Everyone who as ever interacted with their grandmother will truly say that grandmothers are the best caregivers. They spoil children and adults alike and they provide emotional, financial and maternal comfort to these grandchildren. Almost every child looks forward to birthdays and Christmas as there is the guarantee that grandmothers will provide that additional cash or buy the ideal gift that parents would never buy. The role of grandmothers is an important one as grandmothers provide the rich traditional love and attention that children and even adults crave. These grandmothers are the key to the past as they are able to share oral traditions in ways that no recorded literature could rival. Grandmothers take on the role of caregivers despite their personal challenges and parents often assume that these grandmothers are willing to undergo the challenges of taking care of grandchildren because of their love for their family and not so much the traditional expectations. In essence, grandmothers will assume the role of caregivers to their children and grandchildren because of love and responsibility and will offer long term and short term provisions for their families despite the personal challenges that they may face.
While some grandmothers will embrace the opportunity to be the family caregiver, there are still those who are unwilling to accept the task of caregiver, but do so out of loyalty. Meyers suggests that “Grandmothering in the US is driven both by a joyful desire to be with the grandchildren and a sense of responsibility to assist with the unmet needs of the younger generation” (18). In contrast, Cotterill notes that the role of grandmothers is different as grandmothers, and in particular maternal grandmothers may not enjoy the role that they are asked to play as caregivers and “may be no more willingbut feel compelled to accept forms of responsibility they would prefer not to have” (7). There are those grandmothers who feel a sense of responsibility as they are pressured into becoming caregivers as their children face financial, social and emotional challenges. The social expectations and the cultural forces combine and often play an integral role in the choices that grandmothers make in becoming caregivers for their children and grandchildren. But, despite the factors that may arise, grandmothers will care for their children because of the joy that they feel towards their family.
Grandmothers are often at a crucial stage of the life cycle where many of them are left feeling unwanted and unloved. They have given years of endless love as they shouldered their responsibilities in the family life cycle. Having done their jobs raising their children, many grandmothers welcome the opportunity to continue the family life cycle even as they continue to enjoy the responsibility of carrying on their structural, cultural and social context of their life course. They serve as the primary kin in many homes because of the respect of their children. As such, grandmothers sometimes forget their roles as the secondary kin in their grandchildren’s life and must learn to contend with not being the primary caregiver in the lives of many of their grandchildren. But despite the reversal of these roles, grandmothers continue to enjoy the feeling of being needed by their grandchildren.
Primary kin relationships include the various obligations that are understood because of the factors of reciprocity and altruism. Cotterill suggests that that there is a clear distinction between ‘balanced’ and ‘generalized’ reciprocity in understanding the role of grandmothers as caregivers (Cotterill 2). A ‘balanced’ reciprocity requires that there is fairly similar and immediate return. In contrast, ‘generalized’ reciprocity reflects long periods that demands obligation to return, although not eliminated, but instead reduced. Grandmothers who provide long-term, regular childcare support present a one-way exchange of service for her daughter - in-law who is the primary beneficiary. Parents who engage grandmothers in care giving exercises are indebted to these grandmothers, but reciprocal transactions in the family over extended periods will influence the future expectations and be reciprocated in the future. In other words, the mother-in-law offers support to her daughter-in-law often expects that as she moves along in her life course, she will be satisfied knowing that she can expected benefits from her daughter-in-law for the services that she provided as the caregiver to her grandchildren. For the average person, such expectations are reflect a high level of compulsory altruism, but to the grandmother the expectation is merely an assurance that she will always be a part of the family life cycle.
Pamela Cotterill argues that women who are a part of the emerging independent class of women are dependent on to the grandmothers as an important factor in the care of children Cotterill 1) because they are aware that grandmothers care for their grandchildren because they feel responsible for helping to shape the lives of their grandchildren. Additionally, there have been numerous studies on the need for grandmothers in the lives of women who have dependent children. These grandmothers often assume the care of the children. Interestingly, most of these grandmothers are maternal grandmothers, but a smaller number of these women are paternal grandmothers. Conversely maternal grandmothers are more commonly caregivers because of the relationship that they share with their daughters and the responsibility they feel to protect daughters even as adults.
There is a close connection in the maternal relationship between those women who are closely related by marriage (affinal). Affinal women form relationships that are strong because of the decisive transitions in life, divorce, the birth of a child, becoming a widow, remarriage among other factors that helps to shape the views of relationships. These bonds also help to determine the level of obligation and responsibility that these grandmothers feel based on kinship and the bond of primary kinship. The need to instill normative rules often stem from primary kin and this helps to define the appropriate behavior and aid to the family. Kathleen S. Bahr suggests that the bond of kinship is most important to the care of families and the role that grandmothers provide in Apache families (1). In contrast, the Western society has grandmothers who base care giving on love and responsibility.
Grandmothers provide an excellent source of minimizing the cost of care giving and help to save the families from additional financial burdens and suggest that women are willing to give up their personal interests in order to support each other. Arguably, this shows that compulsory altruism helps to define the reason grandmothers choose to become caregivers. In addition, the normative rules of the family impact the stages of the life course and shapes the boundaries of within primary kin relationships. Despite the challenges, many American women turn to grandmothers to offer care for their children as they attempt to balance full-time employment and motherhood.
Madonna Harrington Meyer reiterates the views that “socio-demographic trends contribute to reliance on grandmothers” (Meyers 1) because of the increase in the number of single parent families. The author further points to the statistical data from the United States Bureau in 2008 that reveals that there has been a decline in the number of women who have remained married (2) and an increase in the number of births per women over the years. With the increase in these figures, there is no doubt that there will be an increase in the number of grandmothers who now have to assume the role of caregivers because their daughters are unable to afford child care services or those who may be more comfortable with services from their kin.
Sequential grandmothers are willing to provide care on the arrival of each grandchild. Then, there are the intensive grandmothers who perform almost every role of the mothers as they bathe, feed, help their grandchildren with their schoolwork and even put them to bed. Nonetheless, paternal grandmothers provide short – term provisional services as caregivers, but they really believe that any extended period of care giving will impinge on their lives because they believe that parents should maintain their roles as the primary caregiver in their children’s lives. In contrast, long – term care provisions from parents who have careers, are single, or who cannot afford expensive care giving services. In essence, grandmothers help to reduce the cost of child care for their children and their job is more convenient and even cheaper than the child care services and prolongs the family – life cycle.
The experiences and the reality of seeing their children succumbing to their financial distress often force these grandmothers to act on their maternal instincts and fill the roles of caregivers. In most instances, grandmothers believe that they are still responsible for the care and protection of their children. This responsibility follows through to their grandchildren and grandmothers will assume the responsibility of their grandchildren because of the genuine love and concern that they have for their children and grandchildren. The reality is that grandmothers have much experience in child care and parents are more willing to enlist the help of persons with whom they share a bond and persons who they believe are responsible because of their personal experiences with their mothers or mothers – in – law. Grandmothers understand the need and desires of their children and will be more mindful of their roles and responsibilities because of their love for their family and not just because the culture dictates this position.
In concluding, grandmothers assume the role of caregiver for different reasons. Some grandmothers are influenced by the traditional values and culture of their society and see their role as caregiver as the most important task in their older years. They see the process as one that is bound by the principles of kinship as their children play integral roles in their lives even though they are adults. On the other hand, there are those grandmothers who assume the role of grandmothers because they are forced into taking on the role as grandmothers and they are paid for the services that they offer. Many parents appreciate the assistance they receive from their grandmothers, but often find it hard to make the grandmothers aware of the lines and the boundaries in caring for their grandchildren. But, despite the challenges that many of these parents face with their parents as caregivers, there is no doubt that grandparents are instrumental in helping working class women and even those who do not work to relieve the burden of caring for their children.
Works cited
Cottrell, Pamela, ‘But for freedom, you see, not to be a babyminder’: Women’s Attitudes
towards Grandmother Care
Bahr, Kathleen, “The Strengths of Apache Grandmothers: Observations on Commitment,
Culture and Caretaking”
Meyer, Madonna Harrington, “Grandmothers juggling work and grandchildren in the United
States”
