A discussion of story of job and Kubler’s grieving stages
Abstract
Loss is inevitable. Every life is faced with several losses from losing jobs and money to losing our loved ones. Though some losses are irreversible and the trauma might extend for longer period of time as compared to other losses that can be replaced with other options. Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced a theory of some stages of grief that a person goes through. The modern theology and spiritual healthcare recognizes her school of thought for counselling and comforting a grieving person.
The following essay discusses the theory presented by Dr Ross and compares this theory with the story of Job from bible who lost too much in his life and how he reacted during his mourning period.
Dr Kubler Ross’s 5 Stages Of Grieve
Dr Kubler theory states that the grieving process of any person transitions within 5 distinct stages defined as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. She further states that these stages and their order might be different for individuals based on their personality or background etc and some might even surpass one or two stages but a care giver can comfort a grieving person by implementing their strategy according to these stages.
Denial:
Initially when a person is struck by a severe loss they get into a state of denial, by avoiding other people or restricting their feelings.
Anger:
The realization of the situation arises anger and agony in a person’s behaviour. They might act indifferent towards others even the close family or partners.
Bargaining:
Often people blame all the loss upon them or their doings. Therefore at stage 3 people make promises to God for changing their personality or behaviour in order to revert the loss.
Depression:
Depression is the 4th stage of grieving and usually results when a person realizes what have they lost and that it might not be revertible. Depression might extend over a longer period of time depending upon the loss and the will power of a person.
Acceptance:
A person might accept that their life has changed and that they need to coup with their loss and have to move ahead. People need more support and encouragement at this stage as they are still vulnerable.
The Story Of Job(From Bible)
The story of Job in Bible is narrated as an example of patience and belief. Job who was a rich and happy man and had all the blessings of a contend life. His situation is described in Job 1:2-3 as under: “He had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East.”
In verses 1:8-12, Satan argued with God that Job was only appreciative of God because he had all the blessing, had he any misery he would curse and engage in wrong doings. God allows Satan to test Job by taking away all his blessings but not taking his life as Job was among the favourites.
Thus Job loses all his wealth, flock and his children all in sudden episodes. However, the verses 1:20-22 reveal that Job still hold on to his faith and said that all he had was from God and he took it back. He didn’t cursed God rather act submissive to his decisions.
Here it is apparent that though Job was devastated by the news of his loss but he didn’t go into denial of the circumstances rather he portrayed his strong faith by directing all the decision towards God.
Later verses state that his wife and his friends all encouraged him to curse or argue with God.. Job also did not put blame for his adversaries on anyone except lord’s will and therefore he was not angry or hostile towards himself or toward others close to him. He stayed quiet when his friends came visiting him to console and comfort. He beats the stage 2 of the grieving process by not being angry at God, not questioning the God why was he selected for the test rather he prayed and blessed the name of lord
In the verses Job 22:5-10, his friends suggested that his situation might be a consequence of his own wrong doings and he is wrong in believing that he was a righteous man instead he has been mean and selfish towards other and that is why God has punished him. Unlike any commonly grieving person who would be agitated on these remarks Job stayed calm and quiet. These accusations discouraged him and he begins to question Lord, this can be the stage 3 of grieving process where Job blames himself and the God for the situation and wants a reason for his circumstances. He is so depressed that he does not want to alive and nor his thankful for it. His self pity and depressions grows so much due to the advices from his friends that finally God talks to him be describing the extent of knowledge and power the lord has in comparison to a person. The description of the Lord’s knowledge brings realization for Job who understands and accepts how little he or any other human might know in comparison to God, he accepts that God does not pressurize innocent unjustifiably rather he tests his faithful and rewards accordingly. God liked Job’s acceptance and later rewarded him with all that he had lost because he kept his faith strong.
The story of Yunus (or Jonah in bible) prophet of Islam can be compared to the story of Job according to the stages of grieving. Yunus was sent to lead the people of Nineveh to stop worshipping idols and turn to the almighty. However after several years of efforts the people did not follow him. He lost hope in the people and felt discouraged due to continual losing in his mission. He stopped them in every way and scared them of the Almighty’s punishment but they ignored him. Out of despair he told them to face the consequences and left the town arguing lord for the bitter situation and that the lord should have punished these people severely.
At this point the story portrays two stages of grief, the denial and the anger. Yunus was in denial of the situation that he failed in making them leave the wrong doings and was angry at the lord for not punishing these people early.
Yunus left them and boarded a ship which was struck by a storm. In order to please the God of seas (old mythology) they had to throw someone into the seas and Yunus was chosen for that and was swallowed by a huge whale. Yunus had abandoned the mission without the lord’s consent and was in greater depression when he realized that God has chosen him to be thrown into the sea. He realized that it was his fault and god was not happy with him. He stayed for a long period of time within the whale’s stomach and kept praying and asking for forgiveness from the lord. His repentance was accepted by God and the whale threw him out on the shore. The story shows that when he realized his mistake of arguing with God he quickly reverted towards faith and kept praying. He lost the track of faith for a while but soon realized that the lord knew much better than he did and soon he also found out that his wish for turning his people towards the righteous way was also granted to him.
Relationship Of Joy with stages of grieving
Sudden or immense losses often leave people into believing that their world has ended. It is important for a care take or spiritual healer to talk and listen to the mourner as closely as possible. Even in the stages where people avoid talking about their loss sometimes bringing in the joy of past memories might help them to overcome their despair and anger. The feeling of joy and happy memories can be helpful in triggering positive energy into the mourner and might be helpful in assisting them out of the depression. Brining joy to these people in some form can somehow be better for them to try to step out of their grieving and look ahead by accepting the reality. The caregivers need to repeatedly make them realize that they have to be thankful to the lord for so much and should count the blessings they already have instead of arguing or bargaining with the lord for their loss when in fact we know too less about the life as compared to him. People mourning for their loved ones usually believe that getting out of grieving means forgetting their loved ones however, in reality it means to feel the happiness and bonding. Similarly the care givers and the family or supporters need to understand that pressurizing someone in despair might invoke depression and despair in them instead sharing memories, photos, dreams and the changed life might help them to come out of their feeling of loss easily. Happiness and sorrow both mark our lives and one needs to be grateful for both. In each situation the other feeling is always there such as once losing a parent, a child would always miss them at every milestone thus the feelings are intermingled a feeling of missing a loved one along with the feeling of accomplishment.
Conclusion
Grief like happiness is a natural process, several studies suggest different approaches to healing and to define the grieving process for better healing. However, the healing process has to be enabled from within a person. A mourning person’s will power and faith is what end a grieving process. Just as depicted by the examples of stories from bible or other religions, people who have stronger believes find it easy to come out of their grieving. Often people stay in anger and frustration for years due to a loss to them that in uncontrollable by anyone. Thus blaming, frustration or negativity in thinking and behaviour all represent weak faith in the lord.
Bibliography
Berns, N. (2012, April). We Can Carry Grief and Joy Together. Retrieved from Psychology today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-grieve/201204/we-can-carry-grief-and-joy-together
Islamawareness. (n.d.). Story of Prophet Yunus/Jonah (pbuh). Retrieved from http://www.islamawareness.net/Prophets/yunus.html: http://www.islamawareness.net/Prophets/yunus.html
Robertson, B. (n.d.). The Five Stage Model of Grief. Retrieved from ShareFaith: http://www.sharefaith.com/guide/christian-ministries/five_stage_model.html
WELLMAN, J. (2011, December). Job Bible Story Summary with Lesson. Retrieved from What Christians Want To Know: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/job-bible-story-summary-with-lesson/
