“Meaning cannot be invented but must be discovered” is a mysterious viktor Frakl's lesson that I learned by experience. I was lying on my back on a squeaky make-shift bed late one morning high in the Yosemite Park smiling at the ceiling and thinking how my idea of a romantic vacation was washed away in a day. Neil had brought me camping and surprising enough, I enjoyed it a lot. As I reflected and wondered how my ideas of happy moments were far from the happiness and unexplained joy which I had at that moment, Neil was out fixing breakfast. I hurriedly dressed in his t-shirt and joined him. I practically never let him out of my sight. I found out that I enjoyed the moments I spent close to him so much that I felt I had been addicted to him. What I could not explain is the fact that up to until just the previous month (in all my adult years) I would have sworn I would never be in such a place with such a man! This was a level in love I had never experienced before. The more I let go of my negative notions on Asian men, the more I realized the desirable traits in Neil. I loved his smell; it made me smile uncontrollably (like I was aware of his presence), I loved his hairy Asian Skin-no doubt both of his parent were Asians; I often stared at him and wanted to touch him (though I felt I was over doing it-but still went ahead). There was a connection to my innermost personality that I felt and knew I could not control. It was this feeling that made fall madly in love with what I would never have been attracted to.
Every moment in ones life, Viktor Frankl explains, offers a sequence of unrepeatable situations each of which a specific meaning to be discovered and fulfilled. The consequences of my choice to love Neil can never be regrettable. However, it scares me to think that I only had this one opportunity to experience what I am now. What would happen had I messed this chance?
Most of my adult life, I had believed and lived a lie; my priorities were misplaced. Like most young American women, my definition of a perfect man for me was uninformed and pathetic! I was influenced by movie celebrities and their (short-lived) romantic ideas. I judged men by their size; I never gave a chance for short men to date me-they were a turn off. I believed they were the wrong kind of partner just by glancing at their physique. Most Asians were this type of people and consequently, I never gave it a thought. It was not until I was carried away by a firm, assertive and confident voice of an Asian man, that I was moved to give it a chance. Just by giving him a chance, I had broken all my dating rules. However, the thrill in the initial experience I had with Neil justified my ignoring of my own rules (which I had been faithful to for ages). Frankl points out that the more one forgets one self, the more human the person becomes. This, he goes on to prove, can be achieved by encountering someone or experiencing something-I was a victim of both. Self actualization is thereby achieved (as a side effect) and not attained as is the most common belief. My crave for a man who would take me shopping and a fine dinner was washed away in a day.
I could admit (only to myself) that I was changed. My perspective to life and especially my priorities in life were completely re-arranged. I stopped struggling to make things work and stopped competing with people. It is like I had achieved something I long needed and everyone else needed the space and time to achieve theirs. My arguments with colleagues in the office seemed so unnecessary as I would smile it away and let them win. It was soon evident to friends that my love for Neil had reformed me. Thought it created distance between us, they appreciated the fact that it was a positive change on me. Some habits I acquired amazed me too! For instance, I let people get in the lift before me when they insisted on scrambling for space. This does not mean everything went as expected when I fell in love with my husband; I just never paid attention to my problems nor did I worry anymore.
Throughout the camping experience, I was concerned with details in every little thing I could see or handle. This was unlike me-i had been, until then, the type of person who loved fancy resorts with sophisticated artificial sceneries. Right then, in Yosemite Park, I would be caught staring at the green color graduating into the blue horizon-and be mesmerized by it. I enjoyed the warmth of the sun, the evening breeze, the sunshine and the violent winds. There was no sunset that went by without my attention. A combination of yellow, red, orange light, white and gray clouds, light blue and dark blue parts all in one sky was enough to keep my head up all evening.
“How come I never noticed there could so many colors up the sky all at the same time?” I pestered Neil. He, as nerdy, as he was, appreciated nature. He knew so many amazing facts about nature but only mentioned a few every time when I asked.
Men, Frankl reveals, are not moved by events or scenes but by their interpretation of them. This revelation answers my question to why I paid attention and noticed beauty and glamor in a normal daily phenomenon seen by everyone who cares to look.
I felt the innermost part of me was most active and alive to extents I rarely experienced. The spirit, as Frankl uses in his most famous book, Man's searching for meaning, was in control of me and was helping me achieve things I never knew I could, helped me discover more things I loved and appreciated things that I never noticed they existed. I was discovering more about myself. At this same time, I was grasping Neil into the innermost core of my personality. The more time I spent with him the more I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
Work cited
Frankl, Viktor E. Man's Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press, 2006. Print.
Redsand, Anna. Viktor Frankl: A Life Worth Living. New York: Clarion Books, 2006. Print.
