Humorous Online Dating Profile {type) To Use As A Writing Model

I am a 40-year-old blonde living with a dog, Max and trying to make sense of why I chose to live with him in the first place. Guess what? Still trying to figure it out! I like to spend most of my time thinking about Chipotle while I pretend to act as a VP in a tech start-up; fortunately, nobody ever notices me drooling over the visuals of food on my laptop screen. Yep, not even the camera in the corner of my office, I make sure my hairdo is blocking the view entirely. You must have gathered by now that I am a pseudo-intellectual looking for a soul mate on this dating platform with whom my stars would collide, and the constellation would force our fates to tolerate each other. Did it sound too cheesy? Doesn’t matter even if it did, makes me feel some kind of an expert in astronomy. And just FYI, blondes can be quite funny; it’s in their genes.
When I am not making fun of others, I am often found balancing my weight, surfing, in an almost non-existent portion of the ocean to save myself from the embarrassment. Apart from practicing laughter-fits as therapy, I believe I can do yoga to tame my hyperactive brain. By the way, if I tell you I am preparing for the zombie apocalypse and filling my basement with supplies, would that be a deal breaker? Just asking. So, if you are a guy who is as intellectually humorous as I am, willing to put up with my hopelessly romantic fantasies and have got steel abs (Hey, a woman can dream!), message me. Maybe we can crack each other up over a cup of Latte. Also, if you like me, please bring Chipotle, so that I am extra nice to you and in my best behavior.