www.boundless.com/management/textbooks/boundless-management-textbook/communication-11/barriers-to-effective-communication-84/noise-as-a-barrier-to-communication-405-1507/
