Human Rights Synthesis Paper Revision Essay

The synthesis paper on Human rights article that I earlier submitted had errors that I would like to correct and explain on how I arrived at the corrections. The main errors were mainly centered in the quotations, voice-markers and reminder phrases. This synthesis paper comprised a summary and highlighting of commonalities in the three articles namely “A long Overdue”, “Student Killings” and “The Cruel Trade”. The three articles dwelled on issues that touch on Human Rights. Human trafficking, right to fair trial and right to life are some of the human rights issues that have been tackled prominently. “A Long Overdue”, for instance talks about the Chinese informal labor camps that perpetuate detention without trial. These have been a negative feature of the Chinese law and order system that has not yet reformed in line with the universal rights standards. The “Cruel Trade” article expounds on the child trafficking rise in China. The Child-trafficking in the republic as the article states “China one-child policy has fueled demand for children.” Many desperate boy-less couples are claimed to be the main catalysts for this trade in China. The third article “School Killings’ points out the wave of brutal killings that have been rocking Thailand. The brutality in these killings has been in total defiance of the human rights that provide for people’s right to life.
The first paragraph in my assignment I plagiarized part of the Cruel Trade article. The words were “One of the victims, Mr. Xiao, has been driving a minivan covered with posters of missing children around the country. He hopes this action, which cost him about 64,300 dollars, can raise the awareness of the public”. The correction of this would be use of quotation marks that would indicate that these words were the author’s work. I should have paraphrased this statement using my own words. The paraphrasing would be “Mr. Xiao who has been a victim of the child abduction has committed his time to transverse all over, though costly about 64,300 dollars, in the quest of raising awareness of the child-abduction menace.”The quotation marks are essential in identifying non-original or rather borrowed texts.
In the second paragraph I also plagiarized part of another article School Killings. The words plagiarized were “Malay Muslim groups who have been fighting for the restoration of the ancient sultanate of Pattani. It is says that the Thai government of Yingluck Shinawatra is taking the rebellion simply as a security issue seriously”..These words would have been properly put by paraphrasing but then again the quotations are not fully relevant. According to They Say I say “Before you can select appropriate quotations, you need to have a sense of what you want to do with them”. The article was about the killings of the students and teachers. The quotations would have been more effective if they would have touched on these killings rather than the Malay Muslim groups. The quotations too are not properly introduced. These quotations would have been better placed if they would have been introduced such as by the use of words, “According to.”,” In the author’s words..”, “the writer asserts..” et cetera.
The paper generally, had errors in areas to do with plagiarism and lack of expounding on the quotes. The first paragraph, for example, the quote would have been proper if it would have been explained eg, “Mr.Xhiao is a true reflection of what many victims have undergone in their hope for justice”. In my whole paper I have not made much use of voice-markers which would have allowed me to express my point of view on the human rights theme in the synthesis paper. The voice-markers would be very essential in ensuring distinction of ideas of both the article author and I, the writer of the synthesis paper. In explaining the issue of child abduction the “one child-policy” would have been an effective voice marker in explaining my views that contrast on the author on the impact of this policy in regards to child-abduction. The “Laojiao” would also be effective in explaining the grave matter of the dungeons that had been created by the Chinese officials to imprison people. The imprisonment has been termed as inhumane by many human right watchers, who cite that any reform would be meaningless if it doesn’t limit the police powers to imprisoning people without fair trial.
The whole paper would have been less flawed if it had incorporated the guidelines that are well explained in the They Say I say. The plagiarism is rampant and would be corrected by use of paraphrasing. The paraphrasing and selective use of quotes would have been effective in easing the plagiarism levels. The paper was flawed due to less use of voice-markers. The voice-markers would be constructive if they were embedded together with templates such as “I tend to agree with the author as he asserts” or “I wholeheartedly support what the author calls”The paper, in conclusion, would have properly accentuated the theme of human rights through use of the voice markers, paraphrasing and quotations.