Reflective Journal III
Chapter I How Far Can You Go with Self-therapy
Having an actual therapist is better than attempting to treat you. Some people believe that all they have to do is read a book and apply self-therapy. When we attempt to do this we don’t know if we are really getting the message. We think we are getting it, but there is no way to determine if the message we are getting is the message the author intended for us to get. A therapist will actually be on the outside looking in so they can see more. As with any coach, a therapist is there to see our strong point as well as our weak points and help us to improve. They have specialized training. Also in therapy, if we are a little off on how we were supposed to change, the therapist could just give us a little tweaking.
Let me just use the example of football and compare learning from a book to actual coaching. If we were attempting to play football and we began to read all the books on techniques and strategies, we would probably be better, but if we had the benefit of a coach like Bob Stoops, it goes to reason we would learn more about the game. Even though we may get to be an expert on techniques, a coach could see the little things we were doing wrong. They could see the things that we did not realize we were doing wrong. They could see the things that what we need to work on and point that out to us.
Reading a book is great and is the next best thing to actually having an expert on hand. I often kid my buddies that I had the opportunity to spend a few hours with John Maxwell today. What I meant by that is that I listen to his audible book while I was driving. When we really think about it, we have the opportunity to get into the mind of some of the most successful people in history by either reading or listening to their thoughts. However there is no substitute to actually having a conversation with the experts. The experts can explain additional things and maybe even why we should do things a little different. .There is no way I can pick the brains of some of the most successful people in the world, but I can read some of their writings, or listen to an audible book while driving. The one thing I cannot do when reading a book is ask them to expand on that idea or how I was doing in a certain area—same as a therapist. They can see objectively what we are doing right and what we need to work on.
Chapter V Thinking Yourself Out Of Emotional Disturbances
Outside events have little to do with our feelings. Our feelings have more to do with how we personally perceive the events. I want to use a little story to illustrate. A man is excited about today. It is his anniversary. His wife told him when he gets home she would have a special dinner for him. He can hardly wait to get off work. He starts home and it is raining cats and dogs, he thinks that this is no big deal, and that this will make me a little late but it will be ok. He runs into heavy traffic and this makes him even later. He is a little perturbed but it’s still ok. He has a flat and has to get out in the rain. Now he is really late, and wet. He jacks up the car, takes the flat tire off only to find the spare tire flat as well. Now he is irate. He believes his whole night is ruined. He is so mad he could hardly think straight. He has to call a tire company to bring him a new tire. He is infuriated. His whole night basically got ruined. Now the guy who owned the tire company is grateful. You see he needed to sell a tire that day in order to feed his family. He thinks that it was a miracle. His family now gets to eat; same situation, same rain, with two different perspectives.
Chapter VI Recognizing and Reducing Neurotic Behavior
Most of my life’s self-limiting beliefs stood in my way of success. Henry ford once said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” I would have to say that healthy thinking is not only the key to healthy emoting, but the key to happiness. I used to think that whenever anything negative happen to me that somebody had an agenda against me. They were either jealous of me or just didn’t like me for some reason, so they were trying to make my life intolerable. With that kind of reasoning it was hard for me to look at my actions objectively and improve. Additionally since I thought they were out to get me I would often do something in retaliation which would put me in more hot water. Before I knew it, what started out a simple act would get blown out of proportion.
I believe Ellis and Harpers’ claim that they can teach us to never feel desperately unhappy is for the most part true. They contend that we should look at whatever thing that happens to us as bad, it could be worse. That is in line with my thinking. Whenever anything bad happens in my life, it usually takes me about a day depending on how bad it is before I make a grateful list. As an example I returned from vacation in the middle of summer to find out my air conditioner was broke. I called a repairman and he told me it I needed a new unit and it would cost $8,000.00. I ordered a new one and spent the next few hours unhappy about the situation. I then made out our grateful list. Only a few years before I would not have had the money to get a new air conditioner, and I probably could not have even gotten a loan. I was grateful I had the money to fix the problem. A few days later I get some news from my CPA that there had been a mistake and I owed $40,000.00. I was steaming mad and felt like “why does it have to be me all the time”. This feeling lasted about a day. I made a gratitude list and realized I could make the monthly payments, and was grateful that I now paid more in taxes then I used to make only a few short years before.
I believe Ellis and Harper hit the nail on the head when they stated that whatever the situation just say “I don’t like this situation, now let me see what I can do about it.” You cannot change the past all you can do is attempt to change the future. Whatever the situation, access it, accept it, and get on with your life.
Online readings
This paper is written by Maj. Thomas Jarrett. It is about the effects of combat and warrior resilience training. There is statistical information that says that 17% of surveyed soldiers who saw medium combat reported problems related to PTSD. 30% of soldiers who saw heavy combat reported the same problems. I have served two deployments and one of which saw heavy combat. I can tell you personally that the numbers are higher than that. The question is why do soldiers do not report what is wrong? Number one, the military is made up of mostly young tough minded soldiers. It is viewed as being weak if you report anything. Even after being told you are not weak, soldiers laugh at anybody who repots any kind of stress. They say either he is weak or a coward. Additionally, when we all get home we are kept from our family until we see all the doctors. All the soldiers know the routine. You have not seen your family in a year, if you want to see them now you must say nothing is wrong, no pains, no nightmares, no stress, everything is good. I can tell you first hand that the tests that are administered are just composed of check boxes. Nobody wants to be perceived as weak. It is just the culture that has been created. Think about it. We are asking these young men to go out put their life on the line, be responsible for their buddy’s life, and also kill another human being. In order to do that, I had to reinvent myself. I could not let things bother me. Mission first even if it cost me one of my men. The warrior resilience training is a good training tool and I am sure it helped some, but we need to find a better way. Give the soldiers some time with their family. Enforce mandatory counseling for any soldiers who saw medium to heavy combat. That would be expensive on the front end but I believe it would take better care of our young soldiers who are protecting our way of life, and it would even save money on the back end. There would be fewer problems with soldiers reintegrating back into society.
References
Jarrett, Thomas. (2008). The Army Medical Journal. Retrieved October 20, 2014
Ellis, Albert., Harper, Robert. (1997). GuideTo Rational Living: Melvin Powers
WilshireBook Company. Chatsworth, CA (New York, NY): Bantam Dell.
