Introduction
Getting a divorce is an unfortunate event that some families get to witness and it particularly upsets the children. As per a survey it was found that more than 25% of those children who have divorced parents have problems psychologically, emotionally, academically and socially as well. One of the most imperative concerns of divorce is that the children mostly reach a conclusion that their parents do not love them anymore. If one of the two parents move out of their houses then the children assume that it is because of them such an unfortunate event has taken place and thus behave in accordance to the situation. Most children have a sense of abandonment and betrayal from their parents as if their parents have divorced them as well in the series of events. If the children are not given reassurance then they may grow a fear of being abandoned as well. Sometimes the children may be very young to understand the implications of such a situation and they need the support and love from their parents so that they do not feel helpless and powerless.
The after effects of a divorce
Loyalty is also a conflicting point that comes into the scene especially if the divorce has been nasty and filled with conflict, the child may be under the pressure to choose a side. This option of choosing can prove to be a very traumatic experience for the child as they have immense love for both the parents and do not want to be torn apart for making a choice. Divorces are always bitter and are very traumatic for all those who are involved in it. Those divorces that are full of hatred, anger and resentment are the ones that can cause the most harm to the child. The children find themselves admit a battle between the parents and as per a research, such children tend to be delinquent (Goldstein 679-684). Children need to have a support system as they thrive on the stability that is only given to them by those who have raised them it gives them a sense of security and certainty. For instance when a young girl gets up in the morning she knows that when she goes down for breakfast she will find both her parents waiting for her at the table. This daily routine gives the girl a sense of certainty and security that both her parents are going to be there waiting for her when she gets up however this sense of stability is taken away when the parents decide to have a divorce. Whenever a divorce takes place the entire scenario changes, the girl on going down for breakfast could find either of the two parents waiting for her which will confuse her and force her out of her comfort zone. During such instances it is the children who tend to turn towards their items that give them maximum comfort. Like their favorite toy or blanket or perhaps anything that gives them a sense of stability
Age plays a pivotal role:
The age of the children also plays a pivotal role in how the child would react to his or her parents having a divorce. Infants could have trouble in sleeping as they may have a fear of being separated from their parents. Younger children who are in the state to understand what is happening around them may grieve at the events. Teenagers may show their powerlessness by choosing sides while the adolescents are the ones who act mostly strongly. They may become rebellious or may lash out and criticize the decision that has been taken by their parents.
Both the parents need to be prepared as to how their children are going to react to the news of the divorce. No case is similar; hence, we cannot have a set of reactions that will pertain to every situation. There is not much research that has been done on this topic as most of the studies are done on the aftermath of divorces. Most children suffer during this period of aftermath. Parents need to work with their children so that they can give reassurance to them.
People have been taking the entire process of getting married and divorced in a very light manner and often do not have a clue about the implications that it creates for their children. As per the oxford dictionary the term divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage. Some of the highest divorce rates are seen in Malaysia. In the United States of America there is a survey that states that more than 40% of the marriages end in a divorce. United Kingdom has the lowest divorce rate of just 10% per year.
It has been noticed that the school going children tend to be a victim of distress and depression (Hetherington 35-58). On the other hand children ranging from five to eight years of age tend to overcome the prevalent sorrow with the passage of time in hopes of their parents’ reconciliation (Wallerstein & Kelly).
The six phases of a divorce
Getting a divorce is a long procedure and has six phases. The first phase is called the emotional phase that includes having feeling of anger and negativity which take over the emotions of love. After this the divorce takes place legally thus stating that the couple are no longer together. This is followed by the economic divorce where the couple divides their assets that they have acquired during their marriage. This phase is followed by the co parental divorce phase where there is a fight for the custody of the child. The last phase id known as the Psychic divorce where the individual needs to adjust in his or her new surroundings, if a child is present it means that a child has to see his or her parents during all these phases.
Apart from all the effects that a divorce has on a child the standard of living of the child also tends to suffer as there is no longer a joint income to support the child. The single parent has to deal with expenses on their own. This is certainly not a simple task as raising children can be very demanding. The child will be forced to change the way her or she lived earlier this could mean having less access to comforts after the divorce in comparison to the life that the child lead when there was income from both the parents. Mostly mothers get the custody of the child and are looked as less capable people to earn like their spouses. When custody is provided to the opposite gender parents problems arise for the child, like for example a mother is given the custody of her son then her son will miss out on having a father figure or a male presence in the house to guide him on in life. Sometimes the parent may not be able to fulfill the demand of the child which could lead to self-esteem issues. As per a survey done it was found that children’s whose parents have undergone a divorce tend to have a lower achievement academically as well, they have a less salary job and could even end up getting a divorce later on in their lives as well.
Also children who have seen their parents get divorced may lose their faith in the entire constitution of a marriage. They may have doubts on the success of their wedding in the future. Those children whose parents have got a divorce that included conflict are affected mentally in a large manner. There is nothing like a good divorce or a bad divorce all divorces has an equal impact on the lives of the children.
During the course of a divorce the children go through a series of emotions. Those children who come from divorced families are more emotional in comparison to those children who come from intact families. Children may suffer in school as well, their grades could slip. The child can go through a wide range of emotions from anger to helplessness. He or she could find trouble in making new friends in a new environment. Sometimes if the children have been seeing their parents fight continuously they may heave a sigh of relief when their parents get divorces. If there is violence and physical abuse issues in the house then a divorce acts like a blessing for them as once a separation takes place they get a sense of safety and security. Constant bickering and fighting can cause immense distress to the child hence sometimes getting a divorce is the best solution. The effects of a divorce in the long run are something that cannot be denied as the child loses the parental touch. The children need to be kept away as much as possible so that it does not affect them to such a large extent.
Conclusion
Getting a divorce certainly has its own detrimental effects on the children’s mind and the after effects are usually long term. Those couples, who have children and are having trouble in their marriage, need to work on their issues so that they do not reach a stage of getting a divorce and they resolve their issues. In cases where getting a divorce is the only solution the parents should ensure that their child is kept out of the messy affair, the child should have a role model around him or her so that the child gets reassurance and love. Children need to be given all the love that they deserve despite a divorce so that they do not develop a feeling of being guilty that the divorce took place because of them. Hence, parents need to take time out that they should spend with the child. They could take part in fun activities which lightens the Childs mood. If the situation is beyond control then professional advice from a counselor or a psychologist should be taken so that the child can be guided in the right direction.
Works Cited
Goldstein, Herbert. Parental composition, supervision, and conduct problems in youths 12 to 17 years old. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, (1984): 23, 679-684.
Hetherington, Mavis. Children and divorce. In R. Henderson (Ed.), Parent-child interaction: Theory, research, and prospect, New York: Academic Press, (1981): pp. 35-58.
Wallerstein, Judith. & Kelly, Joan. Surviving the breakup. New York: Basic Books, (1980).
